5-Page Critique

NEW for 2024, we're offering all writers to receive a 5-page critique tailored to help you hone the first reader impression of your upcoming work. This exclusive feedback package goes beyond a critique. It's designed to be a valuable tool for gaining early reader engagement in your opening scene, in either a novel or a screenplay.

Think of it as a personalized roadmap to take your story to the next level! Below you can see some examples of critiques we have done.

Included:

What is Included in Our 5-Page Critique

Here's what you'll get:

  • Expert Insights on Your Story's Opening: Our experienced editorial team will delve into the first 5 pages, analysing your writing style, character development, and the overall grip of your narrative.
  • Actionable Feedback for Enhancement: Forget cryptic critiques! We'll provide clear, actionable suggestions to maximize the impact of your opening scene.
  • Gauge Reader Engagement: This feedback will give you valuable insights into how effectively your story hooks readers and keeps them wanting more.

This 5-page critique costs £30 per submission.

But wait, there's more! You can also order...

  • A scorecard for writing quality, compelling characters, and storytelling potential: This score will give you a snapshot of your strengths and areas for further exploration. Think of it as a beta reader service, specifically focused on your crucial opening scenes.

This 5-page critique costs £35 with the score rating.

Writer Testimonials on our 5-Page Critiques

See some examples below.

5-Page Critique Examples

Here are some examples of the critiques our editorial team have done for our writers. Titles and writers names are not mentioned for obvious reasons.

Example 1

INSIGHTS ON THE SCENE'S OPENING:

The prologue opens with an intriguing and ominous description, instantly capturing the reader's attention. The writer effectively sets the tone for a horror narrative with the mention of numerous eyes watching the protagonist's every move, some described as "demonic." This creates a sense of unease and foreboding right from the start.

The character development in the prologue is somewhat limited, as the protagonist remains unnamed, and their motivations are not explicitly stated. However, the writer successfully establishes the character's meticulous nature and focus through their actions, such as carefully studying the disturbing painting and meticulously planning their subsequent actions.

The narrative's grip is strong, leaving the reader curious about the significance of the ancient book and the gruesome painting, as well as the protagonist's intentions. The transition to the next scene, where the son's blood is described in vivid detail, further piques the reader's interest, and sets up the overarching mystery or conflict.

ACTIONABLE FEEDBACK FOR ENHANCEMENT:

1. Enhancing Prose with Evocative Language:
- The description of the painting could be further enhanced with more vivid and sensory details, allowing the reader to fully visualize the gruesome scene.
- The writer could use more figurative language to create a stronger emotional impact, particularly when describing the protagonist's emotional state or the disturbing elements of the narrative.

2. 'Show, Don't Tell' Approach:
- While the writer effectively shows the protagonist's actions, there are instances where the narrative slips into telling rather than showing, such as when describing the protagonist's thought process regarding the human sacrifice.
- The writer could consider revising these sections to allow the reader to experience the character's thoughts and emotions more directly through their actions, internal monologue, or sensory details.

3. Deeper Character Point of View:
- While the third-person perspective provides a detached viewpoint, the writer could consider delving deeper into the protagonist's thoughts and emotions to enhance the reader's connection with the character and better understand their motivations.
- Additionally, incorporating more sensory details from the protagonist's perspective could further immerse the reader in the scene.

4. Other Writing Elements:
- The pacing of the prologue is well-executed, building tension and leaving the reader wanting more.
- The writer could consider expanding on the backstory or context surrounding the ancient book and the painting, as these elements seem to hold significant importance in the narrative.

READER ENGAGEMENT:
The opening scenes effectively hook the reader with their ominous tone, vivid descriptions, and the promise of a disturbing mystery or conflict. The abrupt shift to the son's situation in England further piques the reader's curiosity, leaving them wanting to understand the connection between these seemingly disparate events.

However, the lack of character development and insight into the protagonist's motivations may limit the reader's emotional investment in the early stages of the narrative. Addressing this through deeper point-of-view writing and character exploration could enhance the reader's engagement and compel them to continue reading.

SCORE THE SCENE:

A) Writing Quality: 6-7: The writer demonstrates strong descriptive abilities and an effective use of tension-building techniques. However, there is room for improvement in terms of evocative language, sensory details, and the 'show, don't tell' approach.

B) Compelling Characters: 6: While the protagonist's actions and the disturbing elements of the narrative are compelling, the lack of deeper character development and insight into their motivations may limit the reader's emotional connection with the characters.

C) Storytelling Potential: 7-8: The opening scenes effectively set up an intriguing mystery or conflict, leaving the reader eager to unravel the connections between the various elements presented. The writer's ability to build tension and maintain a sense of unease throughout the scenes demonstrates strong storytelling potential, however with rewrites explained above, this score could easily rise.

OUR SCORE SYSTEM OUT OF 10:
Developing Potential (1-3): This section emphasizes areas where the writing can be strengthened significantly.
Engaging Story (4-7): This category highlights a good foundation with an engaging story and interesting characters with some enhancements needed.
Masterful Storytelling (8-10): This section signifies exceptional writing with vivid descriptions, deep emotional connection, and well-crafted characters.

