A Ghost Written Autobiography for Darren Jacklin

Introduction

There was a time in my early twenties when I was living off welfare and selling watermelons on the side of the road. One day, I struck up a conversation with a very wealthy, successful real estate investor who had been purchasing my watermelons in bulk. He had the academic education of a third grader, believing that life was a far greater teacher than formal school. Our lives couldn’t have been more different, yet we quickly became friends. He started taking me for rides around the city in his old Lincoln Town Car. The car reminded me of a big boat, with comfortable seating that made you feel like you were sitting in a cozy living room.

During one of our cruises, he stopped and pointed out a vacant lot. He pulled over. “Get out of the car. What do you see?” he demanded in his deep, gruff voice. Shaking nervously, I explained that all I could see was an empty piece of land, overgrown with weeds and surrounded by a rusty chain link fence. “You’ve got to change your thinking! You’re going to stay broke thinking that way!” he shouted, while pounding on the hood of the car. “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” We approached the lot and paused, taking it in. He excitedly shared his vision with me, saying, “I see a booming three-story commercial real estate complex here. I see opportunity zones. It’s about learning to turn a crisis into an opportunity.” I later realized that this man was teaching me about mindset. This experience marked the beginning of my journey from being an employee, who trades time for money, to an entrepreneur, who sees possibilities in everyday life.

For the longest time, I thought opportunities only came to a select few individuals. I thought people needed certain qualifications—such as an MBA, PhD, luck, or generational wealth—in order for the universe to bless them with glory and gold. Opportunities had surrounded me my entire life, yet I was blind to them simply because my mindset was broken. The biggest thing holding me back, though, was my lack of adequate understanding needed to see the problem. I didn’t know my beliefs were self-limiting. I couldn’t envision a reality beyond the one I was living. I was on the streets selling watermelons because, up until that point, I had been stepping over and walking past one opportunity after another. Just as my mind perceived a desolate lot full of weeds, my ego had fooled me into thinking that my identity was that of a fruit salesman and nothing more.

People often struggle to see themselves in a new position or career because their egos don’t like risk. A major shift in identity often leaves people feeling very vulnerable. “What are people going to think about me? Am I going to be rejected? If I leave this company and start over at a new one, are my colleagues going to treat me differently?” The thing is, life is all about making choices, seizing opportunities, and every now and again, taking a leap of faith. My life immediately improved when I started letting go of my fears and self-limiting beliefs and began embracing calculated risks. The success story that lies in the pages ahead can be traced back to the simple yet powerful lesson that one of the most important guiding principles in life is limiting our exposure to potential liabilities and managing risk.

Are you the type of person who sees potential opportunity? Do you go through life riding the fence, or are you willing to make the jump? My goal is to give you as much perspective, wisdom, and understanding as I possibly can so that you’ll be better equipped to overcome challenges much like my own. I’ve chosen to organize the content of this book according to the nine values that matter most to me personally. My experience has taught me that if you have an unrelenting focus and dedication to your values, then it becomes easier to manifest a life that brings you joy, pride, and fulfillment. Our hierarchy of values define who we are. They affect how we interact with the rest of the world, and they influence our decisions—both consciously and subconsciously. Each chapter includes lessons from my life that explain what it means to accept, and live by, that particular value. If you haven’t already done so, take a moment to list out your own set of values. As you make your way through my list and related stories, I encourage you to reflect on your own life. Consider moments when your actions aligned with your list of values and perhaps also when they didn’t.

I’ve shared much of my story with millions of people over the years, but this book is a little different. Most people get uncomfortable at the thought of divulging personal secrets—especially when this means admitting errors—but it’s pointless to hold on to this discomfort. By letting go of shame and embarrassment, I’ve allowed myself to explore and learn from many of my biggest mistakes. More importantly, this process has positioned me so that I may share these lessons with you! Until I Become is an opportunity for me to shed light, give back, and express my number-one love language—acts of service.

Past pain and suffering are things that few people speak of openly. The condition of being human—in a physical body on this earth— means that no person can fully escape trauma. Whether big or small, everyone experiences trauma, and unless you work through it, you will unknowingly bring it forward to your present and future life. This book is a way for me to continue on my journey toward healing by studying my values more deeply than ever before. Above all, though, it’s about you. This book was compiled with community in mind, which is why the first chapter is 'Service'—the value at the very top of my list.

