Katya's Story

Chapter 1

I was so lonely. It was like a black hole inside. It wasn’t as if I was alone. I wasn’t. There were always people around, but they didn’t help. I tried to stop crying years ago, because I was only slapped or kicked by one of the other girls who told me to shut up. At times though, lying in my bed, I felt so sad. I just couldn’t help it. A deep sob welled up within me and I stuffed my face into my pillow so no one would hear.

I don’t know when I came to the orphanage. I wasn’t born here, but no one seems to know when I arrived or how old I was or why I was dumped there.

School made life better. Well, a little better. Girls like me are looked down on because I have no family. There are lots of us, but that didn’t change anything. You have to be clever or pretty or know how to suck up to the teachers for people to be nice to you. I was none of those things. I was small for my age and have mousy coloured hair that hangs shapelessly to my shoulders. The only good thing are my blue eyes, but they do not make up for my long, pale face and tiny nose.

The women in the orphanage always used to whisper about me when they thought I couldn’t hear. ‘Poor Katya. So plain and …’ the lady lowered her voice, ‘stupid.’ I just stood there, shaking. I couldn’t believe someone could be so unkind. I stared at her and she looked a little embarrassed and hurried away.

I hated my life. I shared a big, draughty bedroom with seven other girls, and nothing was my own. We had a small cupboard by our bed, and we could put our possessions in there, but everyone looked at everyone else’s stuff and took anything they liked. The bedding was old, the floorboards cold and bare apart from a few worn mats and the curtains hung thin and faded. They didn’t keep out the light in summer or the cold in winter.

We didn’t even have our own clothes. There was just a big pile of items, and you took whatever you fancied each day. Even if someone gave me a dress that was just for me, it would go to the wash and when it arrived back it would be lumped in with everything else.

I longed for my own space, my own bed, my own clothes, and my own doll. Just anything that was mine and mine alone. Rolo was all I had. I don’t know where my scruffy little bear came from, but I imagined he had been left with me when I came here. All my life I clutched him but when I started school one of the ladies gently prised him from my fingers.

‘I’ll look after him till you come back,’ she said.

I sobbed, but she was as good as her word and when I came home she handed him back to me. Every day she kept him safe, but when I was older, I found a special hiding place for my friend behind the cistern in one of the toilets and he spent every day there. At night, I grasped him under the covers and whispered my dream of being part of a family to him.

I liked reading because I could escape into the stories. After school each day, whilst everyone else sat on the floor or the lumpy sofas in front of the ancient television, I read a book. I had a special corner behind the brown sofa where I could snuggle up and disappear from my dreary world into the exciting world of my heroes and heroines.

We always went out for a little fresh air late in the afternoon to the grubby space they called the garden. We sweltered in the heat of summer kicking the bare, dusty earth and shivered in the frost and snow in winter. There were some rusting swings and a seesaw that had been donated to the home by some Americans years ago. In one corner was a pile of old beds and other rubbish that no one had bothered to get rid of. I even saw a rat scurrying past one afternoon.

It wasn’t much fun outside. Occasionally, the ladies came outside to play games, but they could never think up any exciting ones for us, so we played the same old ones over and over.

I wanted to get away. All I wanted was a normal home and a mummy and daddy to love me.

Chapter 2

Serena arrived like a breath of fresh air. She was pretty with dark wavy hair, big brown eyes and she was always smiling and laughing. Even here.

She took one look at me. ‘Katya. You and I are going to be friends.’

I stared at her wide-eyed. How did she know my name?

‘That would be nice,’ I stammered and smiled.

‘How old are you?’

‘Ten. I think.’

Serena laughed at that. ‘Well, I am twelve.’

She put her arm around my shoulders and asked me to show her round. Some of the other girls glowered at me. You could see them thinking why has Serena chosen little Katya. I would make a better friend. But Serena chose me. No one has ever chosen me for anything before.

I showed her our bedroom and her bed. One of the other girls had recently become 18 and so had to leave the home, making a bed free. Serena was interested in everything, even the terrible bathrooms with cracked mirrors and the toilets with no doors that we had to clean most days. She didn’t even seem to mind the dreadful smell of cooked food that hung in the air.

She was being so kind that I asked the forbidden question. ‘Why have you come here?’

‘Oh!’ She laughed in that carefree way that I came to love. ‘My parents live on a smallholding out in the country. I’m the eldest, but they kept having babies. I wasn’t going to be an unpaid nanny or skivvy.’

She grimaced. ‘They said I must either work for my upkeep or go. They even suggested I beg in town. Not likely. I chose to go.’

‘But why would anyone want to come here?’

She shrugged. ‘It’s warm and they give you three meals a day.’

‘But the food’s terrible.’

‘Better than no food at all. I only had one meal a day at home. This place will do.’

I shook my head. Fancy preferring to be here than with a family. I knew where I would rather be.

It was Saturday, so we were not at school. The gong sounded for lunch, but no one rushed. We lined up for a bowl of watery soup with a few vegetables floating in it and a thick slice of dry, tasteless bread.

Serena tucked in like it was a feast. The rest of us dipped our bread into the soup to make it easier to swallow.

‘We have to help with the little ones now,’ I said.

Serena pulled a face. ‘I was trying to get away from that.’

‘You can wash up if you prefer.’

‘No. I’ll come with you and help. We don’t have to change nappies, do we?’

She wrinkled her pretty little nose in disgust.

‘I’ll do yours if you like but you have to give them their bottles.’

In the nursery, I picked up one little boy who was standing in his cot rocking back and forth. He gurgled and chuckled as I bounced him up and down and snuggled him. There were about 20 wooden cots in the room, with only enough space between them for someone to get to the babies. When Serena went and held out her arms to another little girl who was standing rocking, she dropped back into the cot and started wailing.