Overall, the writer has crafted an engaging and intriguing opening with strong storytelling potential. By addressing the areas for improvement highlighted in the critique, such as enhancing evocative language, deepening character development, and maintaining a consistent 'show, don't tell' approach, the writer can elevate the narrative to a higher level of mastery.

Example 2

This poem, "XXX (title removed for privacy)," effectively utilizes imagery, figurative language, sound devices, diction, and theme to convey its message about the emotions and worries of trees, paralleling them with human experiences.

The imagery in the poem vividly paints pictures of each tree and its surroundings, allowing readers to visualize the palm tree swaying in the warm sun, the willow weeping by the water, the baobab standing proud in the desert, and so on. This imagery helps to bring each tree to life and makes them relatable to the reader.

Figurative language is skillfully employed throughout the poem, with personification giving the trees human-like qualities and emotions. For example, the palm tree worries about rising sea levels, the willow feels sad, the baobab asks for help, and the oak expresses loneliness. These personifications deepen the emotional impact of the poem and make it easier for readers to empathize with the trees.

Sound devices such as rhyme and rhythm are used effectively, adding a musical quality to the poem and enhancing the reading experience. The rhyming scheme is consistent and helps to create a sense of unity and cohesion throughout the piece.

The diction chosen in the poem is precise and purposeful, evoking specific emotions and imagery. Words like "proudly rise," "patiently waiting," "trembles," and "long-lost" contribute to the overall tone and theme of the poem.

Thematically, the poem explores the interconnectedness of humans and nature, highlighting the importance of empathy, understanding, and taking action to protect the environment. It encourages readers to recognize and acknowledge the emotions of trees and to consider their own emotions in relation to nature.

Overall, "If you were a tree" is a well-crafted poem that effectively uses imagery, figurative language, sound devices, diction, and theme to convey its message. It engages the reader emotionally and encourages reflection on the relationship between humans and the natural world.

ENHANCEMENT POTENTIAL
Here are some suggestions for enhancing the poem:

Varying Rhyme Scheme: While the consistent rhyme scheme adds cohesion to the poem, consider incorporating some variation to keep the reader engaged. Experiment with different rhyme patterns or introduce occasional slant rhymes for a subtle shift in the rhythm.

Sensory Imagery: To further immerse the reader in the world of each tree, incorporate more sensory details beyond visual imagery. Describe the sounds of rustling leaves, the scent of blossoms, the texture of bark, or the taste of fruit to create a richer, more immersive experience.

Exploring Additional Emotions: While the poem effectively conveys a range of emotions felt by the trees, consider exploring additional emotional nuances or complexities. This could involve delving deeper into conflicting feelings or introducing unexpected emotions to add depth to each tree's character.

Structural Variation: Experiment with varying the structure of the poem to create contrast and emphasis. This could involve using shorter or longer stanzas, incorporating enjambment to create fluidity, or introducing a refrain to reinforce the central message.

Expanding Themes: While the theme of human-nature interconnectedness is central to the poem, consider exploring additional themes or layers of meaning. This could involve delving into themes of resilience, adaptation, loss, or hope to provide a more multifaceted exploration of the relationship between humans and trees.

Revision for Clarity and Flow: Review the poem for any areas where the language may be unclear or the flow disrupted. Ensure that each stanza transitions smoothly to the next and that the overall narrative arc remains cohesive and engaging.

Incorporating Concrete Actions: While the poem encourages reflection and empathy, consider incorporating specific actions or solutions that readers can take to address environmental challenges. This could involve providing resources, suggestions, or calls to action to empower readers to make a positive impact.

By incorporating these enhancements, the writer can further strengthen the poem and deepen its impact on readers, fostering greater emotional resonance and engagement with the themes explored.

SCORE
Based on the suggested enhancements, here's the score:

Developing Potential: 5 - While the poem effectively conveys emotions and themes, there is room for improvement in terms of varying the rhyme scheme, incorporating more sensory imagery, and exploring additional emotional nuances.

Engaging Story: 6 - The poem presents a compelling exploration of the emotions and experiences of trees, fostering empathy and reflection in the reader. However, with the suggested enhancements, it has the potential to further captivate and resonate with the audience.

Masterful Storytelling: 7 - The poem demonstrates skillful storytelling through its vivid imagery, figurative language, and thematic depth. With further refinement and incorporation of suggested enhancements, it could achieve an even higher level of mastery, creating a more immersive and impactful reading experience.

Overall, the poem shows promise and effectively communicates its central message, but there are opportunities for refinement and expansion to elevate it to a higher level of storytelling mastery.

Example 3

INSIGHTS ON THE SCENE'S OPENING:

The opening paragraphs immediately draw the reader in with vivid descriptive prose and a candid, relatable voice. Stella's introspection about her ambivalence toward motherhood and the surreal experience of her miscarriage effectively establish her mindset and emotional landscape. The inclusion of sensory details, such as the "stale breath of exhaust fumes" and the radiologist's "inscrutable" expression, grounds the reader in the visceral reality of the situation.

