It all started one sunny Tuesday, during the bus ride home from school, Mac and his two best
friends in the whole wide world; Catie and Howard, were talking about their day when the topic went
towards what they hoped they would be eating for dinner.
Page 2:
This made Mac so hungry, that when the bus finally arrived at their stop, he dashed off
without saying goodbye to Caitie and Howard, leaving only the loud grumble of his empty belly to fill the
air!
Page 3
“Dad I’m starving!” Mac said. His Dad replied, like only a Dad could, “Hello starving! I’m Dad,
it’s nice to meet you. Are you going to be in town for a while?!” “Not funny Dad!” Mac said in a
disapproving tone, “I am really…REALLY HUNGRY!”
Page 4
“Seriously Dad, I am Starving Marvin over here, what’s for dinner?” begged Mac. “Starving
you are not; I assure you of that, Mac” Dad replied, holding back a chuckle. “You just got home from
school, why don’t you grab some fruit and go play outside with your friends, if you don’t have any
homework that is?”
Page 5
“OOOKAYYYYY, but what’s for dinner, at least give me a hint.” Dad finally replies with an
answer that Mac should have expected. “Ahh, it’s your favorite meal….Nun-Ya! Now either do your
homework or go outside and play, while I cook, crazy!”
Page 6
"What the Hootie is Nun-ya? I don’t remember ever having it, let alone it being my favorite
dinner’. Mac wonders as he drags his feet out the door. ‘I really hope Dad isn’t experimenting with
dinner again when I am this hungry, last time it was repulsive and probably a crime in other parts of the
world! ‘I’d bet my next haircut that Howard and Caitie will know what “Nun-Ya” is and if I even like it.’
Page 7
“Soo, your Dad said what was for dinner again?”, asked Howard. “He told me it was Nun-Ya.”
Mac replied, “and said it was my favorite dinner.” Caitie stated she had never heard of Nun-Ya and
suggested they look it up online. “How the heck do you even spell Nun-Ya?” asked Howard, as they
started to guess the spelling with a few too many letters and an unexplainable @ and $ in their attempt.
After a few moments, they decided to use their imagination to figure it out.
Pages 8 and 9
SCENE: Close-up of the three of their heads, pondering what Nun-Ya was, imagination balloons above
each of them. Caitie with Worm spaghetti and Hairy Meatballs, Howard with Anchovies Hoagies, and
Mac with a huge question mark.
Verbiage: Caitie started first by stating what she was thinking, “what if Nun-Ya was Squirmy Wormy
Spaghetti and Hairy Meatballs?” Howard followed that by saying he thought it might be warmed
Anchovy Hoagies. “YUCK!” they all exclaimed. Mac then chimed in after he shivered at the thought of
those for dinner and said “what if Nun-ya was even worse?”
Pages 10 and 11
SCENE: More imagination balloons of gross meals.
Verbiage: Howard and Caitie thought aloud to Mac as they continued to imagine rancid meals to feast
on, “how about Bologna Cake with Mayo frosting or even Wasabi Frog Legs in Ooey Gooey Sauce? They
all laughed aloud at these thoughts.


Comments
The manuscript is a very…
The manuscript is a very entertaining piece for young readers, with an engaging concept and enjoyable storytelling. A round of editing would help refine the prose and improve the overall flow.
Super cute idea, and perfect…
Super cute idea, and perfect for young readers. A good edit will help smooth out the wording in a few spots and fix some grammatical issues.
Overall it's very engaging,…
Overall it's very engaging, not least on account of the vibrant illustrations. I agree that the text needs refining and could even be cut back a bit.