Following God Across the Page

Introduction

My identical twin sister was in a near death car accident in 2005. God woke me up in the middle of the night with wrenching stomach pain. Then I heard the phone ring. I knew something tragic had happened. My sister survived after many surgeries, but over the years, her nose began to twist from the inside out. This book is a 40 day devotional on how my writing landed my twin and me on the reality tv show, Botched. Each devotional will encourage your faith with testimonies of God’s goodness.

I Don’t Know

The yellow visitor sticker clings to

My shirt. I am a visitor in a dream

World of pain and misery, a hell. I

Walk down the white halls into a

White room with sprawled complaining

Bodies, red blood escaping from their

Broken realities. She lies there,

Moaning through dry crusted lips. No

Pill to numb her torture; No off-button

For my life. The doctors and nurses

Deftly dodge the screams of anguish, life

As usual. They are walking reminders

Of my old life, of her old life.

She holds my hand in delirium.

She doesn’t remember.

She won’t remember,

but I remember. . . .

She asked the doctor if she

Would live, and he looked at me and

Said, “I don’t know.”

Day 1: Power in Writing

In February of 2005, my twin sister was in a near-death car accident. My husband and I, along with our 9-month-old son, drove to the city where they had haloed my sister for trauma surgery. For a few days, I could visit her in the hospital room while my husband stayed in the waiting area with our son. My sister’s lungs had collapsed, and the doctors were unable to perform surgery for 10 days. After a while, my husband needed to return to work. I felt helpless to do anything for my sister. I was nursing my son at the time, and I wasn’t able to take him with me into the hospital room. No babies are allowed in the rooms for fear their young immune systems will be bombarded with sickness. I couldn’t stay with her at nights and try to distract her from the pain. I couldn’t help her use the restroom, eat or bathe. I couldn’t do any of those things that loved ones desire to do for their recovering family members.

I was honestly frustrated with God. I didn’t understand why he allowed this disaster to happen at the worst time possible. I couldn’t take care of my sister the way I wanted to. But I just had to do something to show my love for her, so I wrote the story about her car accident and recovery and sent it in to an editor, compiling a book of true-life short stories entitled God Makes Lemonade. My submission was published in the book, and my sister’s story of overcoming tragedy was shared with others. Little did I know, however, that God would use my gift of writing on behalf of my sister once more. Because of the car accident, the cartilage in her nose was damaged. Slowly over the years, her nose began to twist both inside and out. She went to a local ENT doctor for surgery, but her case was too advance for him, and he was unable to correct her nose.

What could I do to help my sister? Once again, I felt helpless, watching someone I love suffer. I begged God to give me something I could do for her. I went to the computer and did the one thing I knew I was good at: I wrote. I wrote my sister’s story, detailing her situation and heartache. I wept as I wrote every sentence because her story was so heartbreakingly true. I then sent her story to a television show called Botched. I used my gift to help someone I loved in need. Many times, we feel like our gifts can’t help those around us, but God’s imagination is infinite. If He could use a writer to help her sister get corrective nose surgery, He can use anyone’s gifting to complete His will on this earth and to fulfill His promises to His Children. He doesn’t only use preachers, teachers and leaders; He uses those who are crying out to be used. Cry out to God today, and He will use you in ways you can never imagine.

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another” (1 Peter 4.10 NLT).

Father, I believe that You have gifted me with talents and abilities that can be used for Your Kingdom and Your Glory. I desperately want to be used by You. I want to make an impact on this earth and the people around me. I want the legacy I leave to be eternal and to bring Your Kingdom into fruition. Guide me to where I need to go and what I need to do. I won’t limit Your imagination with trying to know everything. I understand that Your ways are higher than my ways, so I will obediently follow You even when it doesn’t make sense in my mind. Please, use me today, Lord. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.

Questions

1. What gifts do you have that can be used by God?
2. Has God led you to do something that didn’t make sense?
3. Was there a time where you felt helpless?

Cry out to be used!

Day 2: Van Tears

My sister was having a particularly bad day in a year filled with difficulty. Her husband had gone oversees for the military and fell in love with someone else, walking away from his marriage of 14 years. She was running a new business. And she was now a single mom of three young kids. On top of it all, she had a twisted nose. As she dropped me off at my house one afternoon, I sat in the passenger seat of her van, listening while she expressed her heartache. I felt like I could do nothing to help her. I couldn’t fix her marriage. I couldn’t fix her business. And I definitely couldn’t fix her damaged nose. When I finally got into my house, I cried out to God, “What can I do for my sister?” I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to write. I walked straight to my computer and did a web search. I remember my sister-in-law telling me a few years back about a show that fixed plastic surgery gone wrong.