I am moved, touched, and inspired at the chance to help others in this new way. For many years now, the focus of my career has been on helping others uncover blind spots in their world. The same passion for serving people that has fueled my career and personal success is responsible for this work. My hope is to bring you insights that may prevent you from making the same mistakes I did, or at least to the extent that I did. If you’re struggling to find your footing in life, if you’re content with your life, or even if you’re doing quite well, I’m confident my story will help you. I’ll also periodically share books that have influenced me in different ways and at different points throughout my life. You’ll notice I’ve included a Very Important Points, or VIPs, section at the end of each chapter to help drive home meaningful ideas and concepts. These sections are also a great way to quickly find and highlight main points.

VIPs

The secret to living is giving. Enrich your life by putting the needs of others before your own. (Ch1)

Having the mindset of an innovator can help you recognize opportunities to solve countless problems, which can in turn translate to a bigger bank account. (Ch2)

Seek mentors, training, and development opportunities to help you discover your blind spots. (Ch3)

Learn to embrace the present moment and celebrate the simple things in life. (Ch4)

If you want real relationships that enrich your life, you must be real with others and especially with yourself. (Ch5)

It’s tough to be transparent with others when you are not in tune with yourself. The more you understand yourself, the better you’re able to help other people understand themselves and the world around them. (Ch6)

When you have the right mindset, collaboration becomes a powerful problem-solving tool. (Ch7)

Tenacity is fundamental to every success story—past, present, and future. (Ch8)

This is an opportunity for you to gain a more complete vision of the future you’ve always dreamed of—the life that reflects your own design and an abundance mindset. I believe knowledge is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other. So rather than interpreting my message as a hard-and-fast lesson, think of it more like a gift from me to you—you’re free to accept, decline, or counteroffer! Most of all, I encourage you to make the very best of it.

A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Darren,

If I could go back in time and spend even just an hour with you, there are so many things I’d like to say. For starters I’ll let you in on a little secret—all those grown-ups around you are just people that are still growing up too. You parents, teachers, counselors, and even grandparents don’t know everything there is to know! Don’t ever think that just because someone is older, they have all the right answers— especially not the right answers for you. Some of them are going to struggle fi tting you into certain boxes that they’ve built. These boxes are supposed to help most kids, but they don’t always help everyone. They’re going to say that you’re not like the other kids, they’re going to separate you from the rest of them, and unfortunately these things will make you feel very lonely. People are going to say the things that make you different and special will forever prevent you from living a good life, but you’re going to prove them all wrong.

You are gifted in ways that most people can’t see, which means your childhood will be tougher than most other kids’. Darren, you’re going to have to work hard, but you can and will do hard things! Your parents are going to do their best to help you; however, they’re going to experience problems of their own. This is going to make things more challenging for you. Even if it seems like their love for each other has changed, remember that their love for you has not. I know this may be diffi cult to imagine right now, but when you’re a little older, you’re not going to love yourself much anymore. You’re going to be unkind to yourself, and I wish so badly that I could stop you from hurting yourself emotionally or physically. When you think things couldn’t possibly get any worse, they will. When you think you’ve hit rock bottom, you will fall even further. But I promise you that your pain is temporary and will not last forever.

I can’t tell you exactly why things happen the way they do; however, I can say that one day, when you’re older, you’re going to experience immense gratitude for all that you have overcome. You will transform, create, and give back in more ways than you can imagine. Your life is likely going to surprise you in amazing ways as well. All those moments when you felt sad, alone, lost, afraid, ashamed, and powerless will eventually make more sense to you one day, and, in a weird way, you’ll actually be grateful that they happened. Until then, I want you to know that I am your biggest fan in the entire world. I believe in you, I love you, and I can’t wait for you to do the same. And remember, just because you’re different does not mean you’re broken.

