Animal Lab

Chapter 1

Rizzo was the first to wake up. He looked around at the clean white walls and sparkling glass windows. Yesterday was cleaning day, and small teams of people in white coats had scrubbed and brushed and polished until everything was spotless. At least he thought it was yesterday. His mind was a little foggy, probably because he’d slept so late. Usually people began arriving at 8:00 AM, sometimes earlier. Sometimes people never left all night. But the movements and noises by 9:00 AM were always enough to wake him up.

He looked at the clock and squinted to read 11:17. Morning, he assumed, though the overhead fluorescent lights cast an even glow over everything all day, so it was hard to know. He supposed he could have woken up at night for some reason. Maybe his new treatments caused insomnia. That could be it. It’s actually evening, which would explain why the place was empty.

Rizzo nudged Cagney beside him who stirred and rubbed his eyes. “What’s up?” asked Cagney.

“Is it morning or night?” asked Rizzo.

“Huh?” replied Cagney. “Must be morning. The lights come on automatically in the morning. They’re off at night unless some person comes into the room and there’s no person in here.”

“Why is that?”

“Hmmm... Good question. A holiday?”

“I thought we had some tests scheduled for today.”

Beside them, Billie stirred. “What are you guys talking about?” she asked.

“There’s no one here,” said Cagney. He avoided looking at Billie. They’d once been a couple, but that was some time ago and then some things had happened that he didn’t like to think about. They were both a bit uncomfortable around each other though they lived together still.

Billie began washing her face, still a little too groggy to take it all in. Rizzo looked over at Hickory, Dickory, and Doc and went over to rattle their cage.

“Wake up!” he said more than loudly enough to wake them. All three sat up at once, bewildered. “What?” they responded in unison.

“Look around,” said Rizzo.

They did, then back at him. They didn’t get it. Rizzo always thought of them as slow cousins. “No one’s here,” he explained. They stared at him blankly. “No one’s here,” he repeated.

“Hey!” Rizzo shouted into the open space. “Come get us out of here!”

“Out of here?”

Rizzo looked around and saw the mockingbird, Evan, doing what he does. Mocking.

At first, there was silence, and then a slow, plodding could be heard getting closer and louder. A large, dark, black body approached, casting a shadow over all of them. Julius opened the door. “Thank goodness for opposable thumbs,” he said, as he often did. He was proud of this part of his anatomy, and it certainly came in useful at times like these, but Rizzo found these pronouncements tiresome. And boastful.

“Where are all the people?” asked Rizzo.

“Don’t know” said Julius, rubbing the palms of his hands upward over his face and continuing over his head, smoothing the thick, dark black hair. “I’m just going around getting everyone out of their cages. The people are gone.”

“We should have a meeting,” said Rizzo. “Get everyone into the conference room in an hour.”

“Will do,” said Julius as he unlatched the cages and then lumbered on to the next room in the lab.

Chapter 2

The animals were gathered in the conference room. The mice Hickory, Dickory, and Doc occupied one seat. The rats Cagney and Billie were in another seat, but uncomfortably, turned slightly away from each other. The other rat, Rizzo, stood at the head of the table, on the tabletop. Julius, the chimpanzee, held the door as the others walked in.

Sniffer, the rabbit, sat in another chair, his nostrils pulsing rapidly in anticipation of… something. The guinea pigs Moonbeam, Alexander, and Pipsqueak sat in another chair, occasionally squeaking and shoving each other.

The older cat Milagra sat by herself on top of a filing cabinet, antisocial as usual. The younger cat Mayflower circled the desk, purring softly. Evan the mockingbird settled just out of reach of Milagra who eyed him menacingly, then closed her eyes.

Morgan, the dog, circled around the other animals, herding them into the room, tail wagging and not quite understanding what had happened. Actually none of them quite understood why the humans were missing, but hoped they would find out at the unusual meeting. Unusual, because animals didn’t have meetings. Humans did. Sometimes one or two animals would attend. Obviously something had changed.

