Where's Ralphie?

Where's Ralphie?

by

Dawn Greenfield Ireland

1253 Ruddy Duck

New Braunfeld, TX 78130

713-256-5412

dawnireland1@yahoocom

www.dawngreenfieldireland.com

FADE IN:

EXT. DEWDROP MEADOWS - DAY

A quintessential American suburb. The hustle bustle of growth

all around.

A school sits adjacent to a park with a baseball diamond. A

warehouse backs up to the fence.

EXT. GARY'S HOUSE - DAY

A ranch-style house with a wishing well on the zigzagged

mowed lawn. The mailbox at the curb sports three name plates:

INSERT NAME PLATES ON MAILBOX:

Smalley Family; Gary's Fix-It Shop; Hard Analytical Logic.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

A hose runs from the faucet to a coffee maker which is

connected to a jar of coffee beans and a coffee grinder.

GARY, thirty-eight, a younger version of Robert Redford, but

a little sad, reads the paper and drinks coffee in pajamas

and a ratty robe.

He spits out pieces of coffee beans in his hand.

CLEMENTINE (CLEM), a tomboy at ten, stuffs the remains of

breakfast in her mouth and guzzles milk.

BUTTERCUP, the family cat, runs from under the table and

jumps out the dog door.

GINGER (O.S.)

Daddy, Buttercup isn't any fun. Can

I have a dog?

GARY

You know the rules, Ginger. No more

pets until Daddy sells more

inventions. Besides you two don't

even take good care of Buttercup.

GINGER, six, who has a make believe friend named DD, climbs

out from under the table. She clutches a ragged stuffed dog

toy and sits in her chair.

GINGER

Aw, Daddy. I bet Mommy would have

let me get a puppy.

GARY

Mommy is with the angels so she's

left all decisions up to Daddy.

2.

CLEM

It's your turn to clean the litter

box, Ginger-root.

GARY

I rest my case. A cat is much easier

to care for than a dog.

Clem brightens.

CLEM

I'll walk the dog!

GARY

When? Between school and sports?

This is a closed subject for now.

Ginger leans toward the empty chair and cups her ear.

GINGER

DD said Clementine didn't clean the

bathroom.

Clem pushes Ginger's chair with her foot.

CLEM

Dufus Dumbo DD, who everyone knows

is make believe, is a tattle tale.

Maybe DD should do some chores around

here, too.

GINGER

Leave DD alone.

GARY

Will you two stop squabbling and get

going - you'll be late for school.

The doorbell rings - a key turns in the lock.

DIANE LYONS, early 30s, one hundred percent together in jeans,

T-shirt, pony tail, and her everpresent Bluetooth, sweeps

into the house.

DIANE

Morning everyone!

Gary looks up from his paper. He smiles in admiration at

Diane.

GARY

Hey, Diane.

Diane grabs a cup and pours coffee. She sips. Spits out a

coffee bean into the sink.

3.

DIANE

The coffee's pretty good this morning,

Gary.

She spits out another coffee bean.

GARY

Still have a problem between the

grinder and the brewing.

Diane goes to the far end of the counter and grabs the girls

lunch boxes.

GINGER

Diane, Clem's calling DD names.

Diane gives Clem a look. She turns her focus to Ginger.

DIANE

Ginger, honey, your socks don't match.

Gary leans over and takes a look - he's surprised.

Ginger rushes from the room.

Clem pushes her chair back and takes her plate to the sink.

Diane eyes Clem.

DIANE (CONT'D)

Clem, you're not going rock climbing,

you're going to school. Go change.

Clem groans as she runs to her room.

Gary smirks.

GARY

That's our drill sergeant.

DIANE

I promised Carol I'd help raise the

kids since you're so in your head.

Diane flips the lunch boxes open.

DIANE (CONT'D)

You shouldn't buy these juice boxes,

Gary. They're full of sugar and

additives. Where's those little

water bottles?

Gary gets up and goes to the pantry. He grabs two small

water bottles and hands them to Diane.

4.

Diane replaces the juice boxes with the water bottles, grabs

two small tangerines from the fruit bowl and stuffs them in

the lunch boxes.

