I Am bigger than me

Here I was, halfway up a mountain in the Costa Rican rainforest; it felt so surreal, so completely different from the view I was used to seeing. At home in London the buildings were all squashed together, and the trees were fitted in between the concrete, allowing nature just a tiny space to live. It was such a contrast. Here I was surrounded by trees of all different shapes, sizes and colours, each one playing such a significant part in sustaining the life of this amazing forest. Here it was the opposite; it was the buildings that were fitted into the tiny spaces.

As I listened to the sounds coming from the Howler monkeys in the distance, I thought how surprisingly small they were for the amount of noise they made. With such big bellowing deep voices, I imagined them to be at least twice the size they actually were. There was something magical in watching the different species of birds fly past, the red macaws, toucans and hummingbirds, the sights and sounds of nature had never thrilled me as much as being here. The white noise made by the insects, each one individually sending out its unique signal, was constant and was not only a sound but a vibration I could feel. The signals were instinctive, each tiny insect born knowing what to do. They didn’t have to be told, they just knew and together they merged, sending a unified version of sound out into the jungle. They reminded me of an orchestra, the insects all playing their parts, their emitted signals meeting and coming together in a wonderful collaboration of frequency and sound. Throughout my life nature had always played a massive part in my growth, how I viewed the world and everything in it. When we open our eyes and really watch it, its cycle of life, its systems, its healing, there is an abundance of knowledge it has to share with us, teaching us so much more about ourselves.

My mind travelled back to the day Tracie and I knew we were coming to Costa Rica. Our friends Oliver and Stacey had bought a house in Costa and were thinking of setting up a retreat and asked us if we wanted to come over to be part of it. We thought it was a wonderful opportunity as it was something Tracie and I had spoken about many times before. It was agreed that we would go over in November. This gave us only a month to sort out the details; one of the main obstacles was the money for our travel. We had no money available for the flights, let alone our stay, but not letting a little thing like that stop us, we agreed, and arrangements were made. Tracie and I spoke about our upcoming trip and all the wonderful experiences we would have and were eagerly anticipating an amazing time. We knew the money would turn up, we didn’t know how but knew in our hearts it would. It was more than hope, it was a deep, inner knowing.

A few weeks passed and our friends were due to come over to England for a short stay and were going to help us with booking the flights and we still had no money.
In the meantime, life went on and we carried on with our projects. We had arranged to have a meeting with a lady who was interested in the projects we had organised in the community. The day of the meeting Tracie couldn’t make it so, rather than put her off, I agreed to meet her by myself. The meeting went well, and she was really impressed with what we had done and afterwards we began speaking about other things. I mentioned the opportunity that had presented itself to us and we both laughed when I told her we didn’t have the money yet. Then a strange thing happened, we began to get very personal and spoke about our children. I was going through a tough time with one of mine and I opened up to her, suddenly getting very emotional. She hugged me and told me about a similar situation she had with one of her children and we instantly connected on a deeper level and we sat for quite a while, confiding, comforting and laughing. Before she left, she told me she would like to offer us £1,000 pounds towards our trip. She really wanted to and didn’t want us to miss out on this incredible opportunity. I cannot tell you how that felt, and I thanked her and the heavens above for the wonderful gift and couldn’t wait to share the news with Tracie.

Oliver and Stacey arrived a few days later and we sat looking at flights. We only had five hundred each and they were known to be double that but, low and behold, there they were, flights at five hundred pounds. We quickly booked, and it was all arranged. We were going to Costa Rica. Stacey was quite surprised about the cost of the tickets and a few days later looked at the prices again and they had all increased to over a thousand pounds.
I thought how wonderful it was the way it all fell into place, the universe surprising and delighting us the way it did, and knew it was our expectation and focused attention on what we wanted to happen and now we were here, living what we had created.

I sat there looking around at the beautiful environment feeling extremely content and allowed my thoughts to wander whilst my eyes scanned the sea in the distance. I smiled as my eyes came across the whale I had excitedly spotted on our first day here, until a very amused Oliver explained it was a rock. The sun that had showered us in light was now being hidden behind a very dark grey raincloud and everything changed very quickly. The birds had instinctively disappeared with the sun and the white noise suddenly became drowned out with the onslaught of rain hitting the ground. We didn’t need to move from our seats, we were completely safe from it under the shelter of the wooden canopy and so I stayed seated and observed. I watched the rain hitting the pool and as each drop connected with the water, it created millions of ripples which all intermingled with each other. I thought this is what we are all like in a crowd, all sending out our ripples and interconnecting. If we could learn to appreciate and value each other for what each of us brings we could also play together in harmony in a unified version of sound. It was inspiring, sitting there watching it fall, not a drop touching my skin but being deeply touched by it. The burst didn’t last and before long the suns warmth burst through the darkness, its time was over, and the sun basked us in its light again. Just like that the birds appeared, their colours seeming even more vibrant and vivid and the symphony that had been drowned out burst into life, becoming audible once more.
A hummingbird appeared in front of me, its little wings beating so fast I couldn’t see them. It just hovered there effortlessly in mid-air, searching deep inside the flowers, going from one to the other. Its colours were incredible, the blues turning to green and then to blue again in any slight movement of its body. I smiled inwardly as I remembered the hummingbird is there to remind us that the sweetest nectar is found within.

