Sisu: The Power to Rise (Volume 1)

Preface

Dedicated to my father who was a pure example of love and passion to Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour.

Prologue

The locker room was quiet, the kind of silence that pressed down on you, heavy and suffocating. The air was cold, but the metal of the pistol against my temple was colder. My reflection in the mirror stares back, unrecognizable—eyes hollow, shoulders slumped, face drained of any semblance of life.

This was it.

I gripped the pistol tighter, my hand trembling. It wasn’t just about one bad day. This moment had been years in the making. Years of silence. Years of enduring the unendurable. The taunts, the isolation, the fear that this was all there was for me. I felt broken, as though every piece of me had been chipped away by the very institution I’d once believed in.

I wasn’t just tired; I was done.

But then, as the seconds stretched, a thought cut through the fog of despair: Faith and Grace.

My daughters were waiting for me at the apartment, probably curled up on the couch, unaware of how close I was to leaving them forever. I pictured their faces—Faith with her bright smile and Grace, my little one, still discovering the world. They needed me, even if I felt like I had nothing left to give.

I couldn’t abandon them.

The pistol dropped from my head, the weight of it now unbearable in my hands. My knees buckled, and I sank to the floor, tears streaming down my face. At that moment, I didn’t know what would come next, but I knew one thing for sure: I couldn’t do this anymore.

I’d give up the badge, leave the organization, and never look back. The RCMP had taken enough from me.

What I didn’t know then was that this moment—the lowest of my life—would become the turning point. I’d find the strength to fight back.

I could not have foreseen that I would meet a lawyer who would open the door to something bigger than me: a class-action lawsuit challenging the institution that had tried to destroy me.

But for now, in that empty locker room, all I could do was sit and breathe. I was still alive—for my daughters, for myself. And that would have to be enough.

Chapter 1 – Early Life

Thunder Bay, Ontario, wasn’t exactly a place where dreams of travel and adventure took flight. The winters were cold, the summers fleeting, and life felt predictable. But even as a little girl, I knew I wanted more. I would stare at planes in the sky, imagining myself soaring above the clouds, far away from the small-town streets.

After high school, I decided to take a leap. Vancouver called to me, with its bustling streets and promises of opportunity. For a year, I threw myself into chasing dreams—trying my hand at acting while also pursuing the idea of becoming a flight attendant. Both felt like ways to escape, to find something bigger than myself.

But Vancouver wasn’t what I had hoped it would be. The cost of living was high, and reality came crashing down hard. I wasn’t ready to let go of my dreams, but I needed a new plan.

When I returned to Thunder Bay, I enrolled in a two-year travel and tourism college program. It felt like a step forward, a way to channel my love of travel into something tangible. It was there, in the midst of learning about destinations and logistics, that I met Mark. He had an easy smile, and before I knew it, we were inseparable.

After I graduated, we decided to leave Thunder Bay together. We moved to Sioux Lookout, a small northern town where I started working as a customer service agent for an airline. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was a step closer to my dream of becoming a flight attendant. I knew I needed airline experience to eventually take to the skies, so I worked hard, learning everything I could.

Then life threw me a curveball: I found out I was pregnant.

Mark and I flew back to Thunder Bay, where we welcomed our daughter, Faith, into the world. Becoming a mother was a joy I hadn’t expected, but it also meant reevaluating everything. After her birth, we returned to Sioux Lookout, and I went back to work at the airline.

For a couple of years, life felt stable. But that old travel bug—the one that had me dreaming of far-off places and soaring above the clouds—came back stronger than ever. I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

“Mark,” I told him one night, “I need to pursue my flight attendant career.”

It wasn’t an easy conversation. He understood my passion, but it also meant making sacrifices. Ultimately, I moved to Hamilton with Faith to chase my dream. We left behind the comfort of familiarity and Mark’s daily presence. I rented a dingy bachelor apartment and threw myself into my new life.

Flying for Sky Service Airlines wasn’t always glamorous, but it was exactly where I wanted to be. Those first flights, the thrill of takeoff, and the sense of freedom reminded me why I’d worked so hard to get there. Even with the challenges of raising Faith on my own in a new city, I felt alive.

This chapter of my life was about chasing dreams, making sacrifices, and proving to myself that I could create the life I’d always imagined.

Chapter 2 – Soaring Dreams

The first time I stepped onto an airplane as a flight attendant, I felt a spark of pride and excitement I hadn’t experienced in years. This was it—the dream I’d been chasing since I was a teenager. The roar of the engines, the bustle of passengers finding their seats, and the rhythm of the in-flight service all felt like a symphony I’d waited my whole life to be part of.

