The King's Queens

THE KING'S QUEENS

Written by Ross Tomlinson

"REX FUIT ELIZABETH, NUNC EST REGINA IACOBUS" "ELIZABETH WAS KING, NOW JAMES IS QUEEN"

- 17th Century epigram, author unkown

ii.

FADE IN:

TITLE CARD: HERTFORDSHIRE, ENGLAND, 1606

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - DUSK

A rudimentary hackney carriage crosses the Hertfordshire countryside.

INT. CARRIAGE - DUSK

Five passengers are squashed inside - a toothless man with a caged exotic bird on his lap, a young woman with a child. The child coughs and a dob of phlegm jumps out of its mouth and onto its chin. Two young men are cramped to the side. These are ROBERT CARR, 19, radiant and charismatic, and THOMAS OVERBURY, 27, bookish and cunning. Both are asleep.

The child coughs again, waking Thomas. The woman wipes away the child’s phlegm with a fold of her skirt. Thomas gently rouses Robert by rubbing his leg. Robert starts.

THOMAS
Hush. It’s alright. We

there.

ROBERT I’m starving.

THOMAS Cecil will have dinner

And hot water to wash,

The toothless man flashes a wide who nervousely smiles in return.

are nearly

prepared. I hope.

and empty grin to Robert,

TOOTHLESS MAN (to Thomas)

What a fetching little stunner.

THOMAS Excuse me?

TOOTHLESS MAN I’ll have some of that.

Placing his birdcage on the floor, the toothless man reaches over and begins caressing Robert’s leg, stroking his own crotch with the other hand. Thomas reaches over and smacks the man’s hand away.

THOMAS Christ, man.

The old man recoils but keeps his grin fixed on Robert.

EXT. ROYSTON PALACE COURTYARD - NIGHT
SHOUTS from outside the carriage as it pulls to a halt.

COACH DRIVER Royston Palace!

A footman yanks open the door and Thomas rises to squeeze out of the compartment, giving a hard shove to the old man’s birdcage on his way out.

FOOTMAN 1
Welcome to Royston Palace, your

Grace.

THOMAS
That’s the last time I’ll use a

public carriage. Cecil should’ve insisted on private transit.

FOOTMAN 1
My Lord Cecil sends his apologies,

your Grace. All carriages have been used for guests of tomorrow’s joust.

Thomas turns to hand Robert down from the carriage.

THOMAS (softly)

Here, my love.

The two men take in the sprawling palace - a jumbled mixture of ancient and new houses and lodgings. Music and voices spill out of an inn - the Greyhound.

Robert gazes around in awe while Thomas disgustedly tries to scrape a dog turd from his boot heel.

FOOTMAN 1
If you’ll follow us this way, your

Graces.

INT. ROYSTON PALACE - QUEEN’S QUARTERS - NIGHT

At the window watching the two men arrive, is QUEEN ANNE OF DENMARK, 32, intelligent face suffocated by a ruff.

2.

Her lady in waiting, FRANCES HOWARD, 18, attaches jewels to her enormous hair.

ANNE
The pearls, Frances, not the

rubies.

FRANCES
Of course, your Majesty, I’m sorry.

Anne gestures to the courtyard.

ANNE
Thomas Overbury arrives from

London.

FRANCES
Yes, your Majesty. To take part in

the joust tomorrow.

Anne laughs. The two footmen unload baggage and armour from the carriage.

ANNE
Thomas cannot think to take part in

the joust. He could barely lift a kitten.

FRANCES They say he brings his your Majesty, to enter

his behalf.

ANNE
Is that him? The page?

new the

page, joust on

Thomas’s

King

Majesty?

She gestures to Robert, who supports scrapes the shit from his shoe.

FRANCES
I think so, your Majesty.

ANNE
Pretty. Clever Thomas. The

will be pleased. His name?