Other animals crowded into the lab, including several sheep, pigs, and monkeys, but left room for Arnold the tortoise, who was last to arrive, moving calmly, never hurried. Although Arnold was young in tortoise years, he was old in actual years, and the other animals gave deference to him.

When Arnold arrived, Rizzo cleared his throat, and the animals stopped their chatter to listen. “Fellow lab animals,” he began and puffed up his chest a bit. “The humans are nowhere to be found. Dr. Muro and his staff seem to have vanished. We don’t know what has happened to them, but as best we know, we are on our own now.”

“On our own?” repeated Evan, but the others ignored him.

Gasps and murmurs and squeaks and growls rose up from the crowd.

“Please, please,” shouted Rizzo above the din. “We can take care of ourselves. While we all have physical limitations, together we can accomplish anything.” A phrase popped into Rizzo’s brain. Had he heard it somewhere? Did a human plant it there as part of an experiment? No matter, it fit the situation. “In unity there is strength!”

The animals stared at Rizzo for a moment. Then, from the back of the room, Arnold’s slow, deep, melodious voice repeated “In unity there is strength!” Then a few other animals repeated the catchy phrase. Within a few minutes, they were chanting it in unison.

After a few minutes, Rizzo waved his tiny hands to stop the chanting and continued. “We need order. We need a system. We need rules to live by to make this effort work.”

“I heard about some animals in England,” said Morgan excitedly, himself an English Terrier. “On a farm. They created a system called Animalism where all animals are equal. That sounds good to me.”

The other animals made concurring sounds. “Sounds good to me, too,” said one. “Equality—I like that,” said another.

“I don’t know,” said Cagney. “We’re not all equal. Some are big, some are small. Some are fast, some are slow.”

“Some have opposable thumbs!” said Julius from the doorway, giving a thumbs-up sign with his hand.

“Yes, yes,” said Cagney a bit dismissively. “We need a system that gives all animals an equal opportunity but recognizes our differences. A system that gives voice to all of us, but that respects our differences.”

“We need a constitutional democratic republic,” said Arnold. Though his voice was soft, it had a deep resonance that cut through all other chatter.

Following a prolonged silence, Rizzo asked, “OK. What’s a constitutional democratic republic?”

“Every animal elects a representative by voting,” said Arnold. Various expressions of approval sounded within the crowd. “And those representatives make the laws.” More expressions of approval could be heard. “But first,” he continued, “we must write a constitution—a written document declaring the basic rights of all animals—so that those rights cannot be taken away from us. Because as history has shown, many leaders will want more power and can only gain that power by diminishing everyone else’s power. That must never be allowed.”

“No, never!” Exclaimed a few of the animals.

“This sounds like a good plan,” said Cagney. “Is there anyone opposed?”

“It won’t work,” came the voice of Milagra on the cabinet who had, until now, appeared to be sleeping.

“And why is that?” asked Cagney.

“Animal nature, that’s all. But do as you wish.” And then Milagra shut her eyes again.

“As you wish,” repeated Evan.

Cagney hesitated for a moment, then continued, “We’ll create a committee to write our constitution.”

“We need a symbol,” bellowed Arnold. “Something to represent our ideals. On a flag, so that everyone will know who we are and what we represent.”

Cagney declared, “And a committee for that!”

And with that first conference was born Animerica.

Chapter 3

The committees were formed. The Constitution Committee consisted of the rats Rizzo, Cagney, and Billie along with Arnold the turtle and Julius, who was on every committee because of his ability to type, though the rats in particular were learning how to use keyboards.

After much discussion, debate, and arguing, a constitution was written. It consisted of some rules about elections and a legislature, executive, and a legal system. Perhaps most important, was that it included a short list of “The Seven Rights and Responsibilities” that the animals had drawn from various sources that they had actually learned from the humans over the years.