My web search instantly led me to the application page for Botched, and I wrote out my sister’s story. After over an hour of writing and editing my sister’s submission form, I finally sent it. I sat at my computer, feeling better that I got my heartache on paper, but also wondering if I had wasted an hour of my time. I’m always mindful of being a good steward of my time, and I didn’t want to waste any moments on something that was not eternally rooted in the Vine of Christ. I went to my prayer closet and grabbed a devotional that I was reading. I opened the book and began to read. The devotional was about Peter chopping off the ear of the High Priest’s assistant. Although the injury would not lead to death, Jesus healed his ear (Luke 22.50-51). I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that He was going to use a doctor to heal my sister’s deformity. Right then and there I had my word from the Lord, and I put all of my faith on His promise. The reply from Botched took about 6 months to receive, but I would constantly tell my sister to lean on my faith. She would have her surgery!

Before we continue along any path, we must receive a word from the Lord. Many obstacles will come our way and we will be tempted to lose our faith, but if God gives us His “yes,” there is nothing that can prevent His will from becoming reality. I know that my sister getting on Botched and having her nose deformity fixed was a long shot, but once I got my “yes” from God, it didn’t matter how long it would take or how many people were applying for the show, I knew that she would get that call. Once we get a word from the Lord, we can run with it. Even if the situation seems impossible, we know that all things are possible through God (Romans 8.28). God will make a way when there is no way because if we are rooted in Him, we will bear His fruit to the world.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15.5 NIV).

Father, I want everything I do to be committed to You—whether it’s work, rest or play—help me to walk in step with Your will and movements. When I seek Your will and I receive a firm word from the Lord, I want to put all my faith into Your “yes.” I know that no matter how impossible my circumstances seem that Your Word overpowers them all. I can do all things that You say I can do through the mighty name of Jesus Christ. And I will not let doubt, worry or fear compromise the faith that I have been given. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.

Questions

1. Do you remember a time that you received a word from the Lord?
2. Have obstacles tried to rob you of your faith?
3. What are you believing God for today?

Believe by Faith!

Day 3: Am I Going to Die

When I finally arrived at the emergency room where my sister was taken after her car accident, I couldn’t believe the state she was in. She was on a gurney in the middle of a large, open white room. There were broken bodies on gurneys all around her. Her hair was matted and her lips were crusted over. She wore a hospital gown, but blood from her accident was still evident all over her body. She writhed in pain and her pupils were fully dilated. The nurses and doctors moved in the daily routine of their job, but it felt like my world had shattered. My sister kept asking me if she was going to die. I would tell her that she was going to live, not die. She would forget only moments later and ask again if she were going to die. I finally asked the doctor moving swiftly by me with his clipboard if my sister would live or not. He simple stated that he didn’t know.

For days after my sister continued to ask if she was going to die. The doctors couldn’t operate because her lungs had collapsed. They put a metal rod through her femur and dangled a weight on the other end, lifting her femur away from her shattered left hip. The wait was excruciating. It felt like her pain would never end and she would stay hurt and broken forever. This is what it felt like during her divorce. She had a car accident of sorts to her life when her husband left her. It felt like the pain and brokenness would never end. In this life, we have pain and heartache. God never promises us a pain-free life because it is the trials that make us stronger. However, God does promise us that though weeping comes, joy will soon follow (Psalm 30.5). We can trust that God is fully capable of using our pain and heartache for His Righteous Will and not one single tear is shed in vain.

Besides several scars and some nerve damage to my sisters left leg, the only obvious sign from her car accident was her nose deformity. I could never imagine while my sister laid on the gurney in the ER that she would have three kids and a productive life. God healed her body, and now He has healed her nose. And God is continuing to heal her emotional wounds from her divorce. She has wept many tears, but I know that God has them all saved, and He will transform every single one to shouts of joy. If we would only trust God with our pain and heartache and make ourselves vulnerable to His work and care, He will heal us. The healing process may take time, and God may use doctors, therapists, and even twin sisters to carry some of the burden; but His hands will bring healing into our lives.

“For He wounds, but He also binds up; He injures, but His hands also heal” (Job 5.18 NIV).

Father, I know that this life has heartache and pain, but it also has joy and healing. I believe that You will carry me through the hard times and care for me during the healing times. I trust Your will over my expectations. I know that You love me and only want the best for me, and You will use the trials of life to make me spiritually strong and more reliant on You. I will not fear because I know that You are always with me. Jesus died, so I could have a relationship with a Holy God and nothing can take that away. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.

Questions

1. What difficult time has God asked you to walk through?
2. How did God provide healing after heartache?
3. Name a time when your mourning was transformed to joy?

Joy follows mourning!

Day 4: Two Dinners

My twin and I have done two reality shows together. It’s interesting to admit that fact. A producer from the show Made came to our church several years ago. The reality show that normally catered to teens was now trying to produce one for adults. When our pastor announced it, I knew God wanted me to apply. I really didn’t want to. The last thing I envisioned for myself was standing in line with everyone else, waiting to talk to the producer. I humbled myself and did what God wanted, and became one of a few people who got to be on the show. I was transformed from a writer to a fighter, and after eight weeks of brutal training, I won my cage fight with a TKO (technical knockout) in a little over a minute. My twin got to be a part of the show, and she supported me while I trained. However, just before my episode aired, the show was canceled. I had worked so hard, but I trusted God with the results. I had this odd sense that I would be on another reality show.