DIANE (CONT'D)

All set. Lets go.

Gary and Diane each grab a lunch box and go to the front

door.

A mechanical octopus-type thing rolls around grabbing items

off the floor. It drops them into its built-in basket.

Ginger and Clem stampede to the front door, wearing their

backpacks.

Gary and Diane each unzip a backpack and slip the lunch boxes

inside.

GARY

Have a good day at school.

DIANE

Learn a lot!

The girls leave the house.

Diane's eyes sweep over Gary.

DIANE (CONT'D)

Gary, look at you. You're still in

your pajamas! This is not setting a

good example for the girls.

Gary grumbles. He walks to the door that goes to the garage

and opens it. Diane is on his heels.

INT. GARAGE - DAY

The two-car garage is an inventor's paradise with work

benches, toolboxes, computers, and analyzing and scientific

tools.

Weird looking contraptions are everywhere.

A bulletin board crowded with letters from the patent office:

pending patents and rejects, and a child's drawings of a

brown, black, and white dog.

A large wooden sign on a wall: HARD ANALYTICAL LOGIC (HAL).

Over in the corner, a washing machine finishes a cycle.

Gary saunters to the washer.

Gary moves clothes from the washer to the dryer.

5.

DIANE

Listen, Carol was my best friend

since grade school. I miss her too,

but it's been two years. The girls

need you to be there one hundred

percent.

Gary starts the dryer.

GARY

I'm doing my best.

DIANE

No you're not. And you know it.

(beat)

I had a second date with Joey Smith

last night. I'm not going to see

him again.

GARY

Why not?

DIANE

I can't stand his lips. They creep

me out.

Gary stares hard at her, not comprehending.

GARY

What's wrong with his lips?

DIANE

They're mushy looking.

She shudders.

DIANE (CONT'D)

Carol would understand. I need you

to be there for me, too.

She's revealed too much. Diane turns and quickly exits the

garage.

GARY

Diane! Wait! Come back!

Gary hears the front door close. He shakes his head.

GARY (CONT'D)

Women.

INT. HOMELAND SECURITY - DAY

The CHIEF, early 60s, good looking with an aura of confidence,

sits at his desk.

6.

RAMBO, a slobbering bulldog, snores in a dog bed nearby.

Tennis balls and dog toys litter the floor.

MR. BLUE, forties, an in-the-box rules-are-rules government

man, and...

MR. WATER, fifties, the Mr. Bean/Maxwell Smart agency hiring

mistake, wear dark blue suits, stand respectfully in the

Chief's presence, matching blue hats in hand.

Mr. Blue has a patriotic swatch sticking out of his breast

pocket.

CHIEF

Project Fetch has changed directions.

It is now a top secret military

program and not even the President

of the United States will know about

it.

Mr. Blue and Mr. Water exchange a questioning glance with

each other.

MR. BLUE

Did the training contract with Diane

Lyons' organization change?

The Chief points to Mr. Blue.

CHIEF

You will make sure she does not find

out anything. These dogs are destined

to go down in history as the dogs

that ended terrorism!

MR. BLUE

What about the first canine agent we

sent her? Will she continue training

him?

MR. WATER

Yeah, what about the first dog?

CHIEF

We need to see how effective the

training is so that dog is our test

subject.

The Chief has a devious look in his eyes.

CHIEF (CONT'D)

These dogs will be sent to the hottest

war zones to infiltrate terrorist

encampments, steal papers, charts,

cell phones, laptops -- anything

they can grab a hold of.

7.

MR. BLUE

Wow. That's some change of direction.

MR. WATER

Yeah, some change!

Mr. Blue elbows Mr. Water in the side and makes a zip motion

across the lips.

CHIEF

They may even destroy bombs in the

process of being made.

The Chief gets an idea.

CHIEF (CONT'D)

And maybe plant bombs in villages

and caves!

The Chief nods knowingly at Mr. Blue and Mr. Water.

INT. GINGER'S CLASSROOM - DAY

Ginger hangs back from a group of STUDENTS by a microscope.

MISS MELIN - a cute, enthusiastic teacher, late 20s, talks

to the students.