Rainbows appeared after the rain, water droplets left by the rain struck by sunlight in a certain way, rain and sun, the beautiful contrast. I thought how important they both were, if there was only sun everything would dry up, and if there was only rain everything would drown, but together they created the perfect balance and when elements of them both come together, they can create the most beautiful rainbow. It all seemed so connected and representing us and our lives. I thought about the rainbow we have inside each of us, each energy centre with its own colour and its own frequency corresponding and assigned to different parts of our bodies.
I was pulled away from my train of thought by the sound of Tracie’s voice asking our friends if they had seen many rainbows whilst being here. I smiled as she must have been in on my thoughts, which was no surprise as we were often on the same train. I imagined them to be outstanding as, in Costa Rica, nature really was at her best. A brief discussion about rainbows took place and Oliver got up to get the net to clear the debris from the pool. Oliver had walked round to the other side of the house where the outdoor shower overlooked the lush green mountains and where, in the early morning, the clouds looked as though they were waking up after a night in the forest and gently escaping from the top of the trees. Oliver shouted for us to come and look! We all got up very quickly and, as we turned the corner, saw the most magnificent double rainbow, it was so big and the colours so vivid and bright. It was breath-taking and we all stood there in awe, transfixed on its beauty. It was incredible, truly outstanding. After absorbing it for a while, we started to make sounds, trying to convey in words how it made us feel. It is unclear who said it, when such beauty takes your breath away, sometimes the thoughts that come into your head leave your mouth without it being a conscious action, but either Tracie or I said, “I wonder what it would feel like to be at the end of it, to have all the different colours pouring into you and to completely bathe in its light.”

The next day arrived, and Stacey and Leslie had planned to take us to another waterfall. Costa Rica was full of them, each one so unique and magnificent in their own way. I felt calm and peaceful as I looked out of the car window, daydreaming. I recalled the beauty of yesterday’s rainbow; I had never seen one like that before. It had the ability to take my breath away just thinking about it. I daydreamed a lot, I always have, and I felt totally in tune with nature as I sat looking out absorbing my surroundings, watching the birds and the trees go past. Oh, the trees were so green and lush, the density and the sheer vastness of the forest excited me, and I imagined the entire life just one tree held, all the insects, birds, animals and organisms that lived or passed through it each day. I had learnt that trees share nutrition with each other through their roots and marvelled at the thought of how so much takes place beyond our view. It’s for us to open ourselves up to see, in deeper ways, the wonderful world we live in completely and fully. I visualised the roots of the trees, how far down and across they went, entangling each other and holding each other in a sign of unity and strength.

We arrived at our destination through a dirt track up in the mountain and parked up. This waterfall was unlike the previous one we had been taken to by our friends. I recalled the previous one had been high up in the mountains above their home. We had tracked through dense jungle, no path, just jungle, nothing but the slight sound of running water in the far distance to guide us. It was a long, hot trek but, oh, so worth it. When we reached a small clearing, it was as though the jungle opened up to show us a piece of its paradise, clear running water, the rocks, the sounds and nothing but mountains all around us. It really was in the middle of nowhere and, if this was nowhere, nowhere was heavenly.

The waterfall we found ourselves at was more known and had a path leading down to the water's edge. I looked around as we reached the bottom and marvelled at how the waterfalls were all so different and all so beautiful, the colours, the smells, and the sounds, everything so bright and alive. I looked at the massive boulder stuck in the middle of the waterfall right at the top. It was unusual and looked as though someone had strategically placed it there to stop its flow, but the sheer desire and power of the water, too fast and too constant, had simply gone around it. Finding the gaps and not allowing the boulder to obstruct the natural flow, it used the obstruction to create an even bigger spectacle than it would have been without it. I recalled how I had used my biggest obstacles in life to create and bring out something bigger and better in me; it was all a matter of perspective and I appreciated both the boulder and the water for the insight.

