Victoria Liiv

If you understand that I feel the same

Come closer and we can heal the pain

Your love has left me unhinged, insane

I'll never win in this endless game.

Chapter 1

ISAY

I DIDN’T FIT IN. THE WHOLE VENUE FILLED WITH DARK THREATENING shapes eager to get at me. I knew they were, even as my mother reassured me they wouldn’t touch me.

During the ceremony everyone’s attention had been on her and Grath, tension high in the air as she tied her life force to their king. I swear, the whole audience let out a uniform breath when the ritual was complete and there was no way back. Not that my mother wanted a way out, she was perfectly happy here, among the fae of death and the love of her life. I, on the other hand, did not belong here.

Wearing red, the only bright colour in the room as all the fae were dark as death themselves and my mother a pure white light, their salvation, I stood out like a beacon of interest to anyone with eyes. Hungry stares followed me, mouths salivating. Even as my mother’s dedication to Grath ensured they would never go hungry again, I knew they all wanted a taste of my life force, for death faeries feasted on creatures such as myself.

I’d seen death fae before, but never so many in one place. And even as Mom started her relationship with Grath a year ago, I’d always been wary of them, always kept my distance. This venue was big, but it was not big enough to avoid every single one of them.

I raked my eyes over the crowd to find a safe place to sit and wait for the evening to end. It had to end eventually, right? Weddings weren’t endless affairs, as even death had to sleep. And I was sure the happy couple wanted to do more than sleep tonight after the festivities.

Right in the middle of the open air venue was the table for my mother, her husband, and the king’s closest council. From my mother’s side there was nobody else attending except for me. We were disowned by our own court the moment she announced her decision to marry the King of Death fairies. Besides, it wasn’t safe for them to get this close to death fae. Again, me being the exception. I was under the protection of the king even before he married my mother. Taking my life force was a death sentence to the one who tried. Did I trust the fae to stay away even after I had their king’s word on it? Hell no.

Two tables away, edged at the dance floor that no one took advantage of just yet, sat my new stepbrother and his troop of warriors. With his hair black as night cropped short, the sharp tipped ears were clearly visible. His jaw was almost as sharp as his ears, similarly to his father, but unlike his father, he didn’t have a beard. Not even a stubble. His grey eyed stare? Also sharp. Everything about him screamed ‘danger, run!’ Did I heed to the clear warning. No, that would have meant I had any sense in me. Not even the fact that his warriors were just as intimidating stopped me in my tracks.

I didn’t know anyone else in the room. I’d seen them around a couple of times, though, and survived the encounters. Sitting with the prince might keep any unwanted attention away, which was the only reason I walked straight to their table. All the chairs were taken, and I likely looked more confident than I felt when I pulled a free chair from under a neighbouring table and dragged it next to prince Hiko’s before I sat down like there was no place else I’d rather be.

Five sets of eyes burned through me the moment my butt touched the wood, and my heart practically jumped right out of my chest. Nobody really stared at you the way a hungry death fae did. Like you were water in the desert. Like you were air itself, pure, intoxicating oxygen.

Out of all the warriors trailing the prince, Karmuth’s stare pierced the most. His intense blue eyes weren’t the only thing making him stand out in the group. In a court of black haired fae, his umber hair stood out as much as my red dress did. Nobody else found it startling to see a death fairy so unlike the rest of them. He was a death fairy, though, of that I was certain. He didn’t only look at me as if I was a potential sustenance to his thirst craved-existence. His stare promised he’d enjoy every second of drinking me dry, then live on happily ever after. It also made my heart race. Out of fear, I told myself. It had to be out of fear.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Prince Hiko’s gravelly voice pulled me out of the deep blue pool of Karmuth’s eyes, and I almost jumped, realising I was still sitting at their table.

I hadn’t thought farther than this, but showing weakness was never a good idea around predators.

“Here for the company.” I shrugged, pulling an untouched glass of champagne over and taking a sip. It burned down my throat like lava. I coughed at the unexpected flavour, attempting to play it cool but failing miserably. Most definitely not champagne.

One of the warriors laughed, and Karmuth’s lips twitched, as if he found me interesting enough to play with before feasting on me.

My dear stepbrother narrowed his eyes at me. “We’re not interested in babysitting. Scatter off, Princess.”

Princess sounded like a first-degree insult on his lips. I didn’t care for the distaste in his face, either. I didn’t decide to call myself that. Didn’t ask for it, either. It wasn’t my fault we were stuck together in this endless party.

“You most certainly do not need to babysit me,” I spat. “Besides, I wasn’t even talking about your company. There are other people around this table.”

The moment those words left my mouth, I wished I could take them back. I’d insulted the prince whilst insinuating interest in one or more of his warriors. I wasn’t interested in the slightest. They could put their dark, muscled asses where the sun doesn’t shine. I bet they already did.