Chapter 1

"Service to others is the rent you pay to be here on earth."—Muhammad Ali

My experience has taught me that the secret to living is giving. The adversities I faced throughout childhood and adolescence set me back in many ways, and I’ve had to overcome a difficult learning process with regards to being of service to others. After deciding to turn my life around, my instinct was to focus entirely on myself, and I took an entry-level position making cold calls. Day after day my duties involved making over 400 daily calls; little did I know that I was getting paid to learn a skill that would serve me for the rest of my life. Despite being rejected over one hundred thousand times throughout a five-year period, I pushed on. This translates to a rejection rate of over ninety percent. The other ten percent expressed interest, but this did not mean that the deal was closed. There is no doubt I had the mindset of a go-getter, but self-interest was always at the forefront of my mind. This created a new set of problems. My motivation levels were at a record high, and yet I wasn’t seeing the results I was working toward. One rejection after another, I began to sense there was something seriously wrong with my approach to business. After about three months of spinning my wheels, I found myself behind in paying my phone bill once again.

I made a conscious effort to get honest feedback from customers, and I quickly discovered that my priorities were out of order. By focusing on myself and my own benefit, I was failing to build relationships with potential clients and customers. They could sense I was putting my needs before their own, which is why I kept struggling to close. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I was coming from lack and scarcity. I had a mindset of desperation, rather than one of abundance and prosperity. For years, people had convinced me that my learning disabilities would make it nearly impossible to read or retain information. This message was repeated to me so many times that it became an ingrained part of my self-image. It wasn’t until I was introduced to Dale Carnegie training in 1994 and Toastmasters in 1995 that I was in a position to challenge these beliefs. I was positive that the only way I could learn was through massive action and experience, so I began reading, networking, and being in conversation with a lot of people about the art of giving. It was time to refocus my energies.

The chains that I had dragged along for so many years finally began to loosen. With a shift in attitude away from myself, knowledge and understanding started flooding in. My own behavior started surprising me. Rather than focusing solely on self-promotion, I brainstormed different ways that I could simultaneously champion others. I thought about my local community and began asking small business owners such as hairdressers, massage therapists, and reflexologists for small gift certificates and discount coupons. After explaining how this would bring customers through business development and create a win for everyone involved, they were more than happy to grant my request. I’d bring a few of them with me wherever I went, looking for opportunities to surprise people with a certificate tucked inside a handwritten thank-you card. I sought out people in different environments such as fast-food restaurants and grocery stores who displayed exceptional service. These little gestures not only sparked conversations about me, which generated business opportunities, but they also supported hard-working members of our community who typically received less recognition than they deserved.

A friend named Leslie often supplied me with discount coupons and gift certificates for haircuts at her salon, Miracles Hair Design. One day a woman approached me and pulled me aside to thank me for one of these coupons. As a single mother, she had been postponing getting her hair cut because she had to choose between paying for her children’s school supplies for the upcoming year and getting her hair done. She couldn’t afford to do both. With a job interview approaching, she really wanted to put her best look forward. Thanks to the gift certificate, she no longer had to choose. To top it all off, she ended up having a lifeclarifying conversation with the stylist! Needless to say, I felt like a hero and honestly more successful than ever before.

By actively choosing to make service a top priority in my life, I’ve created nonlinear opportunities that appear in unusal or unforseen patterns and opened new doors for myself—often completely unintentionally. When new introductions are made, our first impressions are usually lasting ones. The reality is that we are either memorable or entirely forgettable. As someone who has been on both sides of the coin, I can honestly say that serving others has personally made me more memorable. Knocking on doors at the ripe age of seven taught me the importance of making a good impression. More importantly though, it taught me that when you go above and beyond the call of service, people will remember you. Every now and again someone will be so moved, touched, and inspired by interacting with you that they’ll want to share their experience with others. This is how I was able to promote myself at such a young age. It’s also precisely how I’ve been able to build my success in life.

The subject of service brings back countless lasting memories that continue to inspire and remind me never to lose sight of what serving others can bring to one’s life. Several years ago, I led an on-site corporate training and team-building seminar for an insurance company. Our team filled a fifteen-passenger van, and when lunchtime rolled around, we accidentally ended up ordering way too much food. After a little brainstorming, we decided to load up the team along with the leftovers and drive down to the inner-city Watts District in Los Angeles. Most of us had never previously interacted with people from the innercity areas. We were all out of our element; however, food is a great icebreaker. It wasn’t long before obvious tension turned into hugging and joy. This was in no way part of the corporate training program, and yet I was thrilled that our entire team had been part of this experience. For many, this was a first. It taught us all that some of the best acts of service can be entirely spontaneous.