Why is this my life?
Lanie often asks herself, after yet another moment of disappointment, todays headline 'another bad date'. The key stuck in the lock, again. Of course. Lanie jiggled it a few times until it gave way with a loud click, the sound echoing down the dim hallway of her apartment like an accusation. She stepped inside and dropped her purse to the floor without bothering to turn on the light. The familiar sent of lavender and last nights reheated take out lingered in the air-comforting and stale all at once. "Honey, I'm home" she said to her empty place with a slight sarcastic chuckle. What is wrong with me. She kicked off her shoes, each step towards the living room tugging at her spine and her spirit. With a sigh that came from somewhere deeper than her lungs, she collapsed into the oversized chair near the window. The one she used to imagine curling up with someone in. That, however, was a long time ago. Another great date, she thought, he is the one. She often laughs to herself. Tonight was Chad, seemed nice at first, until that first drink really opened him up about his ex-wife. Another day at a job going nowhere and another evening slipping into the same worn-out routine of scrolling through other people's lives. Oh look, Sarah is in love "again" and Holly had another vacation with her husband (to make up for cheating, again). Lanie used this information to uplift herself more often that she cared to admit. At least being alone she is not finding the new love of her life every three months or being emotionally torn apart again "c'mon Holly you can do better" she mumbled. Putting down the phone and putting something on TV, just for background noise, something she had seen 100 times, maybe X-Files tonight so she just let’s Netflix know she is still watching as she dives into yet another self-help book and repeats her affirmations. "Money come freely to me" she chants, "my soul mate is already waiting for me". She grabs her laptop, let's see what great insightful tips this life coach has to say in her blog this week. Elle something. Lanie had followed her blogs for a while now and they all seemed to talk right to her but any tips she tried to apply just did not work for her. The life alignment advisor. Tonight's really stopped her though "When you feel like you are fading" it read. Like it was just for her. She started to tear up a little but reminded herself to stay positive. Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth, she repeated in her head.
Affirmations, intention setting, a reminder to control your thoughts, you are what you think you are, vision boards, visualize your life, your love. Candles for aromatherapy, a calming night routine with hot tea with milk and honey (raw of course), journaling. What else can she do.
Nothing clicked. Not for her.
Reviews for Elle beamed below
"Elle saved me" "Elle changed everything for me" "My life is completely different now"
Lanie stared at those words like they were in a different language. Why wasn't it working for her. Why did everything feel so stuck.
She glanced at her laptop again, hovering over the "work with me" button. It is probably a waste of time; you have already tried everything. Don't waste your money and get your hopes up. She is just another person who will tell you to think positive.
Lanie sat in silence for a second, something else, a small whisper, what if she is the one who can see what you can't.
With that, before she could talk herself out of it, she clicked the "book a discovery call" button. In that simple act, everything began to shift. Lanie did not know it yet, but the battle she couldn't name had started. Her stomach dropped, her heartbeat faster. She added it to her planner, set a reminder and tonight she closed her laptop, turned off the TV and went straight to bed. For the first time in a long time, she was hopeful. Something else noticed that flicker of hope too, that glimmer in her spirit, and it was not happy.
Lanie awoke the next morning with that same flicker of hope. Singing this morning as she put on her makeup and picked a cheery blouse for today. She had put a lot of time in on a recent project at work and today the VP wanted to meet the whole team to go over it all. He was impressed with the results and wanted to discuss some other upcoming projects that may be a possibility for them. This was it, feeling the excitement building she did not even mind the traffic today. Window down, belting out Miley Cyrus. The sun was shining, and her life was taking a real leap now. Rushing to her cubicle with excitement, she double checked her appearance, flipping through her planner quickly to make her to-do list clear. Getting emails out of the way early. Her heart skipped- meeting cancelled. Today's meeting with the VP has been cancelled. She was reading for the third time now, fighting back tears, trying to swallow that lump in her throat.
"I want to thank the team for all their hard work with last week's presentation, the clients are meeting with the closers this week. A special shoutout to Marcus for leading the charge with such clarity and dedication"
Marcus?
Of course.
Never mind that she was the one who stayed late three nights in a row refining the visuals and writing the bulk of the content Marcus had fumbled through during the pitch. She had not done it for praise- at least that is what she told herself. Something would have been nice though. Just to be seen for once. She closed the email, her fingers hovering over the keyboard like they did not know what to do anymore. She used to care, that was fading, she used to feel something, that too was fading. No just a gnawing ache behind her eyes and a growing numbness in her chest. The rest of the day was a blur, she did not even remember driving home. By the time she got back she barely had 20 min. to get ready for her "date". Her friend had insisted she gave this one a try. "He is different" she said "he listens". I don't have anything to say she whispered to the mirror.
