Scribbles of Realisation

Introduction

Nearly seven years ago, I was what I would describe as a lost soul, a wanderer who lost the way. I was someone who didn’t exactly know who he was and so chose to be whatever he perceived. In perspective I was a westernized Arab, and in principle I was just another with a shallow approach to life and a bad ego. I was distracted and preoccupied with all the things that don’t really matter. I was not happy; I was only chasing happiness and trying to prove I can be. Desire drove me, ignorance held me, and approval compelled me. In the midst of all this, I was trying to keep my Muslim identity. Eventually, my instability settled down to a different reality. There was a series of events that helped me, and I remember my brother telling me at some point ‘Amro, it seems like all your life you’ve been trying to be two very different and contradicting persons, and I think you need to choose one person now and just be him—whoever that is.’. I received those words at the climax of my turning point, but my story begins earlier.

As a child, I was naturally inclined towards my faith and had a strong connection to it. I often recall how at the age of ten, on a breezy summer night in Egypt’s North Coast, my paternal uncle and I stayed up under the stars and had a conversation that woke me. It was delivered with serenity and received with a sense of familiarity—a sincere reminder of God’s Majesty, His wonderful prophets, the test of life, and the destined ending of Heaven or Hell. A few years later, my maternal uncle had visited Makkah and returned with a gift, a beautiful prayer carpet that I still pray on till this day. By the time I was 13 I was an obese child, and so I asked God to help me lose weight and promised to never miss a prayer after that—a promise I’ve honoured and still keep. However, at the height of my teen years my prayer was meaningless, just a quick bodily motion that had no spiritual presence. My sins were much heavier than my deeds and my lifestyle was misaligned with my upbringing. This continued until my spiritual disarray was coincidentally met with the person who would align it. While searching for a mosque on a Friday afternoon, I was guided to one that would eventually become my second home. That day, I was taken away by the eloquence and ingenuity of the Imam[1] who delivered the sermon.

What followed next was a long and continuous process of purification. At first it was very brisk, like when fall starts and leaves fall away before winter begins—so did my old habits begin to shed. I became the Imam’s friend and slowly took steps away from error and into righteousness. I became a student eager to learn all the things I’ve missed. The Imam would emphasize that the foundation of our religion is love, and that every believer must be wholly immersed in it for Allah and the Prophet (ﷺ). When I drew closer I realized how far I was, and so I supplicated to God for love, knowledge, and wisdom and He showed me the resources to retrieve these treasures from. The companions of Allah, the ones who pass this life seeking Him alone and in doing so become a path for others, became my friends. The majority of my week’s evenings was spent seeking God with them. This beautiful blessing would occasionally fill me with tears, especially when I contrast it with where I was. Where I was ignorant, I became learned. Where I was empty, I grew fulfilled. Where I was unable to read the Holy Quran, I learned to read it. Where I did not guard my tongue from profanity, I saved it. Where I did not protect my gaze from indecency, I lowered it. Where I had no patience, I developed it. Where I could not control my outbursts of anger, I tamed it. Where I was lacking in so many different aspects, I found wholeness. Eventually, I revived my soul and transformed into an entirely different person. One who is still full of mistakes but is determined to improve himself.

As I went through this change, I would often write short pieces that reflect on my learnings. The scribbles I wrote were more than a self-dialogue as they also carried hope to someday reach people. There are many Muslims and spiritual people that need to be reminded of their purpose. We all need messages that stimulate realisations to snap out of unawareness. This is why I decided to gather my scribbles into this book and crown them with select verses of the Holy Quran and Prophet Muhammad’s (ﷺ) narrations. All of these writings abstractly record my journey to God, and I pray that it is of benefit for whoever reads them.

Reflect

I Am Of The Muslims

Allah has revealed in the Holy Quran:

Indeed, those who say: ‘Our Lord is Allah,’ and then led a righteous life—the angels will descend upon them: ‘Do not fear, and do not grieve, but rejoice in the news of the Garden which you were promised. We are your friends in this life and in the Hereafter, therein you will have whatever your souls desire, and therein you will have whatever you wish, as hospitality from an All-Forgiving, Most Merciful One.’ And who is better in speech than one who calls towards God, and does right, and says ‘I am of the Muslims’? The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal, push with whichever is better, and thereupon you will find that the one you have enmity with will become like an intimate friend. But none attains this except those who persevere, and none attains this except the greatly fortunate. And when a temptation from the Devil provokes you, seek refuge with Allah; He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing. (41:30–36)

Why

The Prophet (ﷺ)[2] said:

‘O people! The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions, and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended.’[3]

