Escape

By Luis Sousa on Sat, 12/07/2025 - 07:43
Screenplay Type
Film Script
Genre
A General Fiction
Logline or Premise
Shannon Carpenter has lived her whole life behind the closed walls of the Expanded Horizons, an abstinence group that vows to protect its members from a overly sexualized hell known as the Outside world. She's a firm believer and loved by all. However, when Marcia Jones joins the group, her entire belief system, worldview and her own feelings will be turned upside down and she will have to make a choice that will define her and everybody else's lives.
Submission Upload
1121724.pdf
Script Upload
escape.pdf

Comments

Stewart Carry Sat, 26/07/2025 - 12:06

Overall, this is a good excerpt despite the need for further editing. The killing of Lucy feels like the inciting incident and when this is followed by Shannon concealing a knife, it seems that the conflict is about to go through the roof. When that doesn't happen, it somehow feels inevitable and acts as another hook to keep us engaged with the character and what happens next. It's a great way of exercising control over the story-telling so that the conflict doesn't escalate too quickly. The language needs attention, especially in places where the descriptive detail, eg. The dream sequence, needs to be trimmed back.