Values First: How Knowing Your Core Beliefs Can Get You the Life and Career You Want

Prologue

WEARING A BORROWED WHITE BANANA REPUBLIC BLAZER, I was feeling queasy but prepared as I walked into the job fair. I had just defended my dissertation in graduate school and borrowed $300 from my parents for a flight and registration fee to attend a conference in Los Angeles. I stayed with my childhood best friend, Helena, who lived in Pasadena. Helena gifted me the white blazer to wear for my interviews; her mom had bought it for her, and she’d never worn it. The blazer still had the tags on it when she offered it to me (a price I could never afford on my own). Putting it on, I hoped it magically covered my anxiety and turned it into casual confidence.

I was feeling very official with my white blazer and newly minted PhD. I had a few meet-and-greets lined up and went to the conference to apply for more positions. There was one job that I had chosen not to pre-apply for. It was for a small consult- ing firm outside of my hometown. They were looking for new PhDs with specific experience, and while I had the credentials, I didn’t have the experience. I’d done some consulting work in my graduate school, but never the exact things that were written in the job description. I felt like I could do the job and figure it out along the way. I loved learning, diving in. But I didn’t meet the objective criteria, so I didn’t apply.

At the job fair, each employer had a box, and if you hadn’t pre-applied for the position, you put your paper resume in the box to apply. There was a big piece of furniture with slot numbers representing the companies. I looked at this tall grid marked for employers. Would one of these companies be my first employer? Would

I really get a job here? Would I get second interviews onsite? Would I be able to make it through the day without throwing up?

My nerves were getting the better of me, so I decided to make a lap around the conference. Getting the lay of the land, getting familiar with my surroundings, and doing some people-watching have always been ways for me to calm myself a bit. I walked around the conference, seeing people rushing into rooms to hear a talk, seeing old friends reuniting with each other, and spying on others who were awkwardly networking.

After people-watching, I came back around to the job fair area and stared at the resume boxes. There I was with the fancy faux-leather portfolio my father had given me to put my newly printed resumes in, standing there looking at the boxes. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. Opening my portfolio, I reviewed the notes I took—which box numbers did I want to put my resumes in? One copy of my resume hesitantly went in the box for a gig in Oklahoma, and another for a job in New Jersey.

With a quick scan of the boxes, I found it. The box for the company I had chosen not to apply to. Because, you know, I wasn’t qualified for that one. I looked behind me and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The white jacket gleamed back at me.

In my mind, I heard the voice of my professor from my pro- gram evaluation class: “After this class, you’ll know how to evaluate anything. You’ll be able to go into any situation because you’ll know what to do, even if you’ve never done it before.”

With my resume in hand, I stared down the box. I love to learn, I can figure this out, I thought. In that moment, centering in onwhat I knew was true—that I loved to learn and be challenged—I knew what I had to do.

I stared at my resume, then the box, then the resume, then the box; I held my breath and quickly shoved my resume in...

Then I ran out of there as quickly as I could so I couldn’t change my mind—such a rule breaker, applying for a job that I wasn’t qualified for.

Guess which job I ended up getting? You know, that one—the one I almost didn’t apply for.

This is a book about knowing what you value—and using that to get the life and career you want.

Put your resume in the freaking box.

Introduction

IN BUSINESS AND IN LIFE, WE ARE OFTEN TOLD THAT THE ideal type of leader is someone with the right executive presence and charisma to motivate teams. We are sold the image of a leader as someone who dedicates their whole life to work, going above and beyond everyone else, often being the loudest person in the room.

That type of leadership didn’t work for me. I’m guessing it doesn’t work for you, either.

I’ve spent my career studying, working with, and building the capability of great leaders in all sizes of organizations, from small businesses to Fortune 500 companies. In my research, I have found that what makes a true leader isn’t how loudly you command a room, but how authentically you show up as yourself in your values.

In this book, I share my experience with being the quiet one in the room, amongst lots of ambitious, extroverted leaders.

Throughout my career, my introversion has been both a strength and an obstacle to overcome. I studied personality and temper- ament in graduate school. I’m not here to test you. I’m not ana- lyzing you. I’m not here to tell you what the perfect profile is for a leader (hint: there isn’t one).

I’m here to tell you about what I’ve learned in my two decades of studying and working with high-performing leaders. I want to tell you that there is no one way to be a great leader, except to lead with your authentic style.