Every animal has the right to own and control property. Property may be physical or intellectual, with life being the most valuable property.

Property may be traded but not stolen. An animal convicted of stealing property will be required to compensate with its own property of equal value.

Animals are innocent of any crime until proven guilty in a court of law by a jury of its peers.

Animals have freedom of speech that cannot be denied by the government.

Animals have the right to defend their other rights by any means necessary as long as such defense does not deny the rights of any other animals.

Animals have the right to privacy.

All animals must be treated equally.

A flag was designed by the hummingbird Carrie Lee and was accepted by a unanimous vote of the animals. It consisted of 7 red stripes on a white background, representing the Seven Rights and Responsibilities, and a blue square in the upper left corner with 7 white paw prints from 7 different animals. The flag was placed at the front of the conference room, renamed Independence Room.

Julius wrote the Seven Rights and Responsibilities on a large whiteboard in Independence Room. A pledge was written by Rizzo. It was simple: “I pledge allegiance to the nation of Animerica and its Seven Rights and Responsibilities, as symbolized in its flag.” It was proudly recited before each meeting in Independence Room, each animal raising its own voice above those of the others, or attempting to do so, in a display of pride in what they had created.

Chapter 4

The animals learned to harvest the crops for their meals and to feed themselves. The lab contained a large enclosed hydroponic garden area with an abundance of crops. Much of it was automated, but the animals needed to understand the robots and electronics and maintain them. Rizzo in particular took over much of the maintenance, learning the machinery and electronics but also teaching those others that had a knack for learning such things. He assigned work to each animal who applied for it, and created a monetary system for paying them.

The currency system was really rather simple. Animals traded goods and used currency to represent the trades. Just like the humans used to. Of course, the animals had no currency printing presses, but Rizzo discovered small packs of cards throughout the lab. These cards had numbers and symbols on them, though some cards had figures of people—royalty. Rizzo didn’t know who they were, though they must have been important given their fancy dress. Some cards had the letter ‘A,’ which was obviously used for the smallest denomination of currency. Rizzo had scoured the entire lab, enlisting the help of the other smaller animals—rats, mice, Guinea pigs—to get into drawers and closets to search out all the packages of cards. He didn’t ask the cats because Mayflower just didn’t seem bright enough to understand and Milagra just wasn’t trustworthy in his opinion. He knew that there were a few “mining expeditions” where animals would go out looking to discover unfound packs of cards, thus getting instantly rich, but figured there wasn’t much he could do to prevent that.

The property was owned by the new Animerica government, but Rizzo considered that a temporary solution. As the animals took on jobs and earned their wages, the cages and rooms were auctioned off, except for a few rooms like Independence Room, that remained communal property, held by the government.

Cagney turned to philosophy, reading voraciously of the books stored on the computer, having taught himself to jump on the keypad to type into it. Billie also found an interest in philosophy and the animalities. They also rekindled, or perhaps just kindled, a respect for each other that became a good friendship and that eventually became a stronger bond—love or something akin to it. Whatever had happened between them in the past had been forgotten, or at least deeply buried.

An election was held and, to no one’s surprise, Rizzo was elected president. A legislature was also created, and Cagney and Billie were leading members.

Things looked good for Animerica. The animals took pride in their work because their labor resulted in the improvement of their lives as opposed to the past, when humans forced them to perform tasks for seemingly no good reason. They had begun trading goods, they had an abundance of food, and most of them were happy, or at least pursuing happiness.

Chapter 5

Charlie Gordon finally had to come out of the closet. He had been in the supply closet for several weeks, living off a small supply of animal foods until it ran out one week ago. He was disheveled, confused, and very hungry. He unlocked the door and exited into the harsh light of the lab, his eyes blinking and tearing.

