No One Is Coming To Save You!

INTRODUCTION

I have wanted to write this book for a while now. As a publisher, I love to help other people publish their books. Whether it’s a business book full of thought leadership or a saucy fiction novel, I love to see people bringing their voice to the world. So often an author will say, “Why would people want to hear my story? I’m not special.” My reply is always the same, “What you have to say is special and amazing. What you have to say is important.”

When it came to writing my book, I was putting it off. I told myself I was so busy publishing other amazing books that I just didn’t have time for mine.

At the end of 2023 I spent four weeks in South America with Mr M. We visited Brazil, Argentina, Bolivia and Peru and I can honestly say it was life changing. From spending time watching jaguars on the wetlands of the Pantanal, to sitting on a beach in Rio sipping from a fresh coconut. From creating crazy perspective pictures on the Salt Flats of Bolivia, to discovering Machu Picchu - every day was magical.

It was one early morning in the desert visiting the Stone Tree that it hit me.

I had been hiding from writing my book.

We were in a 4 x 4, being thrown about as the road system wasn’t really a road, more like a dirt track with rocks on. We had hardly slept due to the altitude; we were at 4,500 metres, I had a massive headache; and it felt like my heart was skipping a beat out of every three or four. I couldn’t sleep on the bus, so decided to meditate instead. I’ve been meditating for over 20 years and can pretty much meditate anywhere. I recently did a beautiful meditation to help me keep still in an MRI scanner, so a bumpy jeep was a doddle.

I decided to tune in to Pachamama, or Mother Earth, as we were in the middle of the desert, with the sun rising and nothing to see for miles but rocks and sand.

I first tuned into my breathing and asked Pachamama what I could do about my struggle with the altitude. She replied that, as Bolivians’ lungs were twice the size of ours, all I needed to do was expand mine. ‘Relax, expand and breathe’ I heard.

So I did.

And my struggles eased. They didn’t go completely, but I was much more comfortable.

The next part of the meditation was a bird’s eye view of my whole life; my family, my friends, my marriage, my business. I am very good at practising gratitude, but perhaps at the micro level – the good things that have happened that day or that week. This was a helicopter view, of how wonderful and amazing it was to live my life at this time.

Over the years I have created many vision boards, and many of the things I wanted have happened… not overnight, but over a year or two. In this meditation I realised that every time I created a vision board, I had reaffirmed the wonderful life I already had. I have an amazing family, wonderful friends, a beautiful marriage and a business I am super proud of, but over the years I had made all of these my priority. They are so precious to me, but I had been the co-creator of this by giving them my time, energy and attention.

I have the energy of a small child and really good health. For sure I have the odd issue or a grumpy day (which I’m sure those around me find funny as they are so rare), but since a debilitating stroke 14 years ago I have really focused on my health, wellbeing and energy levels.

I was then shown my book.

Do you think, with the life I have created, that I have a message to share? Do you think that perhaps, someone in my past position or a similar place, might appreciate some helpful words? Do you think that perhaps it was time to listen to the advice I give everyone else?

When we arrived at the Stone Tree, I realised this was a magical place.

This place was in the middle of a desert surrounded by five volcanoes. The effects of various eruptions millions of years ago and the movement of tectonic plates had created a garden of rocks. The altitude of this place, combined with winds of up to one hundred miles per hour and temperatures of down to minus twenty had eroded away these rocks to create amazing shapes. You could just look around, take a few snaps and get back in the car, or you could look deeper and see the shapes of camels and faces of the ancients.

This place reminded me of Sedona, Arizona; somewhere very close to my heart and a big part of my spiritual awakening (more on that later). Within minutes I had climbed one of the rocks, easily. It seemed my lung expanding meditation had worked! As I stood there looking around, I remembered how vast this planet really is, but also how small I had been playing. How time and nature never stand still, the land is always evolving and changing and whether we like it or not, so are we. We could be doing joyful activities, building relationships that nurture us and work that fulfils us. Or we could be head down in a world of busy, never questioning whether there is a better way.

It was on top of that rock, in that moment, that I decided to start my book.

Why you should read this book

In this book I will share some of my story; of how I discovered myself after life had lost me. This isn’t an autobiography, but I feel this bit is important to set the scene.