FRANCES
Robert Carr. Ribbons, your

arm as he

ANNE
Not tonight. These peculiar English

fashions. I’d rather dine naked than wrapped up like a prize twat.

3.

Frances laughs.

FRANCES
The ribbons will only compliment

your beauty, my lady. Anne takes Frances’s hand.

ANNE
My sweet girl. I’m old enough to

know an ugly face when I look in the mirror.

FRANCES
Nonsense. I consider myself lucky

to dress such a beautiful face.

ANNE
I look like a horse.

FRANCES
Then I am a lucky groomsman.

ANNE
Fine. The Chinese ribbons.

EXT. ROYSTON PALACE - SERVANT’S QUARTERS - NIGHT

The two footmen carry baggage towards the entrance of the servant’s quarters, Thomas and Robert following. Robert quietly slips his hand into Thomas’s.

ROBERT It’s huge.

THOMAS You’ll get used to it.

ROBERT
Will we be sharing quarters?

Yes.

THOMAS

ROBERT
And if you are summoned by the

King?

THOMAS
When the King summons me it shall

be only for a night at a time. You’ll be fine.

4.

At the door waits MOLL, 50s, dour, holding a torch. She curtsies to each man as they approach. A barely perceptible glance of disapproval at their joined hands.

MOLL
Your Grace. Your Grace. I hope you

travelled well.

THOMAS
A stinking journey only made worse

by our arrival. My boots are caked.

MOLL
The King’s dogs are prone to

deficate in all areas of the palace, your Grace.

THOMAS
You will send for a bucket and

water.

MOLL
Naturally, your Grace, once I have

shown you to your rooms.
Moll turns and leads the men into a darkened corridor.

INT. ROYSTON PALACE - SERVANTS QUARTERS - NIGHT
Moll leads through a passage by the light of her torch.

THOMAS
Why must the King insist on moving

his entire Court up from London? This place is filthy.

Thomas trips on a flagstone in the dark. Robert supports him.

MOLL
Since the Gunpowder plot, your

Grace. They say the King fears for his safety in London.

ROBERT
Surely a plot can be assembled

anywhere?

MOLL
I don’t question the King’s

motives, sir. Who knows what goes on in his brain. He’s Scottish.

5.

THOMAS
Where is Lord Cecil? I’d been led

to believe that he’d be here to greet us.

MOLL
Lord Cecil is indisposed, your

Grace. A last minute audience with the King. And he sends his apologies. With the palace being so full of visitors from the Court, he is obliged to house you in the servants quarters.

THOMAS
Absent for our arrival. And hiding

us away in the servants quarters.

MOLL
I can assure you, the rooms have

been fully equipped and furnished for your visit.

THOMAS
Would he rather us sleep in the dog

kennels? Seeing as I’m already covered in their shit.

Moll whips about on her heels, a sudden fire in her eyes. She squares up to Thomas.

MOLL
You’ll shut your vicious little

mouth. You think I don’t know your type?

She shoves Thomas against the passage wall with surprising strength.

MOLL (CONT'D)
A commoner and a glorified servant.

No better than the boys that carry your baggage. You’ll be begging me for a job once the King has his fill of you.

She releases Thomas and continues her journey down the passage.

6.

INT. ROYSTON PALACE - JAMES’S APARTMENTS - NIGHT

An opulently decorated, torchlit room. KING JAMES I, 42, sits wrapped in a cape, one damaged leg propped on a stool, a cup of wine in one hand. Two hunting dogs lie at his feet. Beside him stands LORD CECIL, 50s and cunning, hunched back. In front of James a troop of actors and musicians perform a play on a makeshift stage. James necks his wine and gestures to a servant to refill his cup.

More.

JAMES

On the stage: a character who is evidently meant to be Guy Fawkes pours a trail of fake gunpowder from a pot. An ACTOR narrates, dressed as one of the King’s guards.

ACTOR
There was at Court a man of late

Who tried to burn his King
When stooped to light his bonfire though
He only burned his ring!