Charlie had been an assistant to Dr. Muro who ran the lab. Charlie had been considered “slow” by his fellow humans. He moved slowly and thought slowly, not able to grasp a lot of the concepts that most humans could—not even many of the concepts that the animals at the lab now could. He wandered the empty hallway, frightened, heading to the mouse habitats where he always felt comfort. He liked petting the soft mice fur and talking to them. As he approached the habitats, a few mice were mingling when they saw him coming and began whispering.

Charlie picked up a mouse and began petting it, feeling a bit less afraid. He started talking to it. “I missed you. Who’s taking care of you now? What happened to everybody?”

“Hi Charlie,” said the mouse after a while of petting. “Where have you been? Where are all the people?”

Charlie dropped the mouse onto the table. He was used to talking to them, not used to them talking back.

Evan the mockingbird had seen the whole thing, hanging out in the rafters. He quickly flew to Independence Room where Rizzo, Cagney, and Billie were laying out plans for the new government and the new society. “Human in Lab 16,” he cawed. “Human in Lab 16’” he repeated then flew off back to Lab 16 where Charlie was standing, dumbfounded.

“Never heard an animal talk?” screeched Evan when he got back to Lab 16. “Never heard an animal talk?” he repeated.

Charlie backed away from Evan and the lab mice, into a corner, crouched, and began sobbing. Rizzo scurried into the room and up onto the desk in front of Charlie. Cagney and Billie came too. Evan retreated back to the rafters where he could observe silently.

“Charlie,” said Rizzo, “it’s OK. We’re… your friends. Where have you been?”

Charlie hesitated. “In the closet.”

“For how long?”

Charlie shrugged.

“Where is everyone? Dr. Muro? The researchers? The people?”

Charlie shrugged again. Rizzo thought Charlie might be in shock. Or it might be that his limited intelligence kept him from comprehending, or remembering, what had happened. He saw that Charlie was shivering from fear, and probably malnutrition. “Come with me, Charlie. We’ll get you something to eat.”

“Is that a good idea?” asked Billie.

Rizzo was taken aback. Billie rarely talked and almost never questioned him, or anyone. Maybe reading all those philosophy books has made her more outspoken. That would be a good thing.

“Why would that be?” asked Rizzo.

“He’s animaliphobic. All humans are. You know how they treated us. He’s capable of doing the same. We need to be wary.”

“He’s hungry and scared,” replied Rizzo. “And Charlie never hurt any of us.”

“I’m just saying it’s in his nature. In his upbringing. We need to be wary. Humans held us in slavery.”

Billie said a lot more, with very complicated words that Rizzo felt could have been said with much simpler words. Rizzo zoned out during her speech, but simply repeated, “Charlie never hurt any of us. I’m taking him for a meal.” With that, he turned to Charlie. “Follow me, Charlie. We’ll get you some good food. Things are different around here. We’ve made some changes.”

Billie turned to Cagney. “I’m just worried,” she said. “About the animals. About all of us. Humans kept us as pets. They bred us and used us for experiments. They ate us!”

“Charlie never hurt anyone. He’s gentle.” Said Cagney.

‘But he’s a human,” replied Billie. “Can we really trust him?”

Cagney stared at Billie for a moment. Why had he never noticed how soft and shiny her fur is. And her voice is… soothing. Comforting. Even when talking about the threat of humans, it just sounded so… caring.

“Everything is so different now,” said Billie. “I’m trying to understand it… I want to make sure things don’t go back to the way they were. We have our freedom now. I don’t want to lose it.”

“I know,” said Cagney. He moved toward her and nuzzled his face against hers. “It’s all new. We’ll figure it out.” He backed off a bit, realizing that maybe he’d been a little too personal. But she moved back to him and nuzzled her face against his. “You’ll figure it out,” he said to her.

Chapter 6

After some days, Charlie became comfortable in Animal Lab. He had always been good to the animals, and they had always liked him. He was a simple, gentle man. He liked doing simple chores like cleaning cages and, well, mostly just cleaning things. He found comfort in making Animal Lab a better place for the animals, as he had when the humans had run the place. And he liked being useful and contributing.

