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Logline or Premise
A brother and sister discover that one of their parents is a serial killer. They team up with their other parent to bring the murderer to justice in this comedy/horror mash-up.
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Comments
Instead of helping to…
Instead of helping to consolidate the set-up in the mind of the reader, too much 'incidental' dialogue between the kids is more of a distraction than a revelation of either character or the direction of the storyline. Another edit needed to hook the reader in and keep them engaged.