ON TRAUMA
I didn't know
Life could be good
I always assumed that I deserved
The pain I got
Karma paying her dues
To a child
Broken by shapeshifting demons
Who threatened
Maimed
Assaulted her
Under the guise
Of love
But I've learned
Real love exists
And I am worthy
First grade
In the playground
We made a pact to tell
Tell them to stop
Tell our parents
She was slapped across the face
Called a liar
Her grandfather would never do that
This is how to they break us
Deny a truth
Because believing would wreck your world
I told him to stop
Who would believe a lying little bitch
I'll kill you before you speak
No one will believe you
No one
He went after my sister
I hugged her tight
Begged her to go away
Find protection in front of the TV
Back on the playground
We shared tears in one another's arms
Forced to grow up
Way too young for our realities
Numb is an ointment
Spread over a wound
That won't heal on its own
It screams out in agony
When reminded of the trauma
Not yet ready to cut it out of me
I reach for the numbing agent
Apply liberally
The mask goes down again
No more secrets
Out of me they come
No more lies covering you
I'm done feeling numb
You said you'd kill me
But here I stand
Breathing
Pulse beating
Hands in the air
I will not be undone by you
Or your lies
I am a survivor
Someday you'll be the one who dies
Diseased
With thoughts
Sick
To my soul
Lost
In the darkness
There are some places
I will never feel safe
For I fear he's around
Those corners still
Insomnia is apart of me
Brain travels to the unpleasant
Without permission
A locked box inside my head
Jack pops out
The demons back again
Eyes awake
Focused on anything else
Eyes closed
I release control to part of me
That is unkind to me
It's been labeled
PTSD
It makes brain cycle to
What was
And shouldn't be
When body wants to sleep
I can't make it go away
So drug it away
Please
Maybe there's an exorcism
We can do to remove you
From my mind
So I may enjoy it once again
Generational pain
Is perhaps the hardest
To forget
I try
But the reminders are everywhere