I took another sip of the putrid liquid in my glass that tasted even less like champagne and more like pure fire, making a face. “Why don’t you introduce me to your friends, brother?”

I tried to say ‘brother’ the way he’d said ‘princess’, but my voice didn’t go to such lengths and sang it out like it was the prettiest word ever invented. Hiko scowled either way. Calling him my brother was likely the worst insult he could imagine. Wouldn’t want to be a brother to the likes of me, now would he? Too bad you couldn’t choose your family. I didn’t have a choice in the matter either. Was I bitter about it? Sure. Did I blame him for it? Not in the slightest. It wasn’t up to us that our parents had decided to tie the knot. Not up to me Mother turned to the dark side, and not up to Hiko that his new stepsister smelled like a bright summer day, suffocating the death out of him.

“You’ve met them before,” Hiko replied curtly. His disinterest ran deep into his cold, hard heart.

I tutted, “Pretend like I wasn’t paying attention earlier. Better yet, pretend I’ve got no memory of our previous encounter. I’d like to think you stepped out of the bed on the wrong side last time I saw you and you’re not always an idiot.”

Shit. Take it back. Can I take it back? No, not really. Just brilliant. That wasn’t what I had in mind pretending to be confident. Most definitely not.

Laughter filled the table, but it wasn’t Hiko who was amused by my boldness.

“Regar,” a big man to the left of Karmuth said, holding out a hand as if to shake mine. I stared at the gesture like he was handing me a poisonous snake and expecting me to grab onto it. Not happening.

“See, I did not remember that.” I ignored Regar’s outstretched hand. He raised his eyebrow in challenge nonetheless, thinking I was stupid enough to fall for it. Eventually, it was Karmuth who shoved his hand away, and it fell on the lacy tablecloth.

“That’s Kar.” Regar pointed at Karmuth, the only one whose name I did remember, despite not caring to and not because I was dumbstruck the first time I saw him. Karmuth responded with what I now now assumed to be his signature stare but let Regar continue with the introductions. “Sinister and Ferro.”

“Seriously?” I stared at the two other fae, one who was sitting closer to me than I now felt comfortable with. “I feel like I should’ve remembered those.”

All of them wore dark affairs ranging from navy to burgundy. While Karmuth had umber brown hair framing his face in careless curls, the rest of them had hair as black as black could get. Although Sinister kept his head fully shaved altogether, his facial hair more than made up for it. They studied me with the same curiosity, but I wasn’t sure they liked what they saw any more than I did.

They were strongly built and all, but their presence oozed malevolence and their interest made me uneasy. Why was I here again?

To be insulted, it seemed.

“We can’t all be blessed with flawless memory,” Hiko snipped with a roll of his eyes. He really didn’t like me.

I supposed I started it. Now we were in an all-out insult war. As long as nobody touched my life force, it was a safe game to play, although not incredibly friendly.

Maybe the death fae couldn’t communicate in a cordial manner. Ever since I arrived here a week ago, all I’d had were dreadful encounters. Grath seemed like the perfect gentleman, though. At times it felt like he was trying to make up for everyone else’s maliciousness. As their king, he was held responsible for their actions. But a single person couldn’t possibly make up for all of that hate.

No matter how hard he tried, it was already starting to rub off on me. While nobody had touched my life force directly, the attitude I was received with was killing a different side of me.

“You’re right,” I muttered, not mastering a witty retort of my own. I should’ve probably left for my quarters the moment the wedding ceremony ended. I’d made my appearance, supported Mother’s quest for happiness that ruined my own existence, and suffered through the two-hour long ritual to bind her soul to Grath’s—a reassurance that no matter what happened between them, her life force was sacred and untouchable to all fae in the court including the king himself.

There was nothing more I needed to do. Dinner party, dancing, socialising — those were things of the past I would never participate in with the same eagerness as back home.

I’d tried, I’d failed. Time to go.

Chapter 2

KARMUTH

INTOXICATING DIDN’T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THE SCENT OF sunshine and forest flowers that followed Isay to our table. I saw the effect it had on the group, even as most of them tried to hide it.

Sinister shut his mug the moment it was clear she would actually join us. I’m almost positive he barely even breathed to avoid the temptation. Ferro choked, and I felt the vibrations of his foot tapping away to a rhythm that did not in any facet match the background music reverberating through the table, while Hiko turned into a green gremlin if I’d ever heard one speak. It was unlike him to be outright mean, not to women in our court, not even to the women he feasted on outside the court.

The only one keeping any resemblance of cool was Regar, but he never did seem to struggle with control. His little joke to touch Isay was out of bounds but certainly in character.