Elle clicked on the notification:
New Booking.
She sipped her bone broth—scalding hot, just as she liked it—her feet tucked under a warm, fuzzy blanket. Curled up in her favorite chair, she watched the first rays of sunlight peek through the window. The early morning hours were her sanctuary. Outside, birds chirped softly, and palm leaves swayed gently in the breeze. Even on cooler days, she loved opening the window to let the sticky, salty air fill the room.
Her journey to becoming a life coach had been anything but linear. She began in sales, helping customers select art and furniture to make their houses feel like homes. While she excelled in this role, a yearning for deeper, more meaningful connections tugged at her. This desire led her to the healthcare sector, where she assisted individuals and families navigating significant health challenges and losses. However, she sometimes found herself at odds with the recommendations she was instructed to provide, leading to internal conflict.
Determined to align her career with her personal values, Elle immersed herself in continuous learning. She earned certifications in fitness, nutrition, health, behavioral health coaching, and ultimately, life coaching. This comprehensive education allowed her to address her clients' needs holistically, understanding both their emotional barriers and physical limitations.
Elle possessed a remarkable gift of emotional intuition, though she attributed it to being emotionally intelligent and empathetic. She could deeply resonate with her clients' emotions, almost as if she were experiencing their feelings firsthand, she could smell it at times, for a moment she was them. This profound connection enabled her to empathize with their struggles and collaboratively develop personalized plans to help them achieve their aspirations. Clients often joked, "Are you psychic?" She would laugh it off, insisting it was just active listening and genuine care.
Her clientele was diverse: some sought improved relationships with their spouses or children, others aimed to navigate career transitions after years in the same profession, and a few grappled with finding purpose after their children had moved out. Elle's ability to understand and connect with everyone's unique circumstances made her an effective and compassionate life coach. Facilitating the development of personalized plans to help them achieve their aspirations became easy once she knew them, how they thought, what their strengths were (even if they didn’t) and most of all how they felt.
Lanie A., the booking read. As Elle read the brief description of Lanie's reasons for reaching out, she could almost feel the sadness coming from the words. This immediate emotional connection was characteristic of Elle's approach; she believed that truly understanding her clients' experiences was essential to guiding them toward their goals.
Yet, something about Lanie's message felt different. A subtle heaviness lingered in the air, making Elle's chest tighten slightly. She couldn't quite place it, but an unshakable feeling told her that this client would challenge her in ways she hadn't anticipated. The darkness surrounding Lanie wouldn't relinquish easily, and Elle sensed that confronting it would force her to face truths she'd been avoiding for far too long.
The Discovery Call:
Elles screen lit up with a soft chime. Lanie A. has joined the session.
Elle sipped her tea- Chamomile and a splash of bone broth-her odd but oddly soothing concoction.
The screen adjusted and there she was.
Lanie.
Shoulders slightly hunched. Soft pink blouse well fitted but her energy wore like a shirt two sizes too big. Her hair pulled back; soft strands glided down her cheeks. Elle could see she was uncomfortable, but hopeful, just a glistening twinkle of “can you help me” in her soft brown eyes.
“Hi Lanie, I’m Elle”, she softly smiled not trying to seem too cheery or overly enthusiastic. “I am glad you reached out. I know how uncomfortable it can be to be on camera telling someone your feelings, but I want you to know you can say anything here. There is no judgement and no diagnosis's here. Only listening and figuring out where to go from here, so breath and relax”
It was like she knew exactly what Lanie was feeling.
A sigh of relief instantly fell over her, she wasn’t quite sure why, but she wanted to tell Elle everything.
“Thank you for that, I was feeling a little nervous. I have followed your blog for a while now and felt like it was time”
Elle nodded gently, the way she always did when someone said that. Because “maybe it was time” usually meant something inside had cracked open just enough to let truth in.
Lanie talked first, just like she practiced. She said things like “I am just tired all the time” and “I feel like I am watching my life fade away instead of living it”
She listed her attempts-affirmations, journaling, gratitude, switching from coffee to tea (herbal), starting again- she laughed too hard at her own sarcasm. But Elle did not laugh, she at one point felt those same frustrations. Elle had to learn that it is not just affirmations that work, it is only the ones you believe, the ones your spirit know are true and you are finally realizing. It is not because of the words.
There was something about the way Lanie’s words came out, like she did not believe one of them anymore. Halfway through the call, Elle caught a hint of something behind Lanie. Just for a moment. A shimmer on the corner of the wall maybe, a reflection of a passing car catching the sun just right.
“Calm down” Elle thought to herself as she blinked it away. She knew better than to start letting her imagination get involved.
