Knowing Nora

Preface

Half A Heart

I’ll always have hope. I’ll always have hope. The words swirled around in my mind. Hope, always have hope.

I stared blankly at the white rose and felt nothing but hopelessness. The chatter around me faded into white noise, and my hand moved unconsciously over my weak stomach. Although my secret filled me up, I still felt empty inside. I didn’t regret keeping it, but I hated what it now meant that I was. Dishonest, alone. We would both be alone.

“Nora,” Jensen’s voice said, piercing through my daze. “Nora, we need to leave. Are you ready?”

I looked up at my little brother, and he was little – only thirteen years old, and blinked before dropping my gaze to my untouched toast.

“Nora,” Jensen repeated.

“Right, yes.” I nodded. “Sorry, Jay, I’m ready.”

Jensen glanced at my breakfast. “Bring it with you.”

“I will.”

He leant over to pick up my bag by my feet. “You’re only wearing one shoe.”

I looked down and frowned. “They don’t really fit anymore.”

“Is there another pair that does?”

I shook my head. “I’ll give it another go.”

Jensen lowered to his knee, pushing the black ballet-flat onto my foot. “Is that okay?”

“It’ll have to be.” I smiled. “Thanks, kid.”

“Come on. We’ll be late for school.”

School. It felt surreal that I still had to go, but what other option did I have? I was sixteen years old, and whatever other decisions I made in my life didn’t affect the social norms. It certainly affected social opinions and expectations, though. I slid off the kitchen stool and lowered to the floor. I sucked in a breath through my teeth as my ankles supported my weight.

“Are you okay?” Jensen asked. “Do you need me to lean on?”

I raised my head and managed a smile. “No, Jay, but thank you. Do I look okay?”

“You look perfect.” He grinned. “Really.”

I nodded. “Okay, let’s go to school then.”

The sky looked bright and dim at the same time – bright because the sun was shining, but somehow it was off. Maybe it knew that it shouldn’t be out today. Today was not a day for light. It was one of darkness. I felt cheated that it had even risen today at all, that the world continued to turn despite everything. It had no right to.

Chapter One

Only the Good Die Young

I sighed and repressed the yawn that threatened to escape me as I waited for my second class of the day to begin. I’d only been back at school for just over an hour, and I was already keen to go back to bed. Human biology first thing in the morning was too much for my brain to cope with, and I resented that I felt so tired because it meant I wasn’t giving it the attention it deserved.

“Nora, Nora,” Ainslie muttered, twirling her nearly waist-length dark brown hair around her finger. “Did you hear that Torrey totally hooked up with Kyle over the holidays? I guess someone’s not a virgin anymore.”

I lifted my eyebrows but otherwise didn’t reply. I wasn’t really concerned with gossip. Who was dating who wasn’t any of my business. Besides, as much as people treated school like one big opportunity to date or hook-up with as many people as possible, I was more concerned with learning as much as possible. I was two years away from graduating high school, and as an eleventh grader, I was set on cramming as much information into my brain as I could. When the time came next year to put in university preferences, I planned to be a shoo-in anywhere.

“Well hel–lo,” Ainslie sighed.

I looked up and then followed her stare to see a well-dressed guy walk into the classroom. His floppy, sandy blond hair stood out against the warm olive complexion of his skin and the dark grey shirt that he sported. He didn’t look much older than we were.

“Good morning, Year Elevens,” he said. “Sorry to keep you waiting. You would think that I would remember the way around this place after being a student here. My name is Mr Summers, and I’ll be your English Literature teacher this year.”

I glanced up at Ainslie, whose coffee-coloured eyes were bulging at him. Was he supposed to teach us? No way did he look anywhere near old enough to be a teacher. He looked more like he should still be a student here.

“That is affirmative,” Aaron Miller called.

“Affirmative.” Mr Summers laughed. “Thanks, comrade. What’s your name?”

“Mr Miller.”

“Mr Miller?” Mr Summers smirked, glancing down at his file. “Aaron, right?”

“That’s what they call me.” He nodded.

Aaron Miller was one of the most popular guys in our year. He was not only blessed with intelligence and decent looks but also could compete in any sporting event with ease. Aaron was a real winner of the genetic lottery.

“Well, far be it from me to deviate from the crowd,” Mr Summers replied. “Let’s see who else is here….”

“Oh my gosh, Nora, we struck gold. Carrie is going to flip that she picked regular English,” Ainslie whispered. “Mr S is a total hottie.”

I pressed my lips together. She was right, of course. Mr Summers was one mechanical fan away from looking like he was in the middle of a photoshoot. I only hoped that he was one of those unfairly intelligent, attractive people since English was my favourite subject. I’d happily pick a brilliant and unattractive teacher over the sun god standing before us.

“Nora Hadley?” he called.

Ainslie elbowed me.

“Here,” I said. “I’m here.”

“Nice to have you with us.” He smiled lopsidedly.

Ainslie elbowed me again.

“Quit it,” I breathed.

“Ainslie Halliwell?”

“Present!” Ainslie chimed from beside me. She raised her hand as she jolted forward in her desk.

