Diary of a Rock Chick Mum

Diary of a Rock Chick Mum

Pregnant and on tour….

Dear Readers,

Hello! Allow me to introduce myself…

My name is Lisa Rollin, I am a mummy and a professional electric violinist and this is my diary.

Every mother and baby story starts with a pregnancy… and mine was during a very unusual set of circumstances…

June 2005: My all-consuming freelance music career was flying and I was boosting my income by also working as a fitness instructor. Dashing around the country performing at various corporate events and private parties, performing on a multitude of T.V shows as a backing violinist for all the famous bands of the day; then getting up at six o’clock the following morning to teach two high impact aerobics classes, week after week, had left me understandably feeling run down and exhausted.

Demotivated after trying for a baby for the last nine months with zero success, plus managing my career; I was yearning for some revitalization. My husband Anthony, (when not in the office, playing his keyboard or tackling a new DIY project around our recently purchased south west London home), was very being very supportive and for this I was most grateful.

He said to me, “Call Jane, she’s always up for a yoga holiday… Why not see if she’s free?”

Imagine my delight Dear Readers, when Jane was indeed free. She called me up… “Lisa darling, I’ve just booked us at a yoga retreat on the beautiful but stark island of La Gomera in the Canaries!”

Thrilled and feeling like my prayers had been answered, I thanked her profusely.

Just before I was due to fly, a British music agent, Susannah called me: “Lisa, are you free to play for a UK and European Tour with the band “Simply Red?” “Absolutely!” I replied!

“Could you also recommend another female violinist?” she asked. Rehearsals were due to start in August in London; with the tour finishing at Christmas.

“Of course,”, I said “Who else, but my violin duo partner, Jemima?”

July 4th 2005- One morning on the beach in La Gomera, luxuriating in the hot sunshine post yoga class, my mobile phone rang.

In a blissful state of relaxation, enjoying the beautiful views and gentle lapping of the waves on the shore, the ringing of my mobile was a horrid intrusion of the modern world. I felt ashamed that I’d taken it with me to the beach…It was Susannah, the agent, “Darling, we are confirming you for the “Simply Red” tour; Isn’t that wonderful?” “YEEESS!” I screamed out loud at the news …. I had 5 months of solid work!

This was a huge deal for me as a self-employed freelance musician, to have such a significant amount of work. The life of a freelancer is very perilous indeed, both financially and emotionally…

The other people on the beach from my yoga class, were also jumping up and down with joy when I told them my news… My happiness was infectious! Susannah also confirmed that my duo partner Jemima had been offered the tour, meaning she wouldn’t miss out on work whist I was away! It also meant I already had a friend on the tour. (How wrong I was, but we’ll come to that much later…)

I phoned my husband Anthony shortly afterwards to tell him the fantastic news. He was over the moon for me, and actually pretty cool with the fact I’d be away from him so much. But at least with it being UK and Europe, there were no long-haul flights. I was feeling jubilant!

The rest of the yoga holiday passed quickly except that I started to feel absolutely starved of protein. We were eating a totally vegetarian diet, when one morning, I just couldn’t take it a moment longer and I decided to lift my head above the parapet with the catering manager (a militant vegan called Natasha). “Good morning Natasha, I just wondered if we could possibly have a few more eggs and avocados at breakfast please?” I begged her…

Needless to say, she glowered at me and I felt exactly like Oliver Twist: “Please sir, may I have some more...?” I did however succeed in getting more supplies. I have to say, the men in the group were particularly grateful…A small win!

One night, there was actually a break-out group, (of which I was one) who headed into the tiny local village, some distance away on foot, so we could all feast on locally caught fish and wine. Neither being on offer on our “spiritually clean Yoga” retreat!

Dear Readers, of course you can imagine just how delicious fresh fish and chilled white wine taste after you’ve done hundreds of “downward facing dog” poses and been swimming for days on end! Divine!

On the final morning of the holiday, I remember distinctly that my loose-fitting white cotton skirt that I’d arrived in, was now quite tight on the waist.

I distinctly remember thinking this was rather odd, since I’d literally been living on raw vegetables and boiled eggs for 10 days!

