Jeza's Jesus Juice - A Drag Queen's Christian Devotional

PREFACE

WARNING: Unlike most spiritual or devotional books, this one is peppered with some salty language in places, as well as some spicy content. Hey, I’ve got a messy reputation to uphold! I’ve given you notice, so let us proceed.

Looking back throughout my life, I cannot remember a single moment when I didn’t not only believe in God’s existence but knew his existence to be so. God calls himself “I AM” in Genesis, and that was ever true in my knowledge of him from my own human genesis. He was there because HE IS. Belief or lack thereof altered nothing about his being.

The same can be said for the relationship I have with “I AM.” It exists. The thoughts of other people, whether they think God is real, whether they think someone gay can follow him, or anything else, are irrelevant and play no role in its reality. My life was connected at birth to a powerful Trinity: God the father, Jesus the son and savior, and the Holy Spirit that plays a pivotal role in guiding and speaking to the other parts of this trinity in ways that only spirit can. Mankind, other than the one man who was also God, holds no power over this connection.

I begin with these two thoughts on God’s existence and my relationship with him for several reasons that lay out what this book is and is not meant to be.

Jeza’s Jesus Juice is a devotional book for those who believe in God. It’s a welcome space for those seeking to strengthen the most important relationship one could ever have. It’s also a haven for those who have a budding or curious interest but need a point of entry and don’t always feel safe exploring such a relationship in traditional settings out of fear.

This book is not, however, a place for debate about whether or not God is real, nor is it ground zero for arguments over whether or not one can be both gay and Christian. There are numerous venues and spaces outside of these pages for those discussions.

To be frank, for too long, hot-mess human beings have stood as gatekeepers, believing they have some kind of power to determine who is worthy of knowing Christ and developing a relationship with God. As a result, across two millennia, untold millions of people have been turned away, chastised and bullied from pulpits, and made to believe that they were “less than.” People who didn’t meet certain criteria were told they would always be on the outside when it came to being embraced by God. My heart bleeds for these people, because nothing could be further from the truth.

In this book, we leave all of that historical BS and the thoughts of mere mortals at the door and start simply with the truth that always was and always will be: God is, and you can have a wonderful and deep relationship with him if you choose to do so.

It would be silly if I didn’t take a moment to confront head-on the question that is bound to be at the forefront of any reader’s mind here—why in the world is a drag queen writing a Christian devotional book and using her stage name, which happens to also be the name of one of the most wicked women in the Bible?

To address the first part of the question, I’d like to point out that the American-Political- “Christian”-Movement has made drag queens the lepers of the day. With that in mind, there is frankly no better way to point out the hollow religious hypocrisy of our very own Pharisees than by lifting up the power of God through Christ via those they consider to be the most unclean.

To the later part of the question, when I started drag, I took on the name of Jeza Belle for the very reason I write this book today. I wanted to highlight that it’s often those we consider to be the weakest, the worst, the most vile, whom God moves through, and through whom he demonstrates his immense power. One need only look at the apostle Paul, who was a murderer of Christians, to see how God takes those on the farthest fringes and works through them in ways we are too short- sighted to comprehend. Why not work through a man wearing women’s clothing, donning the name of the worst woman in scripture? Not that I’m anything that should be remotely worthy of being a vessel. Then again, none of his vessels ever were, and that’s because it’s about him, not the packaging through which he demonstrates his power.

Granted, as a performer, I lean toward bawdy and blue comedy. Some might question how a potty- mouthed comedian could be sharing such a pure message. Truth be told, I think God has an absolutely wicked sense of humor. We are made in his image, after all, and quite frankly I don’t think God is even remotely as uptight and puckered up as most of us think. He has the ability and comedic genius to move through a drag queen, just as he moved through Deborah in the Bible at great shame to the male judges of the time, while likely having a great big giant belly laugh at those limited enough to not see the message that was being sent.