It bothered me, nonetheless. Irked me to no end, in fact. We weren’t allowed to touch her. Those were the rules.

I didn’t feed every single time I touched a mortal, but chances were their life force would trickle through whether I wanted it to or not. A handshake could steal a year or two, a hug—not that I went around hugging people—ten years, a kiss…

That’s where my brain had to stop, because there was no way I’d even consider the possibility of kissing someone vulnerable to my unearthly curse. To have someone fade away in my arms with a brush of my lips. Some fae found it thrilling, Sinister being one of those psychos. I wished he’d move away from the girl staring daggers at the prince. He might’ve looked like he had a stick up his ass due to her proximity, but he was a snake in disguise, and I’d hate for him to get executed because he couldn’t control his urges.

While Isay wasn’t a mere mortal and a simple touch wouldn’t outright kill her, we’d be in hell of a lot of trouble if it came out that we’d even considered the possibility of getting a taste of her.

I bet all of us were considering it, but how could we not?

“This was fun,” Isay finally said, getting to her feet. For a short heartbeat, she studied the glass still gripped in her hand, then dipped it like a pro before placing it back on the table. “Remind me to never do this again, will you?”

Shit, she was leaving. It was for the best she’d go, but I didn’t want her to think we were complete assholes. I should’ve kept my tongue between my teeth; I hadn’t uttered a word to her since she made her appearance in the court about a week ago. I should’ve kept up the habit, because what came out of my lips was not something I should’ve even considered.

“Why don’t you dance with me before you go?” I was on my feet before I registered standing.

I swear the whole table looked at me like I’d lost my mind. Perhaps I had. Perhaps I’d left it behind in her forest-green eyes earlier. Her fresh perfume was maddening by itself, but her simple beauty could bring a warrior to his knees.

I willed myself to believe I wasn’t going to beg.

“You’re kidding, right?” Isay’s words sang through the air a little slurred, wide-eyed from my question and flustered from the alcohol.

Shrugging it off as a joke would have likely been better than my dumbstruck staring. Nobody besides her would have believed it, however. This was Regar’s approach, not mine. I didn’t have an approach.

Besides, this was the king’s stepdaughter. Even without the no-touching rule, I wouldn’t stand a chance. Such privileges were bartered to make alliances. Being the summoners of death, we had plenty of enemies. No, my intentions were to make her feel at least slightly welcome in the court after the complete fuck-up of her first day.

None of us knew what she was going through being a beacon of life in a starved fae court. Alone. The beacon of life part wasn’t helping her case, not in here anyway.

“As a tribute to your mother. You folk like to dance, don’t you?” is what left my cursed lips instead.

Her lips curled into a sneer. “I doubt you folk even know how to dance.”

“You’re right, the only thing my folk does is lure pretty innocent girls to dark alleys to drain them dry and discard afterwards. That’s what you believe, is it not?” There was bitterness in my tone, but I refused to believe I was disappointed by her refusal. I couldn’t be. I hadn’t been serious in the first place… right?

I needed to stop staring at her like she was the only person in this wedding, but her red dress made it hard to look away. Her pale complexion and golden-brown hair was out of place in a sea of darker shades.

My own hair, dark brown as it was, could likely match closest to hers out of everyone in the court, something Regar pointed out the day we saw her dragging her luggage up the grand staircase of the main palace. His idea was that my mother must’ve belonged to the light side, even as absurd as that idea may have been. We’d agreed not to talk about it, but he couldn’t help but bring it up when King Grath brought Siya around, and then her daughter.

I wanted to believe there were other brown-haired death fae out there before I came around. We just hadn’t met them… yet. It didn’t help that my mother was AWOL, and nobody knew who my father was.

One day, a babe was dropped off at the reserve’s doorstep without so much as a note. Success. What a surprise it turned out to be when that child needed to feed on life. I was the last child born in decades for our court. Fae had trouble conceiving and unexpected pregnancies were non-existent, which left my existence with a big question mark. Not a problem to solve right now, if ever.

My current problem was getting my ass back on my seat and pretending I hadn’t gotten up in the first place. My knees refused to bend. So instead, I stood there like the perfect idiot as Isay took a step away from our table, unsteady from Void Sundance.

Time slowed down as her high-heeled feet searched for solid ground in the grassy courtyard but inevitably sank into the soft surface. Void Sundance, being stronger than Isay expected had gone to her head faster than any of us thought to warn her about, and for a moment she appeared puzzled. Only until she lost her balance completely trying to pull her feet free and went tumbling to her hands and knees.

I could’ve caught her and saved her from ripping her pretty dress open when it got caught in the fall, but I wasn’t allowed to touch her. Rules were rules, and we were out in the open for the entire court to see...