In the realm of truth, a person is measured by his or her purpose. The often ignored why is a key to understanding. Not from the surface but deep down within where it’s hard to be answered. I don’t have it answered, yet to be close enough to know that you’re far is much deeper than those with ready responses. To know is to lie; the self is deception. It waits for the why then steals all potential. The struggle is real, but alien to some, those who sacrificed and cast out company. Try to go deep, where no soul can see, then rewind and see through all your actions. Every word has a gate, the ears of your speech, and they go years without finding any sense or value. What can I say? It’s all just a waste. We do most for many, the non-existent. The One deserves all, in favour of all, yet I sits above in a throne of deception. The why is extinct amongst the thick. There are only needs to be met and no place for reality. ‘Just let me be. Don’t you see? The surface is real; deception is no enemy.’ The day will come when you’ll be defined, and all your whys will bring you misery. Blessed be those who surrendered their self; their simple why has given them liberty.

Global Change

Life has changed a lot over the last century. First, the world started shifting to a secular dynamic. Then globalization, technology, and multimedia made the world feel much smaller and connected. Along the way, the greedy forces of capitalism made it ever more materialistic. Several wars were waged during this time, and several economic crises rolled out, and both have edged us to global devastation. Now, the world’s debt keeps on multiplying, and we ironically borrow money to try and solve it. All of this, and much more, has drained the soul of the world and left it painfully shallow and selfish. This results in a constant need to change and innovate just to try and make a statement. This endless race gets tiring, and so obscene entertainment becomes the gateway out of it. This, along with various other variables, has distracted the masses and made people abandon God. This mistake is causing us much more suffering than all our self-inflicted suffering, for if we did not abandon Him, we would not have reached here.

The Muslim Identity

The times we live in are truly bizarre, and it’s in this period that the Muslim identity has been barred. The ego has taking charge, and the collective subconscious is in the wrong. The world is on alarm as violence becomes the norm, and peace is just a treaty amongst the strong. We do seem to have more comfort and ease, and a lot to be dulled and distracted with, but not pleased. The Muslim identity is lost in this storm, either completely gone or struggling to perform. That identity is characterised as haneef, which means naturally inclined towards the Truth. In this day and age, it’s hard not to be whirled in the madness of the world, but the seekers will find their way to the Divine.

The Irony

Some of us are more fortunate than others. Some have more cash, and some have more soul. Some have more bread, and some have no food. Yet somehow, no matter which more we have, we tend to measure by the lack, thus never keeping our eyes full. But some keep a low gaze and settle for less as if it were more. There is no doubt that most with more have less and most with less have more. Irony is how fairness is equated, but most people don’t know. What you see is only what may seem, and what really is lies beyond. The theory of contradiction states that all things are not necessarily what they seem but, rather, can be what they are or the opposite thereof. That’s life in a nutshell, but not too many people know.

Numb Pleasures

There are so many people out there who have everything that they want, yet they feel empty inside, so they just want more. They don’t understand that what they lack isn’t sold in a store. So they run into all kinds of mischief to run away from the void. Then there’s the bunch living life with the goal of someday having everything that they want. They will either die hungry or full, but never satisfied to the core. The hungry end of society looks up and feels numb; their silence is a scream to the seeing-hearing some. Evil means reach out to them, and they run—some towards and some from. All this is influenced from a low height high enough to shower ignorance in the hearts. On the surface, it’s hard not to be dumbed, but amongst rich and poor are those smart enough to figure it out. Numb pleasures only please numb hearts. The vigil stay away while they race in the dark.

Life Is But A Day

Allah has revealed in the Holy Quran:

[God] will say, ‘How many years did you remain on earth?’ They will say, ‘We remained a day, or part of a day; but ask those who keep count.’ He will say, ‘You remained only for a little while, if only you had known. Did you think that We created you in vain, and that to Us you will not be returned?’ So exalted is God, The Ruler, The Real. There is no God except He, The Lord of The Noble Throne. (23:112–116)

One of the greatest illusions we experience is our perception of time. On the day of resurrection, when we’re all revived into our everlasting life, we will realise the true length of our past. Many will say it was less than a day, and some will say it was just an hour. That’s all there is to this life; it’s all just an illusion of time and our delusion of reality.

Guilt

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.[4] (Confucius)

Guilt is a gift from your conscience warning you that what you’re doing is violating your soul. Just like anything, it becomes invisible once you train yourself to ignore it. Every now and then, you will be reminded, but unless you’re conscious of God, the reminders are pointless. Don’t silence your soul and fall victim to habit. You ought to repent and forget it ever happened. Dead hearts feel no shame; their guilt is buried away by the sins. They eventually harden and become like rocks—heavy, rigid, and prone to fall. Once you slip, you go through seven drops—guilt, shame, discomfort, habit, ignorance, pride, and inability for remorse.

