Bailey Garrison

Great set up for the story in this first chapter and great character voice! I'd love a hint of any drama or action to come to keep me hooked as a reader. But overall very strong writing!

Hello, B Garrison!

Thank you for sharing your excerpt with us. I was interested as soon as I read this is a Helen of Troy retelling, and I’m curious to see how the beloved story will unfold in a contemporary setting. Micah’s voice jumped off the page, and I can already tell I’d enjoy spending a novel with him.

In terms of revision, you may consider cutting Josh’s recollection of how he met Helen, as it did slow the pace for me and came across as a delivery of backstory rather than an organic sharing of information. The end of this sample—with Micah leaving for school—didn’t necessarily grip my attention, but I would still be interested to read on and discover what happens next.

Thank you again, and best of luck in the judging!

The writing style is engaging and flows well. The use of imagery and descriptive language paints vivid pictures in the reader's mind.

The use of Trojan myth as an intertext was very interesting - a fun reference to Plato and his issue with poetry/art being a copy of the pure/ideal (in the part about the art teacher). Engaging scene-setting in introducing Everett, Illinois.

Remember to proofread carefully before submitting ('And if I hadn’t known [it] before...'). That aside, strong style and the narrative flows well. There were good references to Helen's face, seeing as it's the face that 'launched a thousand ships' (such as when she comes into the store). It was engaging how this was delivered as a romantic 'how we met' story within the story.