Screenplay Type
Genre
Logline or Premise
When a down-on-his-luck graphic designer investigates the mysterious disappearance of a woman he meets haphazardly, his search brings him to a secret underground tunnel and to an alternate Los Angeles called Two Cities, a world resembling Los Angeles’ past more than its present.
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Comments
The action is very slow to…
The action is very slow to pick up, primarily due to the amount of dialogue in the bar at the start. The reader's interest is piqued by the mysterious woman and when Tyler leaves the bar to follow her. It feels as though the ten page excerpt could be condensed into 5 pages of script or 5 minutes screen time. Although the inciting incident could be his decision to follow her, I suggest the script would need to show us a bit more by Page Ten.
A great premise that I would…
A great premise that I would love to adapt into a screenplay. There is lots of stuff that would have to be cut, but that is normal for this kind of book.