Somewhere Between Dandelions

Chapter 1

Wishes don’t come true.

Not the ones made on candles pushed into birthday cakes or whispered in the dark with hands pressed together. Especially not the ones made using flowers, often misunderstood as weeds. Yet here I was—once again—being pulled forward by my ache for something more. I stepped onto the grass, my shoes sinking into the soft dirt, still moist from the recent and rare California rains, and reached for the solo, puffed-up dandelion just off the path.

I spun the soft green stem around eyeing the perfection of the individual spores. Raising it to my mouth, I pictured Finn's familiar face then twisted the stem between my fingers and blew until all the tiny white parachutes spun away on the breeze. Once again, my hope was in the hands of the universe to do or not do with as it wanted.

With the empty stem tucked between my fingers, I returned to the sidewalk. Absence floated beside me like a shadow as I followed the splintered cracks in the pavement on the way to my locker. The sound of Finn’s voice calling goodbye to someone drifted in my direction, interrupting my thoughts. Before I could catch a glimpse of him, he was beside me.

The dandelion in my hand was barely cold from my wish—one wrong move could jinx everything. I pretended not to notice him.

“Goodnight?”

Finn was the only person that called me this and had since third grade. When the teacher called “Claire Goodnight” during roll call, Finn had turned in his seat, searching for the girl with the strange last name. Later at recess he told me my last name was cool and asked if he could call me that instead of Claire. With a slight nod, I’d granted him permission. A crooked-toothed smile had filled his face and as he ran away to the playground, he pulled a piece of my heart with him.

Once again, after nearly ten years, we stood face to face.

He smiled and my soul somersaulted. “Are you alone?”

“Um, yes?”

“I meant are you meeting someone?”

I shook my head.

He glanced to his feet then back up again. “Do you mind if I walk with you?”

“No.” Goosebumps raced over my skin and, even with the cool breeze, sweat rose from my pores.

“You’ve been alone this year.” His long legs fell into pace with mine as I began to walk again.

His words stung and I didn’t reply.

“I mean Julia moved away—right?”

My face relaxed. “You noticed that?”

“I did.”

My best and only friend moving over the summer had knocked me off balance and now, halfway through Senior year, I still hadn’t found my center. I’d give almost anything to have her back, but without her I’d rather be alone.

“Did you have a question about the English homework?” I asked. That was the only class we shared.

“English homework?” He scrunched his eyebrows. “No.”

“Oh?”

“I’m on my way to meet someone. It looks like we’re going the same way.”

In the curious expressions and low whispers fluttering around us I imagined everyone wondering why Finn Peterson was with me instead of Kelly McIntyre— my least favorite person. Up until a few days ago, she’d been Finn’s girlfriend. My stomach twisted whenever she pranced around, all bubbly with her shiny blond ponytails, wearing his Letterman’s jacket like she owned him. If someone like her was his type, then my introspective ways and wavy brown hair didn’t stand a chance.

I stopped at my locker. “Here I am.”

“Cool,” he said, but didn’t turn to go.

With shaking fingers, I turned the combination lock right, left, right and pulled open the door, pretending to look for something deep inside.

He knocked, three soft taps on the metal, and I jumped, banging my head. He quickly pulled the scratched-up door all the way open, exposing me. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”

I rubbed my head. “Yeah. Did you forget something?”

“Sort of. Actually, it was you I was looking for. I wanted to ask if you’d go out with me.”

It was entirely possible this was just another one of my daydreams—but the hot flush that rushed up from my neck to my cheeks was very real.

“Um.” I wanted to jump up and down, screaming Yes! Or more properly just smile sweetly and say yes. Either would’ve been better than “um”.

He stood still, eyebrows slightly raised, an awkward, unsure smile on his face. Had I not sensed his fear of being turned down I might’ve assumed I was being punked.

“You’re not gonna make me ask you again, are you? The first time was hard enough.” Again, his eyes shifted to his feet.

“If I promise to say yes, will you ask again?” My boldness shocked me.

His eyes brightened and he cleared his throat then, in a rush, asked. “Claire Goodnight, will you go out with me on Saturday night?”

“Okay,” I said.

“Okay, is a yes, right?” he asked.

“I promised, didn’t I?”

“Can I pick you up at 6:00?”

I had a shift Saturday night, but I wouldn’t let that be an obstacle to my wish coming true.

“Okay.” I wanted to smack my hand against my head to shake some more words loose.

“Okay.” He laughed, volleying the word back to me.

As we exchanged numbers, our fingers touched, and prickles of electricity ran all the way to my elbow.

He walked me to my car. An uneasy silence hung in the air, but a heat radiated between us. I looked at my watch. In twenty minutes, I’d be late to work.

“You need to go?” he asked.

“Work.”