Q And A

Answers have always been easy; it’s the questions that give you meaning. Everybody is looking for answers, but we have all the answers. We just don’t ask ourselves the right questions. Even when we do, there is so much there clouding our judgement. We often bury questions deeper than we bury answers, and when we’re confronted, we’re too quickly angered. On some level, we all know; we’re just on different levels of realisation. Some are awake and searching for meaning, humbly asking and patient for answers. Some are confused and distorting meanings, arrogantly asking and hasting for answers. Some are negligent, uninterested, and careless. Some are too focused on answering questions beyond human reasoning. Some ask for help; some ask for silence. Some ask to ask and have no room for answers. Some ask to trick, offend, and anger. Some answer questions with questions to have no answer. So many different answers depend on the asker.

Innocence

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

‘Shall I not inform you of whom the Fire is unlawful and he is unlawful for the Fire? Every person who is near [to people], amicable, flexible, and easy-going.’[5]

Innocence is the most valuable thing in this world. Innocence of hate, anger, and oppression. Innocence of guilt, shortcomings, and offenses. Innocence of all that is negative or even selfish. The suffering in us is led by our lack of innocence, and true happiness and peace come only from our purity.

Tao

Empty your mind of all thoughts. Let your heart be at peace. Watch the turmoil of beings, but contemplate their return. Each separate being in the universe returns to the common source. Returning to the source is serenity. If you don’t realize the source, you stumble in confusion and sorrow. When you realize where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, disinterested, amused, kind-hearted as a grandmother, dignified as a king. Immersed in the wonder of the Tao, you can deal with whatever life brings you, and when death comes, you are ready.[6] (Laozi)[7]

Tao (道) translates to ‘way, path, route, or doctrine’, which is equivalent to the Arabic word siraat (صراط). ‘Guide us to the straight path’ is what every Muslim reads in the beginning of each prayer. The path here, siraat, is translated the same way as Tao and also means ‘way, path, route, or doctrine’. This beautiful correlation in meaning could indicate that Laozi may have been a true prophet whose teachings of Islam[8] were later lost in erroneous following.

The Opening Prayer

Allah has revealed in the Holy Quran:

In the name of Allah—the Compassionate, the Merciful. All praise belongs to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. The Compassionate, the Merciful. Master of The Day of Judgement. You alone we worship, and You alone we ask for help. Guide us to the straight path. The Path of those You have blessed, not those You are displeased with, or those who are astray. (1:1–7)

Sacrifices

Doing as others told me, I was blind. Coming when others called me, I was lost. Then I left everyone, myself as well. Then I found everyone, myself as well.[9] (Rumi)

The Father of the Prophets, Ibrahim (ﷺ), taught us to stand up and walk alone if the things around feel wrong. This is how faith is born, and it’s usually the hardest step in the process. In a sense, he (ﷺ) simply looked around one day, took a step backwards, and said this is not right. Then he walked upright and straight, full of confidence and strength. He was destined for eternal bliss. This is the example we all need more than ever before. The world’s definition of normal has been degraded many times in history, and today it’s reached a new low. Everything you do is a rise above it or a subtle conform.

[1] Imam is an Arabic word that means ‘leader’ or ‘model’ and is often used by Muslims to refer to the one who leads the prayer.

[2] ﷺ translates to ‘whom God’s prayer and peace fall upon’, which is acronymized as PBUH in English, and stands for ‘peace be upon him’. This is what Muslims say after the mentioning of any prophet.

[3] Sahih al-Bukhari 1; Vol. 1, Book 1, Hadith 1 [English]; Book 1, Hadith 1 [Arabic].

[4] Quoteslyfe.com, 2021. “Confucius Quotes.” Accessed May 20, 2021. https://www.quoteslyfe.com/quote/Real-knowledge-is-to-know-the-extent-306734.

[5] Jami`at-Tirmidhi; Vol. 4, Book 11, Hadith 2488 [English]; Book 37, Hadith 2676 [Arabic].

[6] Laozi. Tao Te Ching. New York :Vintage Books, 1972.

[7] Laozi, or Lao Tzu, is a sixth-century BC Chinese writer and philosopher known as the founder of Taoism, an ancient Chinese religion which may have originally started off as Islam. Taoism believes in the existence of the Supreme Being and its three main principles are compassion, moderation, and humility—all of which resonates with Islam.

[8] Belief in One God by following His messengers.

[9] Jalāl al-Dīn Rūmī, and Coleman Barks. 2003. Rumi: the book of love : poems of ecstasy and longing. New York, NY: HarperOne, HarperCollins.