Working for Sky Service Airlines was a mix of glamour and grit. There were moments of wonder: flying to new destinations, seeing the world from above, and meeting people from all walks of life. But there were also the realities of long hours, turbulent flights, and the ever-present challenge of balancing my career with raising Faith.

Hamilton wasn’t home—it was a means to an end. My bachelor apartment was small, with peeling paint and a leaky faucet, but I made it work. Faith was my anchor, the reason I pushed myself every day. There were nights I’d come home exhausted, still in my uniform, and find her waiting for me with her big, bright smile. No matter how hard the day had been, she reminded me why I was doing all of this.

Flying brought freedom, but it also brought challenges. There were moments of intense homesickness—missing Mark, missing the life we’d left behind in Thunder Bay. Faith was too young to understand why her dad wasn’t around every day, and I struggled with the guilt of pulling her away from the stability of a two-parent household.

But there was also a thrill in building something on my own. Every successful flight, every glowing review from a passenger, was proof that I could make this dream a reality.

One of my favorite parts of the job was layovers. While other crew members might complain about being away from home, I saw every stopover as an adventure. Whether it was a bustling city or a quiet town, I found ways to explore and soak in the experience. I wanted to show Faith the world someday, to give her the gift of seeing life beyond Thunder Bay and Hamilton.

Still, there were sacrifices. Faith spent more time in daycare than I liked to admit, and there were moments I questioned whether I was doing the right thing. But I reminded myself of the example I was setting for her—that it’s okay to chase your dreams, even when it’s hard.

As the months turned into years, I found my rhythm. Faith and I became a team, navigating the ups and downs of life together. I learned how to pack her bag with toys and snacks for the days she spent with a babysitter during my shifts. I made the most of our time together, turning weekends into adventures of our own.

Still, there was a nagging feeling I couldn’t shake. While flying fulfilled a part of me, there was something else calling me—a quiet but persistent urge to do more, to make a difference in a way I couldn’t yet define. I didn’t know it at the time, but the seeds of that feeling would eventually lead me to an entirely different path.

For now, though, I was flying high, chasing dreams, and building a life for Faith and me. It wasn’t perfect, but it was ours.

Chapter 3 – A New Season

The summer break from Sky Service Airlines felt like a breath of fresh air.

Faith and I returned to Thunder Bay, where life slowed down, and I could enjoy the comforts of home. After months of juggling flights and single-parenting in Hamilton, being surrounded by family brought a sense of balance I hadn’t realized I needed.

Faith thrived in Thunder Bay. She had her grandparents to spoil her, cousins to play with, and a yard to run around in. For me, it was a chance to reconnect with Mark and reevaluate what we wanted as a family.

But as much as I loved being home, the itch for the skies returned as summer wore on. Sky Service Airlines was a seasonal position, and I was eager to get back to flying. By the time fall rolled around, Faith and I packed our bags again, heading back to Hamilton for my second season.

It wasn’t long into my second year that I started feeling different—tired, queasy, and not quite myself. At first, I chalked it up to the demands of the job. The early mornings, late nights, and the stress of being away from home could take a toll on anyone. But when the symptoms didn’t go away, I began to suspect something more.

A quick visit to the doctor confirmed it: I was pregnant.

The news hit me like turbulence I hadn’t prepared for. Another baby. Another shift in our already complex lives. I sat with the news for a while, letting it sink in. I thought about Faith and how she’d adjust to being a big sister. I thought about Mark and how he’d react when I told him. Most of all, I thought about what this meant for my career and our future.

Flying while pregnant wasn’t impossible, but it did add a layer of complexity. I began to see my flights through a different lens, imagining how my growing family would change the path I’d been on.

This chapter in my life was a mix of joy and uncertainty. As I flew from city to city, I carried not only passengers but also the weight of the decisions I’d need to make in the months to come. But even amid the unknown, I felt a quiet excitement.

I knew that when I landed back in Thunder Bay, life would be waiting for me—with all its challenges and its blessings.

Chapter 4 – Breaking Point

When my second season with Sky Service Airlines ended, I returned to Thunder Bay just in time to welcome Grace into the world. Holding her tiny body in my arms, I felt a renewed sense of purpose. Faith now had a little sister, and my family had grown in a way I hadn’t fully planned but deeply cherished.

Mark and I agreed it was time to make a change for the sake of our growing family. He had an opportunity to advance his career in Terrace Bay, a small town nestled along the rugged northern shore of Lake Superior. The idea of a quieter life appealed to us—or at least, it seemed like the right move at the time.