“I’m headed to practice. Gotta get ready for the game tomorrow night.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “Let me text my boss real quick so he doesn’t worry,” I said.

I’d never been late before, and Tyler would wonder what was up if he didn’t hear from me. I sensed Finn’s eyes on me as I typed.

“That’s a thing to text your boss?”

“He’s a friend too,” I said, sliding my phone into the back pocket of my jeans and noting the cloud that passed over Finn’s face. Was that jealousy?

By now the parking lot was practically empty, the white lines of the parking spaces stretching out around us, endless.

He touched his finger to my nose. “See you at school tomorrow, Goodnight.”

“Yes.” I ached for him already. Saturday was only two days away, but that felt like forever.

He opened the door for me, and I got inside. As I drove away in my grandmother’s old white Honda, I was reminded that this was yet another thing I wouldn’t be able to tell her.

After I waved goodbye to Finn, I turned on the radio to drown out the niggling voice telling me this was too good to be true.

Chapter 2

“J! You will never ever, EVER guess what just happened! Call me!”

My tires squealed as I turned into my parking space. I pulled out my ear bud and raced from my car and entered Palm Row Pizza, breathless and smiling.

The aroma of tomato sauce, cooking pizzas, and the wiga-wiga sound of the ancient Pac Man machine greeted me.

Behind the high counter, Tyler had his head bent, counting the change from the cash register. He wrote down the number on a clipboard and looked up.

“My employee finally arrives,” he said, doing a double take. “Wait. You look…happy.”

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t be mad. It wasn’t like I walked around with a perpetual smile on my face like Julia did, even when she was unhappy. The only time that hadn’t been true was when she told me her family was moving to Oregon.

According to Julia I’m like a turtle, always ready to retreat into my shell. But when there was no fear of danger and life was good, I emerged, and in those moments, she said I was a butterfly. After this momentous afternoon, I was clearly in butterfly mode, but Tyler wasn’t familiar with these descriptions of me.

Tyler’s dark-blond hair was covered by a black baseball cap, part of our uniform and his eyes looked bluer than usual today against the dark shirt beneath his apron. Julia described him as “deliciously adorable” and said if she hadn’t preferred girls, she’d date him. The sleeves of his shirt clung tightly to his arms, a sign of his recent weightlifting hobby. Had Julia been here to witness this change, I imagined she’d be calling him Muscles.

Before Julia moved, the three of us often hung out and she’d tried convincing me to date him, telling me I couldn’t wait for Finn forever. She even tried to prod Tyler into asking me out when she thought I wasn’t listening. It took several months for Tyler and I to adjust from our typical party of three, to two, but the awkwardness had begun to subside.

I didn’t attempt to shrink the size of my happiness. The lights were brighter, the air was easier to breathe, and my body was buoyant. “I am happy,” I said.

Tyler picked up a stack of dollar bills. “You usually aren’t this happy to see me, but…” He rubbed his nails on his collar like he was shining them.

I laughed. “It’s not you!”

“Uh-huh, way to make a dude feel good.” He turned his attention back to counting as I opened the door to the rear of the restaurant. “You might not be so happy once you get back there. Maggie called in sick this morning, so prep is behind!”

“I guess I deserve that for being late,” I yelled back through the wall.

The bathroom mirror showed me what Tyler had seen—a red-cheeked, beaming girl. My dating-Finn news was bursting outwards, begging to be broadcast, but other than Julia—who I had to tell first out of loyalty—Tyler would be the only person I’d tell. Hands shaking, I checked my phone for messages. Nothing.

“J, call me at work,” I typed.

I changed into my uniform then pulled my apron over my head, wincing at the smell of caked-in grease. No matter how many times I washed them, my work clothes still reeked.

When I got to the pizza prep area Tyler was there making a pizza, shelling out pepperoni like playing cards onto the cheese. He was right—the refrigerator was nearly empty. Normally at this time, the shelves were stocked with various crust types and prepped with sauce and cheese.

“You weren’t kissing about being behind, dude!” My face flushed at my slip.

“No, I sure wasn’t kissing.” Tyler laughed. “I told you, I’ve been alone all day. At least I stocked the table for you.” He waved a hand towards the stainless-steel containers filled with various toppings: white cheese, pepperoni, ham, brown sausage, pineapple, jalapeños and black olives.

“Thanks!” I laughed, grateful he hadn’t teased me for my error. “Hey, do you think you can get someone to cover my shift on Saturday?” I pulled a pizza from the oven, transferred it to the cutting board, and cut it with the large rocker knife.

“You never ask me to cover your shifts.”

I slid the pizza into a medium-sized box. “Something came up last minute.”

“Hmmm. Something to do with why you’re so happy?”