I also got terribly sea sick on the ferry on the way back to Tenerife, which made me a very sorry for myself traveller…

When I arrived home, after much hugging and kissing, Anthony and I sat down and calculated my earnings for the next five months. It was enough to extend the kitchen of our modest London home and was something we had talked about doing for a long time. Emboldened by my contract for the tour arriving the next day in the post; I booked our builders to start asap, paid the substantial deposit and signed the contract with them.

I remember my first day of rehearsals for the tour. It was August 4th 2005 in London and the weather was really bright and sunny. London felt light and happy and so did I. At Waterloo station, I bought myself a coffee from my favourite coffee stand; but after taking one sip and being disgusted with the taste, I threw it away. This for me, was unheard of; unless of course it was bad coffee!

Dear Readers, let me explain what an ardent lover of coffee I am and why my own reaction took me by surprise. As you know, life is really too short to drink bad coffee, but this coffee was from my favourite stall… I couldn’t understand it!

Arriving at rehearsals, my desk partner (strings are always seated in pairs in a section and these are called desks), was a lovely tall blond girl, Elizabeth.

Getting our instruments out of our cases later that day, Elizabeth noticed the photograph of my Wedding day taken in front of the church. “I recognise that church…” she said.

“That’s impossible,” I replied. “It’s in a tiny village in Derbyshire and you couldn’t possibly know it!” “But I DO know it...!” She was vehement. Elizabeth then proceeded to name the Church and village, and told me that’s where she was born! We became firm friends after that and even roommates, as all twelve female string players had to share twin rooms on the tour.

In the afternoon, I tried to drink another cup of coffee but also found it revolting.

This was very odd indeed…

When I arrived home later that day, I felt very moody, quite untypical for me. That night I had a dawning realisation of what might be the reason for my moodiness… To be brutally honest, I was desperate to be pregnant, and after trying unsuccessfully for 10 months for a baby; it felt like false hope, all in my imagination. I even had a massive argument with Anthony, as I was feeling so stressed weighing up all the different reasons why I was feeling like this…

Maybe my period was just a little late and it was just making me feel irritable and out of sorts…? Maybe I was feeling stressed with the peer pressure of the other players, never wanting to put a foot out of place or heaven forbid, play a wrong note?

However, if I was pregnant, apart from being delighted, I was hugely worried about going on tour in twelve different countries, looking good in a tight fitting black dress…and what would happen if I needed medical treatment somewhere remote? How would I make my ante-natal appointments in London? What about the huge deposit we’d paid to our London builders and the contract we had signed with them…? What would happen if I broke my tour contract with the music agent? I’d never work again… The music business is very fickle and it is all about your last gig.

But Dear Readers, the most worrying part of all for me, was that unlike the corporate world, I would have to keep it a secret for fear of being sacked.

You may have read that last sentence and not quite registered what I have said…?

Yes, in the music business in August 2005, I was terrified of being sacked because I was pregnant; and hence would have to go on tour in the UK and around Europe, share a room with another woman AND keep it a secret.

I’d committed to the building work remember for our house, and we desperately needed that money.

The following morning, Anthony made some excuse about going into work late, and I duly (and secretly) did a pregnancy test; it was a definitive yes!

I put it in a white envelope, wrote “Open Me” on it and gave it to Anthony who was still in bed. He opened it and was genuinely delighted….

We were going to have a baby and we had now been married for 10 months!

Then it hit me; I realised the enormity of what I was about to undertake both emotionally and physically….

The rehearsals continued in London, and I always made excuses not to go for a drink afterwards. Finally, after a few weeks, we loaded up the tour buses at Hammersmith Apollo, put all our instruments on board, said goodbye to our loved ones and set off in September 2005 on tour. The concerts in the UK and Europe were amazing. Often in 12,000 seater stadiums, proper roar of the crowd stuff… Really enjoyable, but always a relentless schedule.

Many concerts later; we were now in October in a cold a chilly Europe.