“Lanie” she said, her voice a notch softer “what made you book the call today”
Lanie paused suddenly, more still than before, “I don’t know” she said “I just hit a wall”
Elle nodded “sometimes a wall is a gift, it is the only thing that makes us stop running”
That got a small, real smile out of Lanie. Just enough.
They ended the session a few minutes later with a plan of 3 sessions each a week apart and reevaluate how things are going after that. A few small assignments, notice your thoughts, check in with your body, 10 min. Of silence a day. Nothing Heavy. Nothing alarming.
“Nothing you haven’t tried before "a dark whisper echoed in her ear.
This time though, Lanie knew something was different, she almost felt like someone was watching her now. Like someone was standing right behind her.
Something about Elle assured her this was where real change was coming. But just how much change Lanie had no idea, or what was coming with it.
Elle sat still as the screen turned black. That glimpse of ...something had not left her mind, and neither had the sense that this wasn’t just a mindset issue. Elle got an eerie feeling, almost like heat around her.
“It is probably a hot flash” she falsely told herself. She knew better but she had to clear her mind somehow.
Elle shook it off and closed her laptop.
Chapter 2
Lanie was eager to begin the assignments Elle had provided. The first task was to purchase a special notebook or journal—something beautiful that she would be excited to write in. Elle had suggested choosing one with a captivating cover and thick pages, perhaps even a leather-bound journal with an embossed design and a wrap-around cord. It should be something that stood out from her other belongings.
Deciding to make a day of it, Lanie planned a trip to the downtown bookstore, conveniently coinciding with the local farmer's market. She intended to pick up the journal and then treat herself to some fresh fruits and vegetables. "No takeout this week," she resolved. It had been a while since she felt excited about shopping, especially for groceries.
Upon entering the bookstore, it took only a few minutes for a particular journal to catch her eye. It almost seemed to call out to her. With her new journal in hand, she headed to the farmer's market. The scent of fresh-cut flowers greeted her as she arrived. Remembering an old vase tucked away under her sink, she thought, "I could put these in that vase. I mean vaase” She chuckled to herself, "Let's be elegant." A genuine smile spread across her face as she wandered through the market.
"Good morning," various vendors and shoppers greeted her warmly. Surprised by the friendly atmosphere, she wondered what had changed. Stopping at a vegetable stand, she cheerfully returned the vendor's greeting. "Good morning," the vendor replied, then added, "What a beautiful smile!" Lanie felt a slight blush rise to her cheeks. "Why, thank you," she responded. It had been a long time since someone had complimented her smile—then again, it had been a while since she hadn't had to force one. Whether at work or on yet another disappointing date, smiling had become a conscious effort. But today, joy seemed to flow naturally from her soul.
Practically skipping through the market, she realized that not a single negative thought had intruded upon her happiness that morning. She picked up a ripe tomato and inhaled its scent. The aroma transported her back to her childhood, helping her mother tend to their backyard garden. The peppery, fresh-cut grass smell was unmistakable. She selected a few firm cucumbers, including some small pickling ones perfect for snacking. "Tomato sandwiches for lunch," she declared to the still-smiling vendor. She hadn't enjoyed a tomato sandwich since leaving home. In her opinion, Ohio had the best tomatoes in the country. Farmers markets had been a staple of her upbringing; when had she stopped going? She also picked up fresh honey, a small bag of green beans, baskets of berries, local free-range eggs, and a couple of packs of locally sourced meats. "I'll grab some sourdough on my way out," she reminded herself.
Back at her apartment, Lanie turned the key in the lock, click. What is going on she thought, and stepped inside. She couldn't believe the lightness she felt. Smiling as she put her purchases away, she trimmed the ends of the flowers and placed them in the center of her kitchen counter. "Voilà," she exclaimed to her empty apartment. She plopped into her comfy chair, realizing she hadn't even turned on the TV. Instead, she sat there admiring her new journal. The soft, almost velvet-like green cover adorned with imprinted gold stars rested in her hands. The thick, smooth pages seemed to invite intentional and purposeful writing. She had even chosen a matching calligraphy pen to accompany it.
Suddenly, she was startled by what she could have sworn was movement reflected in the blank TV screen. Quickly turning around, she saw nothing. "Must have been a car passing by," she reassured herself. But the feeling reminded her of that moment in the bookstore. "Stop it," she chided herself. She had meals to prep for the week. Turning on the TV for some background noise, she spent the afternoon cutting, prepping, baking, and sautéing. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed cooking. The fresh herbs filled the apartment with a delightful aroma. She had traded her usual lavender candle for the natural scents of fresh-cut flowers and citrus.
Lanie couldn't believe it. A few simple gestures turn things around. No not that simple. Lanie was right, something else was turning too. Turning angry.