The writing style is polished, with a nice balance of introspection, dialogue, and scene-setting. Stella's inner world is revealed through her thoughts and the dreamlike sequence involving the whale and mermaid, adding layers of symbolism and depth to her character.

While the opening primarily focuses on Stella's perspective, the brief introduction of other characters, such as Josh and Flo, hints at the complex web of relationships and dynamics to be explored further. The scene has a strong narrative grip, effectively capturing the reader's interest and empathy through Stella's raw, vulnerable emotional state.

Overall, the scene effectively establishes Stella's internal conflict and emotional turmoil regarding her unexpected pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. Stella's voice comes through clearly, allowing readers to empathize with her uncertainty and fear. The vivid descriptions of the settings, such as the traffic-filled car ride and the sterile hospital cubicle, add to the overall atmosphere and help immerse the reader in Stella's world. However, some elements could be strengthened to enhance the narrative grip. For instance, deeper exploration of Stella's past and her relationship with Josh could provide more context and depth to her character development.

ACTIONABLE FEEDBACK FOR ENHANCEMENT:
Descriptive Prose:
The prose is already rich in sensory details and evocative descriptions, but there is potential to enhance the figurative language and metaphorical depth even further.
Example: When describing the emotional weight of her miscarriage, metaphors or similes likening it to a physical burden or tangible loss could heighten the impact.

Show, Don't Tell:
While the scene excels at showing Stella's inner world, there are a few instances where emotional states are stated outright. Example: "Aghast, I remained silent, hoping her attention would be needed elsewhere." This could be demonstrated through descriptive actions or physical responses.
Instead of explicitly stating her feelings ("I was numb"), consider showing her actions, thoughts, and dialogue to reveal her emotional state more subtly.

Character Depth:
Stella's interiority is well-developed, but the other characters (Josh, Flo, etc.) could benefit from deeper insights into their thoughts, motivations, and unique voices.
Exploring the nuances of Stella's relationships with these characters could add richer emotional layers and potential sources of conflict.
Provide deeper insights into Stella's thoughts and emotions to strengthen the connection between the reader and the character.
Delve into her past experiences, fears, and desires to add complexity to her character and make her more relatable.

Enhance Prose with Evocative Language:
Utilize more sensory details and figurative language to enrich the prose and create a more immersive experience for the reader. For example, describing Stella's physical sensations during the ultrasound appointment or her emotional state in more vivid terms could heighten the impact of the scene.

Consistency in Tone and Voice:
Ensure consistency in Stella's voice and tone throughout the scene to maintain narrative coherence and authenticity.
Pay attention to shifts in perspective or language that may disrupt the reader's immersion in Stella's point of view.

Other Feedback:
The pacing and narrative flow are strong but consider breaking up some of the longer paragraphs for better readability and emphasis on key emotional beats.
Ensure consistent tense usage throughout the narration (a few instances of present tense slip into past tense).

READER ENGAGEMENT:
This scene is highly engaging, effectively hooking the reader through Stella's raw emotional vulnerability, her relatable internal struggles, and the poignant portrayal of her miscarriage experience. The strong narrative voice, vivid descriptions, and dreamlike symbolic elements create a sense of immersion and emotional resonance.

However, the true strength of the scene lies in its ability to raise questions and establish intriguing narrative threads to be explored further. Stella's ambivalence toward motherhood, her strained relationship with Josh, her connection to her friend Flo, and the hint of unresolved issues with her mother all contribute to a sense of anticipation and a desire to learn more about her journey.

While the emotional weight of the miscarriage is palpable, the introduction of the potential health complications and the mention of chemotherapy add an additional layer of tension and stakes, compelling the reader to continue following Stella's story.

SCENE SCORE OUT OF 10:

Writing Quality: 7-8 - The prose is evocative, the narrative voice is authentic, and the emotional depth is palpable. While there is room for minor refinement, the overall writing quality is exceptional.

Compelling Characters: 6-7 (Engaging Story) - Stella is a richly drawn, emotionally resonant character. However, the other characters could benefit from deeper exploration to elevate them to truly compelling status.

Storytelling Potential: 7-9 - The combination of Stella's personal struggles, her complex relationships, and the potential health crisis creates a rich tapestry of narrative threads ripe for exploration, promising a highly engaging and emotionally resonant story.

Overall, this scene showcases masterful storytelling skills, with evocative prose, emotional depth, and a rich narrative premise. While there is room for further character development and refinement, the scene succeeds in immersing the reader in Stella's world and leaving them invested in her journey. With its strong foundations, this story has the potential to blossom into a truly captivating and resonant exploration of complex human experiences and relationships.

To reiterate, the scene effectively hooks the reader by presenting a compelling protagonist facing a challenging situation. Stella's relatable struggles and the emotional intensity of the narrative are likely to engage readers and keep them invested in her journey. However, refining certain aspects, such as pacing and character development, could further enhance reader engagement and immersion in the story.

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