“Maybe…I haven’t had a chance to tell Julia yet, so…”

“I see how it is.” Tyler wiped crumbs from the counter with a cloth. “If you can get your shift covered, you can take the night off. No special treatment for friends around here! Especially now that you’re looking at the new assistant manager of Palm Row Pizza.”

“Really? Nice! How will you manage that with your college classes?”

“I’ve been handling it up until now, besides I’ve already been doing the work. It’s more of a title thing, really.”

“Congrats,” I said.

He headed to the front to answer the ringing phone.

I called out after him, “Wait, doesn’t being promoted by your uncle count as special treatment?”

He laughed. “We weren’t talking about me!”

As I worked, waves of panic that I’d made up the whole Finn experience crept in. That morning my heart had been like a half-empty cup, now it was close to overflowing.

On my break I made calls to co-workers and got my shift covered. With a few minutes left to spare Tyler called out to me from the front.

“Hey, Claire! J is on line two. Transferring it back.”

I picked up the phone. “Finally, J! Where have you been?” I asked.

“C, if you have major news, does the fact my battery died really matter? Spill it!”

“Finn asked me out…”

“Finn Peterson?”

“Is there another one? Unbelievable, right?”

Beside me, an order began to print, and air whooshed by me as Tyler rushed around the corner.

He glanced at me. “No need to rush. I’ll get it.”

I mouthed a thank you and proceeded to gush details to Julia. Tyler was in earshot, and I knew he was listening. At least he’d know now too.

“C! That’s amaze-balls! I’ve never heard you so happy.”

“It doesn’t feel real! It’s the first good thing that’s happened since you left.” My cheeks were sore from smiling. “Anyway, what’s new with you?”

“No changes here,” she said.

Until I had to return to work, we talked about what I should wear on my first ever date. Always the confident one, Julia had it all figured out for me. I wasn’t so sure.

The fog hung low, muting the glare from the streetlights as Tyler and I walked to the food court— an after-work ritual we’d continued after Julia left. The winter air stung my warm cheeks and I pulled my sweatshirt over my head as we stepped into the clouds.

Inside, I ordered a turkey sandwich and Tyler ordered a chili dog, then we sat at one of the round plastic tables.

Most of them had chairs stacked on top of them, and several mall employees sat alone, scrolling on their phones between bites of food. Mariachi music blared from one of the back kitchens. Employees with their hats turned backwards joked with each other as they wiped down counters, and mopped floors, likely hoping—as I did near closing time—that they wouldn’t get any more customers.

“So, who is this Finn guy?” Tyler took a huge bite of his hot dog.

“Just a boy from school.” I sipped my soda.

“Just a boy?” Tyler’s gaze was steady. “You mean, just the reason you’re bursting with happy?”

My cheeks flushed for what felt like the millionth time that day. “He’s someone I’ve liked from afar for forever—you know?”

“Totally,” he said, looking away.

“I never thought I’d have a chance with him.” My sandwich sat untouched on the tray.

“Why is that?” he asked.

“Well, first of all, he’d been dating Kelly since tenth grade. Secondly, he’s an incredibly attractive, popular basketball player and I’m…you know...just me.”

“There’s nothing ‘just’ about you, Claire. I bet you’d be surprised at how many people like you.”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true!”

“It’s true. I’ve seen the way those pimply boys at work look at you.” He laughed lightly.

My eyebrows furrowed. “Never noticed. As my friend, though, aren’t you biased?”

“Maybe we all see what you don’t.” He wiped away orange chili smudges from the corner of his lips.

Tyler didn’t usually talk to me like this—we’d always bantered back and forth, but this was different. I shrugged and pushed my sandwich away.

“You’re not going to eat that?” he asked.

“Nope. Want it?”

He patted his stomach. “You know me. I can always eat. Besides, the roomies and I haven’t grocery shopped in weeks.” He walked me to my car. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yup, I’m scheduled until eight.”

“I know. I wrote the schedule.” He tapped the tip of my nose with the sandwich. “You are great, you know?”

Guilt raced through me, as I remembered Finn doing the same thing earlier. What was up with Tyler tonight?

“Oh, knock it off!” I punched his shoulder.

“Learn to take a compliment,” Tyler said.

I unlocked my car door, hiding my eye roll.

“Friends say nice things to each other. I know you don’t have many, but it’s something they do.”

“Ouch.” I turned to glare at him.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

“Yeah. See you later.” I got in the car and closed the door hard.

“Claire.” Tyler bent down, looking through my window.

I forced a smile and turned the key, letting it grind a bit.

He stepped back, clearing space for me to leave. I didn’t look in the rear-view mirror to see if he was watching me go, nor did I wave to him like I had with Finn that afternoon. At this time Saturday night Finn and I would be together, and that was the only thing that mattered.