As Fawkes bends to light the powder, the actor pretends to shove a poker up Guy Fawkes’s arse. Fawkes howls in mock agony.

FAWKES It burns! It burns!

James ROARS with laughter. Cecil applauds. Fawkes hops around the stage holding his buttocks. At every turn he is outwitted by the guard, who either smacks Fawkes around the face or snatches one of the musicians’ instruments to bonk Fawkes on the top of the head. Another actor with dwarfism enters, dressed as Lord Cecil and wearing a huge fake hunchback, brandishing a scroll.

ACTOR
His plot was foiled by Cecil

The hunched and crippled Salisbury Whose looks would scare a whore enough
To put her in a nunnery!

ON-STAGE CECIL To the tower!

Fawkes screams at the on-stage Cecil and covers his eyes.

FAWKES My eyes! My eyes!

7.

More uproarious laughter. Cecil smiles obligingly. James smacks him on the back of his hunch.

JAMES Laugh, man!

Cecil beams and laughs performatively.

CECIL Bravo! More!

JAMES
He has your likeness, my little

beagle.

CECIL
He is a little small in stature,

your Majesty.

JAMES
Bullshit. Try standing up straight.

He guffaws and turns back to the action.

JAMES (CONT'D)
MORE! Where is the King? Where am

I?!

Commotion as the performers help the on-stage guard to remove his breast plate and shirt and place a crown on his head and an open purple cloak around him, revealing ridiulously rippling abs.

CECIL
Ah. I think you may have arrived,

your Majesty.
James grins. His on-stage counterpart brandishes a sword.

ACTOR
It is I! King James of England and

Scotland. James claps.

JAMES Yes! Yes!

ACTOR
From Church of England all who

stray
Shall meet my sword of wrath
And plotting so to kill their King Will bounce on Satan’s cock!

8.

JAMES HAHA! Satan’s cock!

CECIL Charming.

ACTOR
In treachery this Fawkes has sought

To be the Devil’s whore
But now his plot is overturned Hear James of England roar!

(beat) Hear me roar!

The actor begins to roar, and James joins in from his seat, roaring like a child in a game. He motions for Cecil to support him as he rises from his seat, kicking away his stool and approacting the actor.

JAMES Roooaar!

ACTOR Roooaar!

They overlap each other and motion for Cecil to join in. He reluctantly does, as do the other perfomers.

ALL Roooaar!

INT. ROYSTON PALACE - QUEEN'S QUARTERS - NIGHT

Anne is now fully dressed, seated by the window and fanning herself. Her two youngest children, ELIZABETH, 10, and CHARLES, 8, are playing a game of wooden horses with Frances. Observing them is ALICE ESTNEY, 18, carer for the children.

CHARLES
I’ve got the cavalry and Lizzie has

the archers.

FRANCES And what do I have?

ELIZABETH (taking over)

Charles, you’re Harald Hardrada. Frances, you’re Harold Godwinson, and I’m William the Conqueror!

CHARLES
That’s not fair! William wins!

9.

Frances laughs.

FRANCES
What’s mummy going to be?

ANNE
Mummy’s fucking starving.

Mummy!

ELIZABETH

ANNE
Sorry, my darlings. Come here, give

mummy a kiss.

The children run over and sit in the folds of her dress. She kisses each of them.

ANNE (CONT'D)
Do you know what happens to naughty

children who stay up past their bedtime?

The children giggle. Anne puts an arm around each of their waists.

ELIZABETH What mummy?

What?

CHARLES

ANNE They get tickled!

The children scream and laugh as she tickles them. They break away and run around the room.

ANNE (CONT'D)
Right! Enough. Bedtime. Alice, will

you take the children to their bedchamber, please?

Alice steps forward.

ALICE Yes, your Majesty.

ELIZABETH
We want to come to the banquet hall

with you and Frances!