Jeza’s Jesus Juice is laid out as follows. Each chapter begins with some scripture, almost always from the New International Version (NIV), unless otherwise noted. One can’t ground themself or grow their relationship with God without hearing from him directly. Do note, I encourage everyone to read the Bible outside of these pages. It’s so incredibly important to understand context, who was being spoken to at the time and why, and to make yourself intimately acquainted with the arc of the biblical story of God, his working through the Jewish people, the powerful full-circle journey of the Messiah and Savior Jesus, and the spreading of his message that brings us through to where we are today. All of that is to say that we will isolate and expound on Bible verses, but you should really go beyond two or three sentences to understand anything in depth. Study and read for yourself, because none of us imperfect people should be the ultimate stopgap for God himself. He alone will judge and no one else, so get to know him outside of just listening to the voices of others.

After the scripture, I will basically rant, which will include different things such as the provision of some historical perspective, background to the text, personal stories, and connections to the power of the Word. In some chapters, I will keep it lighter, while others may be heavier with what’s known as apologetics, or a defense of the Christian faith, but from a viewpoint of inclusivity. Traditional apologetics defends God’s existence. My defense will be of God’s inclusive love, though again not with the purpose of arguing any point to a fault—in my eyes, that distracts from developing your relationship with God and instead leaves your energy on arguing with people who seek to block that relationship.

These thoughts will be followed up with prayers. Feel free to read or recite them as they are or to use them as springboards in developing your own communication with God.

Last, I will pose several questions to allow readers to delve deeper into their own thoughts on the topics addressed in the pages that follow. These will hopefully allow room for personal spiritual growth.

You now have the purpose and the plan, so let’s get juiced!

God’s Word

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

I planned to end this book with a chapter on God’s word; however, the closer I found myself to the conclusion of my writing, the more obvious it became that I needed to start with this chapter, not close with it. Everything that follows in these pages is predicated on a strong belief in the power of scripture. Within the covers of what is widely accepted as today’s biblical canon are words of life and strength that demonstrate clearly the arc of our history as beings and God’s role as creator and ever-loving Father.

One might imagine that a drag artist, a member of the LGBTQ+ community, would be running from, not to, scripture to find solace, comfort, and purpose. Yet, the word of God transcends sexuality, gender, race, creed, and any number of other things that separate us on this earthly plane.

Instead, it is through his word that I find the humility to fall on my face before his greatness. I also find the purpose to stand up and be counted as a follower of Christ, and ultimately, I find myself filled with love overflowing that compels me to share it with others, especially the weak and outcast.

The verse from Hebrews that leads off this chapter is enough to send shivers down one’s spine— the words God speaks do something nothing else in the universe is able to. These words go right into the very fabric of our being. They cut down past all of the flesh that makes up our bodies, finding their way into our minds, hearts, and souls.

We feel many things deeply in our beings—even things like music and poetry can stir something unseen. Yet, God’s word goes further. It is so incredible that it has the ability to separate our souls and spirits. According to the scripture above, it slices so thinly and so deeply that it can differentiate between your inner emotional self and your inner spiritual self.

There exists no other object, tangible or abstract, with the potency, force, or ability to pierce through to our innermost essence in the way that the words of the one who created that essence can.

In the book of Isaiah, God states that his word cannot come back void. This means anything he speaks (and anything you read in scripture is his speaking) is unable to be stopped from accomplishing his will, or his purpose.

Damn, that is eye-popping and terrifying, because it is powerfully infinite. Unstoppable. Final. It is for those reasons I have no choice but to begin here.

For gays, lesbians, transgender people, and the rest of our rainbow community, people have often used the words of scripture to self-inflate, or to tear down and harm us. My main point in writing this devotional book is to counter that ungodly behavior, so that you the reader can spend time reflecting on the words yourself.

Marginalized people have sat by for centuries, and often cowered in fear, while others use God’s word as an excuse and a means to hurt anyone they believe is unclean. Sadly, in doing so, those others don’t just pour burning coals on their own heads—they push so many wonderful people away from looking into the word of God for themselves.