Mr Summers smiled down at his file. “Eager. I like it.”

She sighed. “Me too.”

“Ainslie, stop,” I groaned.

“What?” She shrugged innocently.

I rolled my eyes.

“Excuse me, Mr Summers?” Ainslie called, raising her hand again.

“Ainslie.”

“Um, two things. What’s your first name and, like, how old are you?” she asked.

I groaned internally. I could almost see the year before me now – every day, another flirting opportunity for all the girls in this cozy class. Of the eleven people that filled the plethora of seats, eight were female.

“Is that relevant to literature?” he replied. His brow scrunched under his wave of blond hair.

“Yes,” she answered. “Because names identify us all, and age is wisdom.”

He leant back against his desk and folded his arms. “Names identify us? Wasn’t it Shakespeare who posed the question that there wasn’t much in a name?”

“You tell me, you’re the English teacher.” Ainslie shrugged.

“It was Shakespeare,” I mumbled. “Romeo and Juliet, Act Two, Scene Two.”

“Huh?” Ainslie huffed.

I glanced at her and then felt my cheeks burn. I wasn’t aware that I’d spoken the words aloud.

“That’s right, Miss Hadley,” Mr Summers acknowledged. “Happy to meet another Shakespeare nerd.”

“Nerd,” Kyle Young chortled.

I saw Aaron thump him in the side and frowned.

“It’s a compliment, Nora,” Mr Summers amended. “I’m impressed that you’re so familiar with the classics.”

Ainslie gave me another nudge, and I glared at her.

“In answer to Miss Halliwell’s questions though, let me tell you a bit about myself,” Mr Summers continued. He slid back to sit on the teacher’s desk behind him. “My name is William Summers. I was a student here at South Iris High, and I graduated five years ago.”

Ainslie beamed beside me. That age difference was nothing to her. Some of the other girls in our class had already boasted about scoring guys older than that.

“I may be younger than some, but let me assure you that I know my stuff,” he added. “I graduated at the top of my class at South Coast University and, like any nerd, am constantly reading and analysing just for the fun of it.”

Mr Summers shot me a lopsided smile, and it radiated with warmth. I glanced down at my page, cursing that I found myself melting. I didn’t want to feel compelled by him, but he was just so… charismatic. I took a deep breath and willed my brain to concentrate, but something told me that I wouldn’t be doing a lot of learning in Mr Summer’s English Literature class.

**

“Are you serious?” Carrie groaned. She threw her books into her locker from a distance. “Man, I got grouchy Ms Canterbury for English. I knew that I should have chosen Literature.”

“I don’t know. I kind of wish that I had just picked regular English.” I shrugged. I twisted the stem of my apple until it fell off. “Mr Summers is just too pretty to focus.”

Ainslie laughed. “I knew that you thought he was hot.”

“Of course he is. He’s practically a supreme being,” I groaned. “But he seems far too inexperienced to teach us what we need to know.”

“I don’t know. He looks like he has experience.” Ainslie shrugged and lifted her eyebrow suggestively.

I rolled my eyes. “I meant knowledge of the curriculum.”

“That’s what I meant.” Ainslie grinned. “Why? What did you think I meant?”

I shook my head and suppressed a smile.

“Well, he calls himself a nerd, like,” Ainslie huffed incredulously. “He’s a pretty hot nerd.”

Carrie ran a hand through her short light-brown bob. “I wish that I had that excuse for failing English. ‘Sorry, Mum, my teacher is too attractive’. It sounds much better than ‘I was too dumb to pass’.”

“You’re not dumb, Carrie,” I said. “You’re smarter than Ainslie.”

“Hey!” Ainslie squealed. “Ah, I guess that’s true.”

We all laughed.

“Oh, Carrie, Carrie,” Ainslie gasped. “Look, here he comes!”

I looked up as Mr Summers rounded the corner to walk down the passage towards us. The image hit me like a tumbling ball of water, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as he strode. He looked closer to a runway model than a nerdy literature teacher.

Carrie fell against her locker, slamming the door with her back as she gaped at him. Ainslie nudged her, and she snapped her mouth shut. Mr Summers looked over at us.

“Ladies.” He nodded.

“Hey, Mr S,” Ainslie crooned.

I felt myself blush. Ugh, pull yourself together, Nora.

He walked on, and we all stood in silence, watching him as he rounded the end of the corridor towards the staff room. When he’d disappeared, we all exchanged a silent look, still reeling from the guest appearance.

Carrie was the first to speak. “Wow.”

“Right?” Ainslie said.

“Wow.”

“Right!”

Carrie sighed. “Wow.”

“Okay, we get it. He’s gorgeous,” I exhaled.

“I wonder if it’s too late to transfer to Lit,” Carrie mumbled.

I wonder if it’s too late to transfer out of Lit.

Ainslie giggled. “Oh, speaking of Lit, guess what people are saying about Kyle Young and Torrey Lewis?”

“Oh, that they hooked up?” Carrie gushed.

And just like that, the subject of Mr Summer had passed as quickly as his figure.