Once we arrived in Terrace Bay, I took on the role of a full-time stay-at-home mom while Mark focused on his work. On the surface, it felt like we were building the life we’d talked about: a steady income, a stable home, and time for me to raise our daughters. But underneath, things were unraveling.

We argued constantly. About little things, big things, and everything in between. The isolation of Terrace Bay magnified the cracks in our relationship. Mark was often unavailable—physically at work or emotionally distant when he was home. I felt the weight of raising Faith and Grace almost entirely on my own.

There were days I’d look out the window, watching the waves of Lake Superior crash against the shore, and wonder how my life had come to this. I felt trapped, alone, and disheartened. The dream of a happy family life seemed further away than ever.

One night, after yet another argument, I made a decision. I couldn’t do it anymore. The girls deserved better—a happy, present mother who wasn’t constantly fighting to hold everything together. And I deserved better, too.

After a year in Terrace Bay, I packed our belongings and left. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was a necessary one. I moved back to Thunder Bay with Faith and Grace, stepping into the unknown but knowing that staying wasn’t an option.

Back in Thunder Bay, I was on my own again, but this time, I felt a sense of relief. I was no longer trying to fix something that was broken beyond repair. The path ahead was uncertain, but at least it was mine to carve out—with my daughters by my side.

Chapter 5 – Rediscovering Purpose

Life in Thunder Bay’s low-income housing wasn’t glamorous, but for Faith, Grace, and me, it became a place of peace and rebuilding. The neighbors were warm and welcoming, and in our little backyard stood a raspberry bush that quickly became the girls’ favorite spot. Watching them play and laugh among the branches filled me with a sense of calm I hadn’t felt in years.

For the first time in a while, I began to think about what kind of future I wanted to create for my daughters—and for myself. It was clear to me that I needed to be more than just a good mother; I needed to be a role model, someone they could look up to.

That’s when I decided to go back to school. I enrolled in an addictions worker program, driven by a desire to make a difference in people’s lives. The coursework was intense, but it ignited something in me. I found myself inspired by the stories of resilience and hope that came with studying addiction and recovery.

The RCMP had always been a symbol of excellence in my mind—the best of the best. Joining their ranks would mean more than just wearing a uniform; it would be the culmination of everything I’d worked for. The thought of one day being part of the Musical Ride—a prestigious equestrian unit of the RCMP—was a goal I held close to my heart.

As I worked my shifts at the shelter and tucked my daughters into bed at night, I began to imagine what life could look like in a red serge uniform. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I was no stranger to hard work or difficult paths. If anything, the challenges I’d faced had only made me stronger.

For Faith, for Grace, and for myself, I decided to take the next step toward that dream.

Chapter 6 – The Journey to Depot

The decision to join the RCMP had always been about more than just a career—it was about proving to myself, and to my daughters, that I could overcome anything. But as I prepared for Depot, life presented a new challenge: Mark had moved on. He was expecting a child with another woman and had started a new chapter of his own. The weight of that reality hit hard, but it also sharpened my focus.

I was raising Faith and Grace on my own now, and my family became my rock. Their unwavering support gave me the strength to tackle the daunting road ahead.

The testing process was relentless. Written exams tested my focus and knowledge, physical assessments pushed my body to its limits, and the lie detector test forced me to confront myself in ways I hadn’t expected. Each step felt like a mountain to climb, but I kept moving forward, spurred on by determination and the image of Faith and Grace cheering me on in my mind.

When the moment finally came, the evening I packed my suitcase for Depot, it was surreal. My daughters played in the next room as I folded uniforms and neatly arranged everything I’d need for six months at the RCMP training academy.

This time, there was no partner standing by my side. Mark had his own life now, and while that truth stung, it also liberated me. I wasn’t doing this for anyone else; I was doing it for me and my girls.

Faith hugged me tightly before I left, her little arms full of love and encouragement. Grace, too young to grasp the gravity of the moment, simply giggled and waved as my family helped load my suitcase into the car.

“I’m going to make you proud,” I whispered to them, and to myself, as I took one last look at our little home before stepping out into the crisp evening air.

As the plane to Regina lifted off, I stared out the window and felt the weight of everything I was leaving behind. But I also felt a sense of hope, of purpose. Depot was ahead of me, a place that would challenge every part of who I was.

I was no longer just a woman chasing a dream—I was a mother carving out a future for her family, stronger and more determined than ever.