We had a night off in a beautiful German town, and walking past the Opera house earlier in the day, I turned to my roommate Elizabeth, “I know. Let’s go to the Opera tonight?” Her face lit up in a huge smile. “I’d love too!” she replied. Hence, we duly went to the box office and bought tickets.

I remember the night air was really crisp and we totally glammed up in our faux fur jackets and red lippy.… I also remember having to fake a lower back injury on the walk back to the hotel, as by now, the relaxin (pregnancy hormone) was really kicking in and making my joints hyper mobile and very painful…Elizabeth still had no idea I was pregnant! She just helped me walk back to our Hotel, by offering me her arm.

Shortly after that evening, somewhere in Dusseldorf, I finally cracked and phoned Anthony in floods of tears… “Darling.” I sobbed, “I feel I absolutely can’t keep this a secret any longer from the rest of the band and the tour managers…. It’s overwhelming.”

Trying to sleep upstairs on a double decker bus, in a tiny bunk, whilst being increasingly pregnant, then having to continually getting up in the night to use the loo was becoming really difficult. The tour bus often throwing you around the bends in the roads. It was also often quite dangerous.... Also, the tour regime was punishing, even for all the non-pregnant members of the band.

Basically, you’d wake up every day in a different hotel. You’d have an afternoon sound check at the venue, then an early dinner and then perform the show.

After the show, you’d then change out of your gig clothes, pack up your instruments, and get onto the tour bus. Which would then travel for several hours through the night to your next location, where you’d arrive at your new hotel at sometimes 3am/4am or 5am and you would have to get off the bus, check in to your room and do the same routine all over again.

How many pregnant women do you know who have to endure that kind of schedule…?

Anthony tried to reassure me: “Honey, you are strong, you can do this!”

I really didn’t feel confident I could keep up the charade a moment longer.

One morning I’d been in the hotel pool with some of the other girls and they’d asked me to go into the steam room with them, which of course I had to decline. They all looked at me quite oddly as they knew I was a real fitness bunny and part-time fitness instructor.

I wasn’t really showing, … But my belly was getting noticeably rounder for someone who normally had a completely flat stomach. Suddenly, one of the girls piped up: “Come on Lisa, teach us a class in that empty studio...!” What could I do…? I had to say yes. Tying my pink track suit top around my waist, I duly went into the studio and taught the class to them all. Subtly avoiding all the sit up exercises and just shouting at them instead. The class was a success and it seemed to distract from my excuses for not going in the steam room.

There was also the rather large issue of why I wasn’t drinking alcohol after the gigs…

I became quite adept at nursing a glass of champagne all night, but not actually drinking it, (then having a glass of water stashed somewhere else nearby.)

Eventually by the beginning of November 2005, my stage outfit couldn’t contain my swelling belly any longer and it was with great trepidation I went to see the assistant tour manger, Sally, to tell her the news. I engineered to speak to her in a quiet corner, (difficult with so many crew and band members buzzing around.) With my heart in my mouth, I said: “Sally I've got something very important to tell you.. “She looked at me quizzically. “I’m pregnant.” “Oh blimey” was her response, quickly followed by the inevitable “Congratulations! But now we have the unenviable job of telling the main tour manager…John.”

I remember feeling like I was being marched to the Headmasters office… My heart was beating very rapidly. (I was never actually sent to the Headmasters office, but I could imagine what it would have felt like!)

John listened to my announcement with such a stern face that I thought I would faint….

There was a couple of seconds of complete silence and then his weathered face cracked into a huge smile. He gave my shoulders a paternal squeeze. “Congratulations love!” he boomed.

Gosh, I hadn’t been fired…. I could do this! I could live this crazy insane touring life, pay the builders, perform and carry a healthy baby to term… Yes, I could!

I do remember the following evening, we were in Austria and the whole band was out in a restaurant, (a rare night off.)

Suddenly bottles of pink champagne and glasses were being distributed around the room much to everyone’s surprise. Then the female assistant tour manger, Sally, stood up and asked for silence in order to make an announcement… She then asked me to stand up, everyone was staring at me intently. Sally spoke in a very loud voice above the din of the noisy restaurant. “Everyone, listen up. We have a Mummy in the room…..Lisa is pregnant!”