Here in these pages, I reclaim Christ for all through the words of the Father.

Jesus said, “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

So here we begin, because in order to live life to the fullest, in order to have the deep and loving relationship with God that is waiting for us, we first have to be alive, and that life starts by hearing his word. Hearing it directly from him. Pondering it. Dwelling on it. Letting it seep through to our core and find us in those quiet spaces.

Life does not come from Abigail Asswipe from Albuquerque’s interpretation. It does not begin or end because Pastor Pete from Plymouth says it is such. It comes from God himself.

Wherever you are in the journey of your relationship with God, whether it’s been minutes, days, months, years, or decades, going back to his words over and over again and dwelling on them, not man’s interpretation of them, is where that intimate relationship starts and ends.

When I first came out, a member of the church I attended reached out to me and said that now that I had fallen into sin and was lost to God, she was praying for me. My response to her was that I was praying for her as well, because God and I were just fine. In fact, our relationship was closer than ever. I was praying that in her journey, she grew to the point where she no longer put God into a box, because he was too big for such small thoughts. For each line of scripture that she threw at me, I threw back two more. She hung up on me!

When gay marriage was being debated in the early 2000s, somehow I ended up in an argument with someone at the James Dobson Focus on the Family Foundation, the conservative evangelical group that was advocating in political circles for legislation that backed their eternal “obsessed with homosexual anal sex” point of view. Incidentally, this topic really seems to preoccupy these supposedly “straight” and very homophobic men of God. However, that is a subject for public bathrooms, massage parlors, sex escort workers’ journals, and a different book.

One of their people, I have no clue who, was angrily listing scripture to me on the sin that is homosexuality. He was not prepared for my response explaining the power of God through this word, the love of Jesus, and the lack of any statement from Christ himself on gay men. This particular mouthpiece for the foundation practically lost his mind, and he left the conversation completely dumbfounded

I have no interest whatsoever in playing a tit-for-tat exchange of Bible verses with anyone. Nor is my plan to arm you with biblical passages with which you can swat back at those who consider themselves our enemies. What I am interested in is encouraging each of us in the gay community to jump into the word ourselves. Study it. Research the passages that interest us in terms of who was being spoken to at the time, what was culturally relevant to that group, and under what context the words were given.

Take ownership of your own learning and growth, and under no circumstances allow anyone to tell you that you are somehow too “icky” to have God’s presence in and through your life. Take back the power that God gave to each of us to know him for ourselves through his words to us, not through the words of other people. If it was up to them, we would likely all be rounded up and tossed into the fire. Thankfully, it is not.

Jesus himself said, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.” With so much weight that they are able to punch through the continuum of space and time, yet with an energy so nimble they can deftly slice between our soul and spirit, we owe it to ourselves to tap into God’s words.

Prayer

Infinite Lord, as I spend time reflecting on your words, may they penetrate to the deepest part of my being. I pray, Holy Father, that these words that slice between my soul and spirit seep down into my bones and marrow and bring me peace, understanding, and a growing love for you.

Reflection

1. How much of the Bible have I read through?
2. What realistic commitment can I make to consistently reading the word? Daily, weekly, monthly?
3. What areas in the Bible do I want to learn more about? Are there certain topics, books, or passages that I might want to focus on first? Which of these would I place first for study, and why?

Radical Inclusivity

“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28

Confession: I wanted to be a minister, but who would have listened to an effeminate gay man talking about God from the pulpit? So, I became the next best thing . . . a drag queen!

The conservative political movement in the United States has somehow managed to displace the agenda of Christ. Unfortunately, this movement’s message is not limited to these American shores, but also resonates and influences others around the globe. LGBTQ+ people are assaulted constantly by a barrage of hatred from seemingly unhinged lunatics. These “Christians” bark incessantly on every form of media, where they claim to speak for God and tell us how he has no room for anyone who looks or acts differently than their textbook model of a Christian. Of course, when you dive beneath the surface, you find instead that they are the ones who are poor representatives for Christ.

