Query Letter Polish Showing Experience and Humour

Query Letter Polish Showing Experience and Humour

Another Page Turner Awards entrant asked for help in ensuring his query letter hit the right mark. To ensure privacy, we won't reveal the original query letter, but here are the two examples our editorial team wrote for Adrian.

Dear [Agent Name],

After years in the intelligence world, I've learned that the most dangerous secrets aren't the ones governments keep from their enemies—they're the ones they keep from themselves.

I seek representation for THE THIRD SUSPICION, a 102,000-word espionage thriller that opens my debut series. Set across London, Rome, Syria, and the French Riviera, this novel sits alongside works like NEVER by Ken Follett and DAMASCUS STATION by David McCloskey.

Akila Wolff, a brilliant but field-shy intelligence analyst at MI6, uncovers a devastating Russian operation: an AI system designed to systematically destroy British intelligence from within. The key to stopping this digital warfare lies with an unlikely civilian—someone whose rare personality disorder makes them both the perfect weapon and the perfect weakness in Russia's plan.

As Britain's national security crumbles around her, Wolff receives unprecedented operational authority. But stopping this threat will force her to abandon everything she believes about principled intelligence work. She must outmaneuver her own superiors, survive devastating professional setbacks, and repeatedly risk her life in the field she's always feared. Victory will come only by shattering the moral code that defines her.

As an intelligence professional in the commercial sector, I bring authentic insider knowledge to this story. My background includes developing intelligence databases for the International Institute for Strategic Studies and pioneering the application of intelligence analysis in corporate environments. I co-founded an AI company that uses intelligence techniques for talent management in large organizations, and I maintain a collection of intelligence-focused short stories at www.adriancowderoy.com to inspire students in the field.

Since my initial submission, the manuscript has undergone professional mentoring and a comprehensive developmental edit. The earlier version was longlisted for the Page Turner 2024 Writing Award.

I'm approaching you because I admired [specific book by agent's client]. I've attached the synopsis and first three chapters. Thank you for your consideration.

Best regards,

Adrian Cowderoy
(Contact Details go here)

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An Alternative Approach for Adrian's Literary Agent Query Letter

Dear [Agent’s Name],

As someone who’s spent a decade in intelligence, I can confirm it’s exactly like James Bond—if Bond spent most of his time in windowless rooms arguing about data sources.

I'm seeking representation for The Third Suspicion, a high-stakes espionage thriller (102,000 words) and the first in a planned series. It blends the geopolitical intrigue of Damascus Station with the contemporary scope of Never, and draws directly from my background in modern intelligence and AI.

Akila Wolff is a brilliant but untested MI6 analyst who believes in clean intelligence and staying well away from the field. But when she uncovers a Russian plot to destabilise the British intelligence services using a covert AI weapon, everything she believes in is turned inside out.

The only person who can help stop the breach is a civilian with a rare neurological condition—and a gift for recognizing patterns others miss. As the crisis spirals from London to Rome to the edge of civil war in Syria, Akila is handed unprecedented power. Betrayed by allies, sidelined by superiors, and forced into the line of fire, she must make one impossible choice after another. What if the only way to stop the threat… is to abandon the principles that got her this far?

This story draws on over a decade of my professional experience in the intelligence sector. I began studying intelligence practices in 2012 while working on classified systems at the International Institute for Strategic Studies, later pioneering intelligence-led AI solutions in the private sector. I also run an online collection of short fiction designed to inspire students of intelligence studies (www.adriancowderoy.com).

Since you previously saw an early draft of The Third Suspicion, it’s undergone full mentoring and a professional development edit. The pre-edited version was longlisted for the Page Turner 2024 Writing Award.

I’m contacting you because I greatly admire [insert author’s name/title here] on your list and believe The Third Suspicion could sit well alongside it. I’ve attached the synopsis and first three chapters for your consideration, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Warm regards,
Adrian Cowderoy
(Contact Details go here)

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