Alexandra Volkov

My family and I immigrated to Canada when I was very young, and while the experience was daunting, I always found solace in books. I hope to one day write a story that can bring others joy when they need it most.

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Award Category
Young Writer Award 2023
This submission is private and only visible to judges.

Comments

Kenny MacKay Sun, 30/07/2023 - 18:50

The opening scene of the protagonist in a life-threatening situation creates a gripping start to the story and immediately captures the reader's attention.

Jordan Kantey Tue, 01/08/2023 - 15:57

I loved the opening of 'How spiteful cold can be.' This struck good, concise tone, and an immediate sense of setting that the reference to almost drowning in the dark extended.

There were some language issues to look out for, e.g. SPAG in to take a 'peak' (should be 'peek') and some modifier issues. For example, 'Perched on the sturdy branch of what had to be a hundred-year-old maple tree, the woods were laid...'

This reads that the woods are perched on a branch. It would make it clearer to put the subject right after the first clause ('Perched [...], Riley ...'). Sentences are fairly long and complex, so remember to switch it up with shorter ones too.

The switch from first person to third from prologue to main narrative was a little confusing, as it seemed to be the same viewpoint character in focus (Riley). It would maybe be more typical/expected to go from a more distant/detached POV (third) to a closer one (first) in the transition from prologue to main narrative.

These suggestions aside, good evocation and sense of Riley's emotion.