Before I go further, for the purpose of this devotional, when I say “evangelical,” I rather untraditionally mean those rigid members of churches both Protestant and Catholic where the preacher/minister and congregation rail from the pulpit and the pews about homosexuality and gender identity. These include but are not limited to Baptists, churches of Christ, many apostolic congregations, major movements within the American black church, numerous nondenominational congregations, the Church of England, various Catholic hierarchy, split movements within major Protestant denominations, etc. Basically any church where even a soft disdain for the LGBTQ+ community is either actively promoted or even tolerated.

One of the primary reasons for this devotional book is to provide a space for LGBTQ+ people, who do not fit into the narrow boxes that these evangelicals create, to safely commune with God without feeling like we do so only as cheeky crashers of God’s party. Instead, we will take a deeper look together at how we are not drifters who came in unexpectedly off the street, but rather we are primary guests with a golden invitation sent to us from God himself through Jesus Christ. We are not intruders—we have each been offered a seat at his table that no mere man can deny us.

While there are numerous biblical verses to choose from when it comes to the welcome and loving open arms that Christ extends to us, I went with the Galatians verse above for its shocking and radical inclusivity that rocked the ancient world and still sends ripples across the waters of time today.

Let us begin with some heavy biblical history. In fact, take a sip of something strong. I’ve personally got an extra-dirty martini in my left hand as I type with my right, as this will take a few intense, alcohol-guzzling paragraphs. For an extra treat, prepare yourself my signature Jeza’s Jesus Juice cocktail—I’ve placed the recipe at the back of this book! (This can also be made as a mocktail for anyone who wants to skip the booze.) Hey, if Jesus can turn water into the wine, why can’t I provide you with a good libation to slug back?

The apostle Paul wrote the words in Galatians to address a growing controversy in which Jewish- Christians believed that Gentile-Christians need to be circumcised and follow Jewish law. To give context, Jesus the Messiah came as promised to and through the Jewish people, whom God chose to share his message and glory. The long and short of it is that the Jews were the vehicle for the eventual freeing message for all of mankind. When Christ arrived, he began tearing down the centuries-old divides set up through the Judaic sacrificial religious system that excluded non- Jews, or Gentiles, from being covered or saved by God, unless they converted and followed Jewish law and Jewish traditions.

Once Jesus was crucified, the open invitation he made to all people, including non-Jews, began to spread around the world. This led to a number of Gentiles becoming followers of Christ and his Father, the Jewish god Yahweh. While it seems common today for millions of non-Jews to follow God, who had a special relationship with the Jewish people, and through God’s son who was born, died, and rose from the dead a Jew himself, this was a groundbreaking shift at the time.

As Gentiles joined the Jews in following Christ, Jewish-Christians were admittedly uncomfortable with having Gentiles in the fold, especially if the Gentile-Christians did not follow Jewish laws and customs. It’s important to note that all of the Apostles and the earliest followers of Jesus were 100 percent Jewish, just as, again, Jesus himself was born into this world Jewish. Since the first Christians were Jews, they followed both Jewish customs and practices while following Christ as their Messiah, or savior, at the same time.

The conflict over how one could possibly be a Gentile and be allowed to follow Jesus the Jewish Messiah eventually led to a message from God to the apostle Peter via a dream, as related in the book of Acts. In the dream, God reveals to Peter, using food as symbolism, that Gentiles are fully welcome into the new covenant.

Now we come to Paul’s words in Galatians, which were written only a few years later. These particular words were meant to quash a debate over whether or not Gentiles needed to follow Jewish law. Paul makes the point that whatever anyone was before they accepted Christ is unimportant. There is no separation, there are no more or less worthy followers—everyone is welcome and equal, and following Jesus trumps all other concerns. There exists no one group or one type of person better than or over the other. Subsequently, it is not for one group to tell another group how to follow God their way. It does not matter if you are uncircumcised, a slave, a woman, or frankly do not follow the traditions that men lay out as imperatives to knowing and following God. All are welcome; all are equal.