‘Here.’

I passed the little boy to Serena who held him at arm’s length as he did smell rather bad. I picked up the crying baby girl and cuddled her until she was quiet.

‘Katya’s touch.’ One of the ladies who looked after the children smiled at me. She took the little boy, who was beginning to grizzle from Serena. ‘You obviously don’t have it.’

Serena pulled a face at the lady’s back as she took the boy away to clean him up. I showed her where to get the bottles, some of milk and others of carrot juice. Then we sat around the nursery with a few of the other girls and fed the little ones and changed them.

After their bottles, we took them into the playroom and played and sang to them even though there weren’t many toys for the children to play with. This was the time the ladies who worked in the nursery had their lunch, but when they were finished the children were put back into their cots for a nap.

‘I like being with the babies,’ I said to Serena as we wandered outside. ‘It’s peaceful and they giggle if you tickle them.’

She made a face. ‘Better than cleaning toilets I suppose.’

I didn’t tell her that we would have to do that tomorrow.

We sat under a tree on a small patch of grass in the garden.

‘Do we go to school, Katya?’ Serena asked as she plucked some of the grass.

‘Yes. Didn’t you go before?’

‘Not often. The nearest one was a few kilometres away and my parents couldn’t afford it. I can read and write but I’m looking forward to going back to school.’

‘The boys and girls at school are not very nice to girls like us.’

‘Don’t worry. I can handle them. I need to get better educated.’

‘Why?’

‘I have plans.’

She looked at me with raised eyebrows and grinned.

Chapter 3

'Katya! Wake up!’ A voice was hissing in my ear.

I prised open my eyes to see Serena shaking me.

‘Come on.’ She giggled.

It was the middle of the night. I rolled out of bed, not at all sure what Serena was up to. I rubbed my eyes to try and get them to open properly.

‘Follow me,’ she whispered.

We tiptoed out of the dormitory, along the corridor, avoiding the creaking floorboards by walking close to the wall. We sneaked down the stairs. At the bottom, we checked to make sure all was quiet and everyone was in bed. I had no idea where we were going.

Serena led me through the dining room, lit by moonlight streaming through the windows, making it easy to avoid the tables and benches. We crept into the kitchen. Serena stretched up behind a big jar of flour and dug out a key. How did she know it was there? It opened the store cupboard and laughing, Serena took a loaf of bread. She carefully locked the door again and replaced the key.

We retraced our way back to our room, but I forgot about the creaky floorboards. A loud squeak just outside the staff bedrooms sounded deafening in the stillness. We stopped and held our breaths, but no one called out or came to see what we were doing. Back in our dormitory, Serena shared out the loaf with anyone who was awake.

‘You’ll get into terrible trouble,’ one of the other girls said.

Serena shrugged. ‘No, I won’t. They’ll never know who took it.’

‘We better clear up all the crumbs.’ I used a dirty sock to sweep the floor.

Next morning, the director gave us all a telling off for stealing bread. Everyone looked surprised and innocent, some because they were and the rest because they were trying not to look guilty. The director hid the store cupboard key in a different place after that.

Serena wrinkled her nose and tossed her head. ‘I’m not doing that again anyway.’

She shrugged. ‘Like to keep them on their toes. Something different every time. More fun that way.’

Even when she was not being mischievous, she made me laugh. She could imitate anyone, especially the ladies who looked after us. Some of the girls loved it when she mimicked the director. Serena would stand, strike a pose, and wave her finger.

‘Girls! I will not have you stealing food. Anyone caught doing so will be punished severely.’

A few of the girls laughed but most tried to tell Serena off. She ignored them.

Serena was very grown up. She loved looking at any ladies’ magazines that the home had been given. She would pore over the pictures.

‘That dress is amazing. Don't you think, Katya?’

I nodded.

‘I’d love to get my hair styled like that,’ she said pointing to a photo of a glamorous model.

‘You’ll never have the money,’ I said.

Serena smiled at me. ‘Wait and see.’

Occasionally she would even comment, ‘That hairstyle would suit you, Katya. Would you like me to cut your hair?’

‘No!’ I backed away from her. ‘Suppose it went wrong. We’d get in awful trouble.’

She fingered my straggling hair. ‘Better than this.’

My bottom lip trembled.

‘Don’t cry. You’re my friend, Katya. I love you just the way you are,’ she said, giving me a hug.

Often, as she was choosing clothes from the pile in the morning, she would turn to me.

‘What do you think, Katya? Shall I wear this top with these trousers or does this one go better?’

I just used to grab anything that fitted. Not Serena. She would carefully pick through the heap till she found exactly the right combination.

‘There,’ she said, pirouetting like a model. ‘What do you think?’

‘Fantastic!’

She looked amazing and much older than her age.

She may not have been to school much, but that didn’t hold her back.

‘Are you stuck again, Katya?’ she would say as I spent ages trying to make sense of my homework. ‘Here. Let me help.’

She read what I was doing.

‘That’s easy. Look.’

And in a moment, she had made it plain.

I liked being with Serena. Life was never dull. She was always up to something.

‘I told you, Katya. I have plans.’

‘But what?’

‘Wait and see. I’m not staying in this place forever.’ Her eyes sparkled. ‘There’s a world out there to see, Katya.’

Some days on our way back from school, she took me a long way round so we could look in the shops, especially the clothes shops.

‘Look at those clothes. Do you think that dress would suit me?’

‘Yes.’ I laughed. ‘If you had any money.’

‘I will. One day.’

It was whilst we were on our way back home from school that we met Maria. I wish I had never seen her. She ruined all our lives.