There was nobody else around as we put our bags down on the rocks and, as Tracie and I stood there, a beautiful rainbow suddenly appeared by the edge of the waterfall. Tracie and I looked at each other, immediately knowing it had been created for us, we had asked for it, we had wanted to know what it felt like to bathe in its light, to feel the colours going through us and here it was, appearing just as we’d arrived. We hurriedly took off our clothes, just chucking them on the rocks. We couldn’t wait to feel it but, before heading in, Stacey warned us there were most likely fish in there that bite, but we didn’t care, we had been given a rainbow. The universe had put all the elements together, conspiring to bring it to us and we both knew in our hearts we were blessed. If there were fish that bit in there, they wouldn’t be a match for how we were feeling right now.
As we waded in, being careful not to slip on the rocks underfoot, I received an impulse to try to get it caught on camera. I thought how great it would be to get a picture of us in it so I hurried back to get my phone. As I picked up my phone, I passed Stacey to give Leslie the phone, asking her to try to capture us. I remember vividly reaching the rainbow, the water was up to my chest and there was a constant rushing sound of the water as it powered through the gaps, hitting the water below with great force. I could feel the light, the colours running through me as it danced and played in recognition with my own, and I lifted my hands up in the air embracing it completely, receiving it fully and surrendering totally to its light. I could see Tracie opposite me, playing in it and taking it in. I could see her clearly one minute, then the next she was iridescent. We laughed and played together in the rainbow for ages until the time came when, sensing the same thing, we looked at each other, knowing it was time to leave.

As we began to head back to the edge, I looked back at the rainbow as if to say goodbye, to thank it for its presence and the beautiful experience it gave us that would remain in our hearts forever. I thanked its creator, feeling nothing but love and appreciation and, in that moment, I felt connected to everything and everyone. I looked around at my surroundings, the rainbow, the beauty, this place, nature; I was captivated, knowing it all came from the same divine energy and, as I looked back once more, the rainbow had gone. There were a few more people around as we reached where Stacey and Leslie were standing, and I thought how strange it was that nobody else had joined us. They had heard our laughter and seen us playing and, instead of joining in, chose to watch us in our joy. I excitedly asked Leslie is she’d managed to get some pictures but, better than that, she had caught it all on video.
We stayed for a while enjoying the water, making stone piles and sliding down the much smaller waterfall before heading out. Tracie and I watched the video in amazement as, at one point in the video, we became unrecognisable and were just two beings of pure light.
As we sat in the back of the car, both running over in our minds what had just happened, we listened as Stacey and Leslie replayed what they had witnessed. Tracie and I kept looking at each other, smiling, but unable to speak about it, the feeling far too intense and powerful. We couldn’t water this feeling down by using words, so we did what we usually do when we felt like this, we communicated energetically from our bubbles of joy. We returned back to the house, still full up to bursting point of rainbow light energy and began to try to explain to Oliver what happened. We showed him the video; thank God we had the video. Oliver remarked that it was a good thing Leslie had taken the video as it wasn’t one of Stacey’s strong points, capturing and taking pictures. I had no idea at the time, but my inner guidance did, and had guided me past Stacey to Leslie who captured the whole experience perfectly and completely, giving us something tangible to share with others so they could see for themselves the absolutely astounding experience we co-created with our desire. We knew we had experienced a miracle. We had asked for it and received it the very next day. We must have been so open to receive, no boulders or obstacles in our way and, if there were any obstructions, we didn’t let that stop us, we just flowed powerfully through the gaps.
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Rainbow reflections
As I watched the rain hit the pool, causing ripples that intermingled with each other, I could see so clearly how the vibrations and the energy each person radiates out affects everyone and everything it meets. We are always affecting or infecting, in every moment. When we start to choose the vibrations we send out, becoming aware of the power in each moment, we begin creating consciously rather than being led by our unbridled emotions.
Asking is the foundation for receiving and we asked what it would feel like to bathe in the light of the rainbow, and we received it the very next day. Before we landed in Costa Rica, we had talked about the spiritual journey we were about to go on. We expected miracles and were wide open to receiving them, and they were given to us.

We had no money when we arranged to go but knew it would come, envisioned being in the rainforest and felt how it would feel to be there. We spoke about it and what we would do when we were there, and we brought it into our reality. Our expectation and excited anticipation of what was to come created the circumstances to allow it to happen. We didn’t allow ‘what is' to determine what would be.

When we were told about the fish this could have put us off if our thoughts took us to a place of fear, but we weren’t vibrating in the energy of fear. Our vibration was so high that we knew, if we stayed in the vibration of love, and there were fish in the water that bit, their little teeth would not be a match for our love.

My inner guidance knew that Leslie was the one to capture the essence of us in the rainbow. I was led past Stacey to give Leslie the phone and, at that time, had no idea that Leslie was the one to capture this rare footage of us playing in the rainbow, fully capturing the moments of a miracle.

On later reflection I wondered why nobody else had joined us in the rainbow. There were people watching in awe from the sides, but nobody joined us. Perhaps they were content in just enjoying the show, or maybe they were not a vibrational match at that time for the miracle.

When I focus my thoughts back to that experience, I can still feel the power, the light of the rainbow colours as they shone through me, playing and dancing with the colours and light already inside me. I can see Tracie and her iridescent colours. I feel its power and I am so thankful that I now know what it feels like to bathe in Rainbow light.

As I was reflecting on this experience my mind wandered back to a time when I was a child, where I had desired something with a friend and our desire was met. I will take you to that place with me. The name of the experience is ‘Sure-footed as a goat’…