There was much clapping and cheering… I remember such a feeling of utter relief that it was all out in the open! Joyous! The next morning the boys in the band, were utter gentlemen, pushing my chair in for me under the dining table and always carrying my bags; they were wonderfully sweet, including Mick Hucknall, the lead singer os "Simply Red", who always very kindly, asked how I was feeling.

I did get ill on tour at the end of November in Cologne and developed a rather nasty cough. I asked John, the tour manager if I could see a doctor and one was promptly summoned to my hotel room.

A tall man, immaculately dressed, greying at the temples, with a tweed bow tie; entered my hotel room. After examining me and listening to my lungs, he said: “You need a course of antibiotics immediately.”

“I avoid taking antibiotics at all costs” I replied. “Particularly when I’m pregnant, I don’t want to take any medication.” With German efficiency, he rapidly replied:

“If you don’t take them, you will probably develop pneumonia and lose the baby.”

I bit my lip, took his prescription and finished my course of antibiotics; getting well at the same time.

Before the final leg of the tour in December, all the girls were summoned to a ‘tour meeting’. John told us in no uncertain terms; “Girls, the roads in Italy that we will be travelling on will be very bumpy and twisty, and on the tour buses, you will get thrown around a lot in your bunks…So does everyone still want to complete the last three weeks of the tour?”

I realised right there and then, that the management were probably worried about firing me, but absolutely didn’t want me on the last leg of the tour. That entire speech had been in no uncertain terms addressed to me and designed to frighten me…

Which it certainly did just that.

Right at that exact juncture, I’d been asked to fix a string quartet for a run of Christmas shows in a large marquee in central London, starting in a few days’ time. On one of my rare days at home in London, immediately before the last leg of the tour; one of the violinists, Natalia, that I’d booked for the gigs, asked to meet me for a coffee at Pret A Manger in Hammersmith.

Natalia offered to buy the coffees and sat down rather nervously with me…

Looking me straight in the eyes, her voice was a whisper: “Lisa, I want to pull out of the gigs, you’ve booked me on, because I’ve got no confidence in my live playing anymore!’

Shocked, I gently took her hand, she lowered her gaze...

“Why ever not Natalia…. What’s happened?”

She lifted her gaze again to meet mine: “I’ve been in a signed band for the last two years where all I’ve ever done was mime along to tracks on gigs and on TV! I have zero confidence to play live anymore….!” “Oh my gosh” I responded, “What a waste of all your music college training and practice.” We parted as friends, but now I had the very real dilemma of where to find another violinist for all these Christmas gigs at the busiest time of year for all musicians…

My mind was racing as I went home and discussed all of this with Anthony. Financially I would be £1,000 worse off if I took the Christmas gigs in Natalia’s place, instead of the remaining three weeks of the “Simply Red” tour. But we desperately wanted this baby, and by now, my mummy bear protective instincts were really kicking in… I had no choice, I had to call my agent, Susannah and tell her I was pulling out of the tour.

I absolutely never like to let anyone down: friends, family but especially work commitments so I dreaded making the call. I was also extremely concerned that she would never book me again…

Well guess what? My suspicions were confirmed. The conversation was extremely cold and uncaring on her behalf, as she informed me: “Lisa, quite frankly your pregnancy has put me in a very difficult position.”

This is despite me being 36 years old and married, and it was almost 2006.

I was being made to feel like an unmarried mother from the 1800’s…

Needless to say, the Christmas shows in London in the fixed marquee with the string quartet went really well and I got to go home at a reasonable hour and sleep a healthy, relaxed sleep in my own bed with my husband.

Did I get pangs of guilt for missing the last three weeks of the tour? Yes, I most certainly did…. But in the great scheme of things, I had more important things to do, like deliver a healthy baby to term.

With regards to Susannah, as I feared she NEVER booked me again AND had her contracts changed so that the wording read (for all female musicians), that they could only sign this contract if they were definitely NOT pregnant or indeed TRYING to get pregnant….

Yes really… welcome to the Music Business…

Now back to the gigs, where life gets a lot more fun!