The no bullshit guide to self-confidence

Step One

Throw Out the Scales

How did you feel when you read that first chapter title?

Does the thought of throwing out those scales that you rely on so much, scare the shit out of you? I mean, if you throw them out, how are you going to know how much you weigh? How are you going to keep track of what your body is doing?

You will be able to, believe me.

I want you to take a moment, just to think what is so significant about that number you’re trying to reach? Why is it just so damn important to you? You see, I want you to start thinking differently and that’s what this little book is about. It’s about looking at yourself

and your health in a different way.

It won’t be easy because you have years and years of thought habits you’re going to have to break and this takes time. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you just can’t bear to throw out those scales. Put the scales in the cupboard where you can’t just go and stand on them. That’s a start. When you’ve had them sitting in the cupboard for a month, and you haven’t stood on them, then throw them out.

Create some ritual around it if you like. Make it a major defining moment in your life when you realize you are not defined by a number on a scale. Get out the screwdriver and completely dismantle it, showing yourself that you have control over your health, rather than the scales having control over you. How about a ceremony in throwing them away on garbage collection night?

While I’m an advocate in donating things to charity, in this instance don’t. You don’t want to pass the banner of thinking that your weight is the sum of who you are onto someone else now, do you? So, recycle if you can or just throw that bastard out.

This is a major step. It’s going to be a defining moment in your life when you release the need to focus on your weight; when you can

stop beating yourself up because you put on a pound. Or when you have stopped thinking that all of your happiness will be when you reach a stupid number.

Because you are NOT a number!

You are so much more than the number on a scale. You are the moments that you have lived, the memories that you have, the wrinkles that have been written on your face.

You are the shoulder to cry on and the arms that hug. You are the lap that kids and pets like to sit on. You are a good friend and a wonderful person, with a smile that lights up your whole face.

You don’t see any of those things but everyone else does. You’re NOT a number!

It’s not easy to stop focusing on that number. Don’t beat yourself up about it when you’re out shopping and you just happen to
jump on the scales to see what you weigh.

I have to confess that I have absolutely no idea what I weigh. I really don’t. And I want to point out some pretty obvious points to you that sometimes we just seem to forget, because we are too focused on that number.

We’re all different. I know, that’s a shock, right? We are all made up differently. When you focus on a number, what you forget is that the number isn’t a ‘one size fits all’.

And even this isn’t true, as one size doesn’t fit all! Let me share with you a story about what happened with a girlfriend of mine when we went shopping together.

Elena, (who is the same age as me - we met on the first day of high school, oh so many moons ago) and I went shopping. Now both of us HATE shopping for clothes, so it was quite interesting. She kind of knew what she wanted and I was there as moral support.

We ended up in Target and I told her to try on a dress. She said she would, if I would. So, we both grabbed a dress each. We are both a size 8.

We stepped out of the change room together, looked at each other and cracked up laughing. They were like two completely different dresses!

I’m 5ft 8in (173cm) and pretty well straight up and down. Elena is about 5ft and an hourglass figure: lovely big bosom, bottom and little waist.

So, the dress was about 7.5 centimetres (3 inches) above my knee; kind of baggy at the bosom but tight across my shoulders. Whereas on Elena it came below the knee and was tight across the bosom but was a bit baggy at the waist!

It really got me thinking that while we are not a number on a scale, we’re also not the number on a label either. You see, when you see someone that’s a size 12 for example, you won’t necessarily look like that if you get to a size 12. There are just far too many other factors to take into consideration. AGE 7

How tall you are? What's your bone structure like? And even what your body shape is, which varies from person to person.

So, again, you’re not a number.

And while I’m on the topic, what the hell is this women’s size 0? What am I? A baby? The industry has made us so fixated on a number, that now they have made the numbers the same as baby clothes.

To make us feel better about having to wear what? A size 2? Oh please.

So, I beg of you - eradicate those numbers from your mind. Throw out the scales. Don’t

get fixated on a clothing size, because as we all know, there is no set industry standards. In some instances, you can be a size 14 and at other times a size 10.

Remember, this is all about changing your LIFE! It is about being happy with who you are and becoming nice and healthy for you. This isn’t some quick fix where you’re going to lose 4.5kg (10 pounds) in 10 weeks, only to then put it all on, and even more, after you have finished.

This isn’t just about creating new healthy eating habits. It is about creating new healthy 'thought' habits, which is the most important thing to start with.

Step Two

Stop Comparing

This can be a really tough one to change, but change you will, and you won’t look back when you do!

I have a confession to make. I was one of those women that used to criticize others. I’m hanging my head in shame, believe me.

I would walk down the street and think ‘WTF was she thinking wearing that?” Then going through depression and reading lots and lots about low self-esteem and the beauty industry and what society is doing to women, I realised that I had to stop. I needed to change myself, which is the basis for this book. The things that I did and realised had to change to build up my self- esteem.

One day, I decided that this had to stop. I decided that what I was doing was horrible, not just for them but for myself.

Who was I to judge what someone else was wearing? Who the crap did I think I was? But most importantly of all, WHY was I judging what others were wearing/doing?

I realized something rather profound. That when we judge others it’s because we lack something in ourselves. We judge others to try and make ourselves feel good. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work because we’re still miserable.

In this moment, I decided to change. I was no longer going to criticize what other women were wearing, nor what they were doing or saying. I would stand up and say something if they were being critical only.

I was no longer going to get caught up in the whole ‘her against me’ mentality that society has created. We have all been taught to think that we’re in competition with each other. I’m not sure what the prize is but I know all it’s doing is making a lot of women insecure and bloody miserable, which is exactly where the big beauty industry wants us.

So, change I did. Every time I had a negative thought I would switch it to a positive one.

When seeing a lady in her 70’s dressed all funky, instead of thinking ‘she should dress

her age’ or ‘what the hell was she thinking’, I would instead look at her and smile. I would think ‘you GO gal!’ or ‘how awesome do they look?’ or ‘what amazing confidence they must have to be who they are’. The list can be endless.

Then I decided to admire women’s bottoms.

OK, I confess I’ve always had a thing about women’s bottoms: I just LOVE them! They are all different shapes and sizes and just awesome to behold.

My thought habits changed again. When I saw a bigger lady walking along exercising, I would now send her a congratulation energy for getting up and getting out walking. Well done!

I now admire all women, regardless. If they are dressed as a hippie, awesome. If they are covered in tattoo’s, wow. They’re brave - I couldn’t do that! If they’re wearing a rainbow of colours and look like they’re related to a unicorn, I think they are just bloody brilliant!

But it gets better.

I now actually TELL women these things. I have been known to walk up to complete strangers and tell them I love their bum. Or that I think what they are wearing is just