It was strange to be back at school after the summer break. It’s always weird to see how people have changed and how friendships had changed. Carrie, Ainslie, and I had been hanging out since about Year Nine. We were kind of default friends after everyone else broke off into their own little groups, and we were the odd ones out. I loved them, though. They balanced each other out nicely.

Ainslie, reckless and outspoken, was the daughter of an accountant and a dentist. Her wardrobe consisted of clothing that was around two sizes too small, and although none of us was considered ‘popular’ in our year, she was hardly ever short of a date. She also had this insane and exceptional way of talking to people that was almost hypnotising. She had a talent for getting them to talk about things that they didn’t want to talk about but did so with a kind of glow. Carrie, on the other hand, was meek, sometimes insecure, but was also entirely and understatedly beautiful. Her father worked a trade, and her mother was a retail assistant in a hardware store. She had an older brother, Kellen, and although the family struggled financially sometimes, they would honestly give you the shirt off their back if the need arose. I loved the Brown family. Sometimes I envied the way they were with each other. Not that my family was bad, it was just different.

Where her parents left her to make her own decisions about school and her social life, mine were a little less liberal. My parents worked hard, and sometimes that meant that it was up to me to look after my younger brother, Jensen. It didn’t bother me, though. We were a team. My brother was one of the kindest and gentlest souls in existence, with eyes that changed from light green to light blue as if a mood-stone of the sky. For Jensen and me, school was priority one, and dating was out until graduation. I was too afraid to ask whether they meant high school or university, so I just lived in the hope that my sentence was up in two years. Defying them was not an option and even speaking out of term meant a grounding that wasn’t even worth it. Computers and televisions were kept to a minimum, so I spent a lot of my time reading and the rest of it keeping myself in check.

My father was quite religious and happened to be the head of religion at South Iris High School. As a result, my reputation preceded me, which was the main reason why I was one of the last to be selected in any friendship circles. I sometimes wondered why Ainslie and Carrie had ended up with me but hated to think of the alternative. I couldn’t think of any better friends that I could have.

“Hey, Nora,” Aaron said at the beginning of my maths class after recess. “Can I sit with you?”

I glanced around the near-empty classroom and then shrugged as he slid his books on the seat beside me.

“So, um, how was your summer?” he asked. “I was expecting to hear from you, but I never did.”

I tucked a loose light brown curl behind my ear. “I was busy, sorry.”

“For two and a half months? Ouch.”

“You know that I’m not allowed to date, Aaron,” I murmured. “You know what my parents are like.”

He looked down. “We still could’ve hung out, like in a group or something. I’ve missed you.”

I sighed. It was hard enough having strict parents and a guy that showed an interest in me without the pressure of him trying to find loopholes in their well-intended rules. Besides, I still wasn’t sure how I felt about Aaron. Sometimes the way he looked at me made me feel uncomfortable.

“Did you miss me?” he asked quietly.

I still found it incredulous that such a confident guy seemed to grow so shy around me. It made no sense that he even bothered with me, and it was a sentiment that most of our year group agreed with. Most of the people in Aaron’s circle of friends openly stared when he spoke to me.

“Hey, Aaron,” Kyle Young called from the back of the class. Kyle was arguably the most popular guy in our year and was Aaron’s closest friend.

Aaron glanced over his shoulder and waved him off.

I exhaled. “You can sit with him. I’m more than happy to sit by myself.”

“I don’t want to sit with him,” he replied. “Unless you want me to go?”

I breathed a laugh into my chest. “It’s not about what I want, so just suit yourself.”

“Nora.”

“Yes?”

He didn’t reply, so I glanced over at him. His dark brown puppy-dog eyes were peering at me. It was one of those times that I felt uncomfortable to be captured in his gaze. At least the fact that my parents didn’t let me date meant I could avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. I did not want to be the girl who turned down Aaron Miller. I spun my promise ring around my right ring finger.

“I want to sit with you,” he answered.

“Okay.” I nodded. “Like I said, suit yourself.”

He smiled. “You are impossible.”

Kyle’s loud laugh bellowed from the back of the class, and the little crowd around him joined in. I turned to make sure that the laughing wasn’t directed at me. Call it paranoia, but it was there. The in-crowd may be obnoxious but were generally harmless unless you crossed them. I relaxed some when I saw that they were talking amongst themselves and then wanted to hide when I noticed that, while Kyle and his followers weren’t looking, the rest of the class that had arrived were staring.

I exhaled. “What do you want me to say, Aaron? Look around you. You’re breaking the status quo by even talking to me.”

“Who cares about everyone else?” He shrugged. “I don’t care what they say.”

“Because they don’t say it to you,” I said. “They say it about me, behind my back, and to my face for that matter.”

“You never struck me as the kind of girl who let others tell you who you can talk to,” he replied. “Or would you prefer that I went at sat with Youngy?”

“Right-o, Year Elevens, let’s all take our seats,” Mr Godfrey mumbled as he strode into the class.

Aaron raised an eyebrow at me, and I shook my head. He got comfortable in his seat, and the murmurs around us were snuffed.