Patrick Joseph King

Patrick Joseph King (PJK) is a novelist and short story writer living in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. He has worked as a street cleaner, bartender, English teacher, and director of employment programs. Five of his short stories have either won or placed in Canadian Short Story contests. He recently left his 9-5 job to write full time. In early 2021, he received a grant from the Canada Council for the Arts to write a collection of short stories.

Award Type
The lives of a mother who is opposed to war, a son hellbent on enlisting, and an artist in search of his lost creativity intersect, shatter, and are transformed by the crucifixion of a Canadian soldier on a Belgian barn door during WW1.
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Comments

Jodie Renner Tue, 06/08/2021 - 01:05

Very well-written and the characters come to life! It just needs a bit of copyediting and proofreading to polish it up.

First of all, I strongly recommend you brainstorm for a briefer, more engaging title. That date could be in 2021 or 1635. It's too long and it doesn't grab our attention or tell us much about the story. Also, I would make it clear right from the beginning what country they're in. You could just say, above Chapter 1, "1918, Canada" or something like that, to situate the reader. And add that again for any chapter where the date or location changes.

Other than that, needs some proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors; for example, "if I want too" should be "to". "for and English king" instead of "an", "Moi petit" instead of "Mon petit," etc. Also, quite a few errors in commas and apostrophes. Have an expert in grammar, spelling, and punctuation go through it.

Otherwise, great story! Very intriguing! 

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