This was earth-shatteringly new after centuries upon centuries of separation. Endless years of people being separated into categories. Centuries of there being a hierarchical order in both Jewish and non-Jewish societies of who was above, below, acceptable, and unacceptable in comparison to each other by how they were born, what path they followed, and what actions they took.

I often ponder the similarity of this verse to the culture wars of today. Insert any and all of the LGBTQ+ population into this scripture, and most of today’s nonsensical arguments become pointless. Of course, Paul could have gone on at the time and included in his letter to the Galatians a list of every single group that would be outside the norm just as the Gentiles were, but why bother? The verse encapsulates the whole message of Christianity, in that Jesus was both for and in all followers, not just the ones mankind decided were worthy.

If you have ever stepped a toe into a gay bar, you know how it can often feel like two worlds. On the one hand, a gay bar projects a feeling of unity and acceptance—it is a safe space for anyone whose sexual and/or gender identity might put them at risk in other places.

On the other hand, a gay bar is also a place where we divide quite easily into cliques. People chat with those they come to the bar with, frequently ignoring the strangers around them unless they deem someone particularly attractive.

Often, a number of people stand around the edges of the room, on the fringes. Being a solo flier in a gay bar can sometimes feel quite lonely. One spends their time on the periphery, hoping for someone to welcome you into their conversation. You search from face to face, awaiting an invitation. Those who do not fit our idealized version of physical beauty, or people who might be older than the rest of the patrons, etc., are given a loud and clear message: they are not wanted here, or at least they are only wanted at a very far distance.

Time and again, though, you find someone who flits into a bar and, while they may not fit what our culture deems as particularly fit and therefore worthy of a stool, they blow like a hurricane of personality and take that seat anyway. They do not await the invitation of others to speak—they talk to whomever they want, and this is frequently met with interest and openness from those who might ordinarily not speak to anyone outside their bar circle or clique. They claim their place where it would otherwise not be offered.

It is like this with God’s table when it comes to LGBTQ+ Christians. We often stay back from the table. We do not own our faith, based on very real fears that we are not welcome at God’s table by its other occupants. However, those at the table neither created the table nor sent out the invitations. They are not in any way the host.

Christ’s radical inclusivity extends way beyond what modern evangelicals tout. At God’s table, a seat for each of us exists. This includes you, us, anyone, no matter who we love, what gender we identify as, whether we are a Jew or a Gentile—the list goes on and on, because ultimately, absolutely none of this matters. The table is long and wide. It seats many from all walks who have one common thread: a belief in and love for God. If you have faith in God the Father through Jesus the Son, that seat is yours. Don’t be afraid to take it!

The other diners and their perspectives on your worthiness are irrelevant. They can stick their noses in the air, gnash their teeth, and foam at the mouth in unfounded righteous indignation until Christ returns. Yet God Himself invited you to sit, and as such, man cannot ever take that invitation away.

You are welcome, and equal to anyone who sits at the Lord’s table! He is radically inclusive of all. Embrace that invite. Don your finest, strap on some falsies, tuck it up, or come to the party in leather or rags. Whatever you do, enter, sit, and feast all the same, basking in the incredible love that is God.

Prayer

Father in heaven, thank you for sending Jesus for all of us. We are all invited to your table, and you embrace us for who we are, whom we love, and whatever gender identity we ascribe to, because none of that is relevant in Christ. Christ himself and the love you have for us through Him is what is most important. There is no Jew or Gentile, no slave or free, only us humbled before your throne. Please help me, God, to take the seat at your table that you have prepared for me. You know and love me for me, and for that I thank and praise you. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Reflection

1. What has held me back from developing a deeper/closer relationship with God?
2. What can I commit to in order to begin to grow this relationship?
3. Are there resources (people, publications, scriptures) I can rely on to help me on this journey? If so, name what they are and the potential impact they possess?