When you show up authentically, centered in your values, you’ll be more successful. I know this to be true for myself. You will learn how to do this through the Values FirstTM Framework.

This is the framework that I’ve used to build boundaries and create a team culture to motivate others to achieve success, while leading as my authentic self. It is the framework that I use to coach executives to do the same.

Throughout the book, I’ll guide you through the Values First Framework. You’ll learn through my experience, and I’ll challenge you to do some serious self-reflection and action-taking along the way. The framework consists of six parts:

Here’s what you’ll accomplish in each section of this book using the framework:

Values First. Dig into what matters most to you and set the foundation of your core values. You’ll also get clarity on what living those values looks like uniquely to you.

Audit Time. Review your time to see where your values do and don’t show up in your life and learn how to use your values to make difficult decisions at home and at work.

Life Boundaries. Set your Values First priorities to create the boundaries you need to truly live the life that you want and create a system for keeping those boundaries in place.

Uplifting Others. Find the support you need from peers and mentors to keep your boundaries intact and learn strategies to model your values with your team by building a Values First culture as a leader.

Experiencing Conflict. Create a plan now so when con- flict arises with yourself or your team, you can easily know what to avoid and how to move forward in alignment with your values.

Sustaining Values. Build an action plan to live your values and boundaries for the long haul.

That’s your full Values First action plan, and what you’ll go over in each section. To get the most out of this book, here’s what you need to do:

Download the free Values First workbook at www.the- catchgroup.com/valuesfirst (pause now and go get it, be- cause you’ll want it throughout this book!).

Print the worksheets out so you can write directly on them.

Use the stories in this book as an example of how to im- plement the Values First Framework in your life.

Take action—do the worksheets and make the changes needed in your life to live with your Values First.

Join the Values First community and get extra support at thecatchgroup.com/valuesfirst.

In this book I’ll tell you stories about my missteps, my learn- ings, and some of my proudest moments while referencing the stages in my career. I’ve worked as a consultant, had jobs in cor- porate Fortune 50 companies, worked in non-profit, and built my own company. I’ve held multiple roles, from having my first job as a consultant fresh out of graduate school to being a first-time manager; to holding a job in the C-suite as the chief learning officer and later, founding a company.

I’ve been an individual contributor (didn’t have a team or someone who reported to me), had one direct report, led small teams, and also led big teams. I’ve managed people who have managed other people. I’ve been in many different roles, had promotions, lateral transitions, and have switched companies throughout my career. I’ve had many managers, including some that I couldn’t stand and some that still motivate me to grow and learn today, even though I don’t work for them anymore.

As I share with you my many lessons learned, I’ll recount stories from my own experience to the best of my recollec- tion. Consider this a career memoir with actionable tools. I’ve changed the names of some individuals and all companies to give them confidentiality. I’ll use the below timeline to reference my career:

Early career—first job consulting, individual contributor/ manager at Fortune 50 company

Early mid-career—executive, leading leaders at Fortune 50 company

Mid-career—senior executive, leading teams at Fortune 50 company, C-suite position in smaller organization

Late mid-career—entrepreneur and executive coach

My goal is to bring more diversity and authenticity to the workplace. I want to see more authenticity from those in manager positions, senior leaders, and C-suite leaders. That’s the mission of my company, The Catch Group: to accelerate the careers of women into more leadership positions and to get more diversity and authenticity in the top jobs at organizations. After being in corporate America as an executive in Fortune 50 companies and in the C-suite myself, I left my big job to pursue what mattered most to me.

What mattered most? My values of growth, development, and advocacy to build a company that focuses on accelerating the ca- reers of women. Every day I get to coach high-achieving women individually or through group coaching.

The only way to make change and lead with your values is to do the work. The good news is, I’ve made it easy for you in this book, outlining steps you can take and helping you through the full Values First Framework process. Plus, I have support on my website including a workbook, weekly tips, and my podcast, You Belong in the

C-Suite. Get the help you need at www.thecatchgroup.com/valuesfirst. I hope this book helps you understand a perspective different than your own. This is my perspective. And let me tell you, as an introvert, it is both freeing to get this down on paper and also extremely terrifying that it is now out in the world. If you are feeling stuck or scared, know that I’m right here with you, pushing through and sharing my wisdom.

Enjoy the process, dig in, and happy action-taking.

Ready? Where do you start? Well, it’s called Values First for a reason. Let’s start there.