MISS MELIN

When you don't brush your teeth, all

these squiggly germs and bacteria

that you will see on the slide are

multiplying in your mouth.

(beat)

That is one of the things that can

cause bad breath, or halitosis - the

real name for bad breath.

A few kids snicker and giggle.

MISS MELIN (CONT'D)

Adjust the dial on the microscope to

see the germs on the slide clearly.

They'll be wiggling like they're on

a dance floor.

Students take turns at the microscopes.

Ginger approaches the microscope and fearfully takes a peek.

CLOSE UP OF SLIDE

Germs wiggle on a glass slide under a microscope.

RETURN TO SCENE

8.

Ginger screams, turns, crashes into a desk, stumbles and

screams as she runs out of the room.

Miss Melin appears alarmed.

MISS MELIN (CONT'D)

Ginger!

(beat)

Class, I'll be right back.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

Ginger sobs uncontrollably as she runs down the empty hallway.

Lockers and doors loom oversized... menacing.

GINGER

Clemmmm!

Ginger frantically looks at door numbers as she runs.

MISS MELIN (O.S.)

Ginger! Wait up!

INT. CLEM'S CLASSROOM - DAY

MISS RIPLEY, an old maid, romanticizes grammar.

MISS RIPLEY

When your words form perfect

sentences, people will respect and

admire you.

(beat)

You are what you speak!

Clem doodles in her notebook.

GINGER (O.S.)

Clemmmm! Clemmmm!

Clem's head swings toward the classroom back door.

The GIRL sitting in back of Clem taps her on the shoulder.

GIRL

(whispers)

Is that Ginger?

Clem shrugs. The bell rings. She grabs her backpack,

launches out of her chair and out the door.

INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Clem exits her classroom into the hallway amid a sea of

STUDENTS.

Ginger wails in panic as everyone laughs at her as they hurry

past. She flops down on the floor.

9.

Clem zeros in on Ginger. She gets to her side.

CLEM

What happened, Gin?

Ginger talks in hiccups.

GINGER

The bugs that killed Mommy are in

the microscope in Miss Melin's class.

Miss Melin runs down the hallway. She slows down when she

sees Ginger and Clem.

Clem's FRIENDS watch - as empathetic as snails.

CLEM

For crying out loud.

Clem grabs Ginger's arm and tugs her to her feet.

GINGER

But Clem...

CLEM

They're just germs, Ginger!

Clem pushes Ginger to move, then joins her girlfriends.

Everyone laughs except Clem.

Ginger's suddenly aware of everyone's stares.

Miss Melin comes to Ginger's rescue.

MISS MELIN

Ginger, you scared me silly. Let's

go freshen up a bit, then we can

talk, okay?

Ginger nods.

Clem appears relieved.

Clem looks back at Ginger, has a moment of hesitancy. She

goes back to Ginger.

CLEM

(whispers)

Germs didn't kill Mommy, a disease

did.

Miss Melin nods in understanding.

Clem gives Ginger a one-arm hug.

10.

CLEM (CONT'D)

I'll see you at home before my game,

okay?

Ginger nods, then wipes her eyes.

Clem appears relieved. She joins her friends.

Miss Melin leads Ginger away.

EXT. DIANE'S HOUSE - DAY

Diane exits her house with a laundry basket. She walks to

the car, opens the back hatch and deposits the basket inside.

She gets in the car and backs down the driveway and onto the

street.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Diane drives. She passes two streets then turns down Gary's

street. She pulls into Gary's driveway.

INT. DIANE'S CAR - DAY

Diane sits in her car staring at Gary's house. She lets out

a sigh then gets out of the car.

EXT. DIANE'S CAR - DAY

Diane grabs the laundry basket and walks to the front door.

EXT. GARY'S HOUSE - DAY

Diane rings the doorbell.

The front door opens. Gary, dressed, appears perplexed.

GARY

Did you lose your key?

Diane squirms.

DIANE

Look, I'm sorry I jumped all over

you earlier.

Gary lets out a big sigh.

GARY

You don't have to apologize. I know

I'm not as involved with the girls

as I should be. Carol was the

caretaker and I was the breadwinner.

He grabs the laundry basket from Diane. They go into the

house.