Maybe you picked this book up out of curiosity, perhaps you are the type of person that loves to learn new things and hear new theories.

Perhaps you are at a turning point in your life, you have made some big changes and want to explore what is next for you.

Or perhaps everything ‘seems’ ok. You love your family, you’re happy in your job and have everything you need… but it feels like there’s something missing. You laugh, but not to your soul. You connect, but not deeply enough. You like yourself, but you can’t look in the mirror and know that you fully love yourself.

Or maybe it’s a bit of all three.

I’m a big believer in synchronicity, so for me if you are reading these words, there is a message for you and I would love to know what this book does for you.

You can start from the beginning and read through this book in linear fashion, or you can dip into a chapter that calls you. This is your time; this is your book. You do you. I hope as you go through, you experience an ‘aha’ moment, or write a few notes. Perhaps a few days after reading a passage, something happens and you react in a different way. I would love that.

This book is not written to look pretty on your shelf. This book is written to get coffee stained, to become dog eared, to start stories of your own adventures. Make it your own, I even give you permission to turn down the corners… not really! Okay, you can, but maybe try to look for a bookmark first.

Oh, and don’t let the title put you off – I say no one can save you, but of course if you were dangling from a cliff, or in a burning building then of course someone can - in the moment. The kind of ‘saving’ I mean is in a sustaining, ‘meaning of life’ kind of way.

Nothing scary will happen by reading this book. However, if you absorb the messages woven through it, I will warn you, magic may happen.

Nicky’s Tips To Save Yourself

Tip Two

Take back your power

Holding onto anger allows the person you’re angry at to maintain their power over you. Getting rid of negative emotions sets you free from them.

(Thanks to Emma Rowles for remembering this one)

CHAPTER ONE

THE WORLD IS NOT A SAFE PLACE

My world appeared to be a very safe place.

I had a lovely childhood filled with love and laughter. My mum and dad clearly adored each other, and my brother and I were treasured. We didn’t want for anything; any money worries as we were growing up were hidden and my parents worked hard to provide for us. Our house was always full of friends and laughter. From dancing around on a Sunday morning, to time spent with our grandparents and cousins. Our family was close knit and in particular I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents. Nan was so very wise, with a sense of mischief and I could do no wrong in her eyes.

As a stroppy teenager I would always find refuge at her house, armed with a rock cake and a cup of tea everything always seemed ok again. Gramp was a man of very few words, content to watch the world go by and smile at us all. If ever you needed anything mending, he would pop off to his shed for a bit of ‘doings’. I have so much love for these amazing grandparents, who marvelled at everything I did. It’s making my eyes teary just thinking about them and if I can be half the grandparent they were then I’m doing a great job.

We had family holidays and made so many memories we still tell the stories of today.

I was born in Bath and went to local schools. I made friends and I’m delighted to say I keep in touch with a few special friends from that time, today. I left school with O levels and got a job at Midland Bank. Again, I made friends and spent my time there progressing through the ranks.

When I was sixteen and still at school, I met my future husband. He was funny, handsome and appeared very confident. From our very first meeting he made me feel special. He was always calling me (on the landline, that had a cord so you had to sit in the hall to chat – in public). At the end of every date, he wanted to arrange the next and I thought I was the luckiest girl alive.

He wanted to get married and have children and so did I. We laughed a lot, spent every spare moment together and I didn’t notice or think about the red flag moments for a second.

When he got protective or asked about my every movement, he told me that it wasn’t me he didn’t trust, it was everyone else. Soon I absorbed the subtle message that the world was not a safe place for me.

When we argued, it would often end in him hitting something or breaking something. Once he punched the fence next to my head. Nope, still no red flags, as I got an apology and he said he couldn’t carry on living unless I stayed with him.

Of course, in 2024, knowing what I know now I would know that this is typical narcissistic and coercive control behaviour born out of his own trauma and upbringing. I would like to think that 2024 Nicky would have ended the relationship immediately.

But I come from a family of carers and problem solvers and I thought that, if I loved him enough he would grow out of it.

He didn’t.

When we had our first daughter he danced in the street with delight, doted on her and was happy to do everything.

When interest rates rose and he was made redundant, we both worked hard to make ends meet.