Values First: Setting the Foundation

THERE ARE TIMES IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOUR VALUES ARE apparent—so ingrained in you that you don’t have to think; you just do. Those values come to us through trial and error, practice, and tradition. In this section, you will get clarity on your values to set the foundation of your values-first life.

Growing up, each Christmas our family of six would pile into our silver Toyota minivan with maroon cloth interior and drive a few hours to east Texas to cut down our tree. Yes, that’s totally a thing. Think red barn, hot cider, tractor pulling a trailer with seats made from hay to sit on as the tractor drops you off in the middle of a field of trees. You can bring your own saw or borrow one of theirs (usually rusted and super dull, but those make for better memories). Then the search for the perfect tree would begin.

It had to be tall enough, round enough, and not have too many bare spots in the branches. If it did have bare spots, could it be turned around to hide its imperfections when on display?

The trunk had to be mostly straight. As a kid, my siblings and I coveted the role of the tree finder.

You wanted to be the person that found the one; there’s pride in that (I picked this year’s tree!). We would get the final okay from my mom, who was the actual decider of the tree we ultimately picked. When you finally found “the one,” you took the requi- site family picture in front of it, while it was still rooted in the ground. Then (and only then) would my dad get the saw and gloves ready (if he remembered them), squat down, and start sawing down the tree.

My mom would stand up, pushing on the tree, helping with a little force to get it to fall. Then, we would take another picture of my dad with the tree, as if he were showing off a huge fish that he just caught, big enough to win the county fair. He’d carry the tree to the path where the tractor would come by and pick us back up and go to the barn, for the tree to get shaken (to take off all of the loose needles) and bailed (put in a plastic netted wrapping to minimize its size so you could easily put it on the top of your car). They’d measure it and give you the ticket to bring to the woman at the front where you could only pay in cash or with a check.

We’d hang out for a while and then, for some reason we’d ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, stop at Sonic on the way home to eat. We’d get tater tots and the peppermint candy. It was amazing. We didn’t eat out a lot, so it was a special treat. Every. Single. Year.

When we got home, we’d take the tree off the car, and my dad would get ready to put it in the tree stand. But before he did that, he’d saw off the bottom of the tree to make it even and also to keep it as a keepsake. My parents kept the sawed-off logs from each tree every year. They displayed them as decorations in a woodpile near the fireplace. It was a memento of that moment. You could look back, and some years it was a thinner trunk, sometimes a thicker one. Over the years, we had more and more tree trunks as our family got older. Every year, we went to the tree farm. It was our family tradition.

When my siblings and I became adults, some of us lived in the same city near each other.

My sister asked me one year, “Want to go get a Christmas tree at a farm?”

“Yes!” I replied, reminiscing of our trips as children.
So, that’s what we did; we found a new farm in east Texas. This one was only about an hour away. At the time, I was newly married to my husband, Brian, and my sister had two daughters. We started the tradition again, with Christmas carols playing in the car on the

way there and back. We even ate at Sonic on the way home.
One year, it was harder. We had our son by then, still an infant hanging out in his Baby Bjorn strapped to my chest. This trip was comprised of more whining, more complaining from the kids—and eventually everyone—plus we had the baby on top of it. It seemed like a slog, to be honest. No one seemed super happy like the years before, but we went, we did it, darn it—we got our Christmas trees and ate at Sonic on the way home. As we were on the way back, we debriefed the ordeal. Was it worth it? With all the kids, all the driving? Weekends were precious time

away from my long commute. I relished those non-driving days. Next year, should we just not do this and get a tree at a lot, or even consider a FAKE tree (blasphemy)?

A few months later, in February, my sister sent me a text. My niece, around nine at the time, had drawn her a picture for Valentine’s Day while at school. At the top of the page was “Love is...” printed with a space to draw a picture below. In the picture, she drew all of us at the tree farm. She drew out our whole family. Her picture displayed the love and gratitude she had for our tra- dition. Even though she wasn’t a happy camper on the trip (and didn’t eat her lunch, said she’d rather be home, and whined like all of us that day), it had meant something to her. It was stability. It was nostalgia. It was important. It meant love to her.

Reflecting back, this family tradition of getting our tree is a representation of my value of family. Prioritizing the time to keep the tradition alive. Prioritizing the quality time. Prioritizing what matters most.

What matters most to you?