One day, Julius came around to see Charlie. Julius had been avoiding Charlie and approached him cautiously as Charlie was sweeping a floor. Charlie saw Julius from the corner of his eye and froze.

“Nice thumbs,” said Julius.

Charlie remained silent.

“I said, nice thumbs,” repeated Julius. “I have two of my own.” He held up both thumbs in front of Charlie’s face. Charlie jerked back. “I’m just saying,” continued Julius, “that we both have thumbs. Opposable ones. Very useful, wouldn’t you say?” He pulled his hands from out of Charlie’s face.

“Yes,” said Charlie. “Very useful.” Then after a moment, “Helps me hold the broom straight,” and he held up the broom to show Julius.

“The other animals don’t have them,” said Julius. “Don’t know how they get along without them.”

“The monkeys have them,” said Charlie quietly.

“Yes, the monkeys. But, you know, they’re just monkeys.”

“Yes. Just monkeys.”

There was an awkward silence.

“You want to thumb wrestle.?” Asked Julius.

Charlie just looked at Julius but didn’t answer.

“You know,” continued Julius, “you grasp hands, count to three, then we each try to pin the other’s thumb.”

“Sure,” said Charlie, a slight, goofy grin breaking out on his face. “That’s what you want? You want to thumb wrestle?”

Julius put out his right hand, thumb up. Charlie hesitantly grabbed it, his thumb also at attention. “One, two, three,” said Julius, and pinned Charlie’s thumb. Charlie giggled.

“Try it again?” asked Julius.

“Sure,” said Charlie, and they repeated the thumb war, with the same outcome.

This became a regular thing for the two of them over the next weeks. For Charlie, it was a way to bond with the closest thing to a human at Animal Lab. For Julius, it was a way to convince himself that he really was the most capable animal at the lab. And still had the advantage of his opposable thumbs.

Chapter 7

“Equality,” said Billie.

“Diversity,” said Cagney.

“They’re not mutually exclusive.”

“But which do we prioritize?”

“Which did the humans put first. No doubt we should do the opposite.”

A murmur was growing outside their lab, but they hardly noticed it at first. As it grew louder, they found themselves straining their voices to hear each other. They turned to the hallway and heard growling among the murmuring. And some surprisingly loud peeps.

A black shadow fell over them. Above, Evan was circling. “Trouble,” he said. “Trouble,” he repeated. He flew out the door, Cagney racing behind him, Billie behind him.

As they rounded a corner, there were animals lining the hallway, moving slowly toward the sounds, which grew louder as they got closer.

“Out of the way!” shouted Billie.

Rounding another corner, the crowd thickened.

“Out of the way!” shouted Billie again.

Cagney had an easier time keeping up with Evan, while Billie fell behind. They rounded another corner where the entrance to one of the labs was blocked by a mass of animals. Evan flew over them. Cagney easily squeezed between and under them.

In one corner of the room, Milagra was hissing and mewing, swinging her paw under a cabinet, claws extended, her loose flabby skin pulsating with each swing. “Come out!” she screamed. There was a small trail of blood leading under the cabinet.

Behind the cabinet was a peeping sound, much louder than Cagney imagined a peeping sound could be from an animal.

“What’s going on here?” Cagney demanded as Billie caught up and entered the room.

Milagra turned to look at Billie and then at the crowd as if she had no idea a crowd had gathered; with a look like it was no one else’s business but her own. Milagra turned back to the cabinet and took another swipe.

“What’s going on?” Billie demanded. The crowd went silent. Milagra turned to look at Billie.

“She took my food,” said Milagra. “Sniffer. She’s under there. She took the food I’d been saving.

From under the table, Sniffer’s small voice came out in a trickle, like the trickle of her blood on the floor. “I found it,” she said. “I didn’t know it was hers.”

“Like hell,” said Milagra. “I wrote my name on it.”