I was not thinking about being on a reality TV show when I submitted my sister’s application for Botched. I just wanted her to have some kind of silver lining in her year of heartache. During the six-month wait to see if she was chosen for the show, God gave me many Scriptures to boost my faith. One Old Testament story in particular resonated with me. The Book of Esther details a queen whom God used to save the Israelites. I was intrigued by the two dinners she had with her husband (the king) and Haman (her enemy). During the first dinner, nothing happened. God didn’t move, so she requested another dinner. Before the second dinner, God moved profoundly in the heart of the king, and he was ready to respond to Queen Esther’s appeal to save her people. Why two dinners? I realized that the first dinner prepared Esther for the second dinner when God would finally move.

My first reality TV show experience prepared me for the one I would do for my twin. During the first one, I felt insecure and I put the show’s interest above God’s. Reality TV was new to me, and I didn’t want to disappoint or offend anyone. I talked about Jesus a lot, but I allowed myself to worry and be anxious about what the production team wanted and thought. During the second show, I knew better. God is the ultimate Authority. He is the One who opens and shuts doors. I knew it was God who was working on behalf of my sister to get her nose fixed. He was revealing His great love for her during her time of trial. I committed to Botched fully aware that God was the One who had chosen my sister, and this time I got to be the one who supported her while the camera was rolling. I realized that many times God gives us a practice round before the real moment arises. He knows the appointment time is significant, so He allows us to have a test run first.

“If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” (Esther 4.14 NLT).

Father, don’t let me miss the opportunities that You are presenting me with today. I have experienced in the past disappointments and my expectations were not met, but those times were practice rounds to prepare me for a time of significance and change. I pray for encouragement from Your Word, the Bible. I need my faith boosted from all the times I felt like I walked into a dead-end. I trust that You are orchestrating a mighty move of Your glory, and I want to be ready when the time is right. I want to be used for Your Kingdom Plan, so I will let go of my own expectations. I trust that Your plan is way bigger than what I can think or imagine. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.

Questions

1. Have you experienced a time when your expectations weren’t met?
2. Can you recall God giving you a practice run before the real thing?
3. How is God preparing you for something awesome?

God opens all doors!

Day 5: The Date

I was a little disappointed that my first reality TV episode didn’t air, but I knew God wouldn’t let it happen without His consent. When the producer told me that they were canceling the show, he was surprised that I didn’t get upset. But I believed that my hard work was not done in vain. I felt God tell me that He was saving my efforts for a different time, and I trusted Him at His word. A few years later, I went to God. I asked Him to give me some ray of hope that He was still holding my efforts in His hands. I had given up all my personal dreams in pursuit of the promises He made me. I didn’t want to compromise my faith, but I needed some kind of sign that He was still with me. I felt in my spirit the date, December 23, and right then and there, I placed my faith on that date. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that God would do something amazing on that day.

As the date came closer, I began to get excited. I knew God was about to move! Maybe I would get a publisher. Maybe someone with a platform would share one of my books. Maybe all the years and tens of thousands of hours spent writing for God alone at my computer would finally reap a harvest. I couldn’t wait! However, the day came and nothing happened. I was heartbroken. I ran to my prayer closet the next day and prayed to God and asked Him what happened. I felt Him say into my spirit that it was a year too early. I had already waited many years, so I guess I could wait one more. I just begged the Lord to let it be a few days early. I couldn’t bear getting to December 23 again without something happening.

The following year, my family and I were on a Disney Cruise just before Christmas. We didn’t have Internet connection. Towards the end of the trip, I wondered how my sister was doing. I decided to purchase Wi-Fi just for an hour to catch up with her. When my phone was connected, I instantly received several texts from her. She wrote in caps and lots of exclamation marks that she was chosen to be on Botched. That day was December 21. If I would have waited until our ship ported, I would have received the news December 23. God answered my plea and moved two days early. Watching my sister’s story unfold has poured so much power into my faith. I know without any doubt that God is alive, active and attentive to His children. We just need to listen for Him and put our faith in every word He whispers into our spirit.

“For the word of the LORD holds true, and we can trust everything he does” (Psalm 33.4 NLT).

Father, help me to listen while You speak to my spirit. I know the Holy Spirit can share specific details about Your plan with me. I want to read the Bible and pray to You, so I can continually get better at hearing and distinguishing the sound of Your Voice. I know that You desire to be alive, active and attentive in my life. Move mightily in me today. Show me just one small detail of Your plan for my life. I need a vision of what You are trying to accomplish, so I know that I’m on the right path. I understand that You won’t reveal everything to me because You want me to have faith, but You do delight in encouraging and motivating me. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.

Questions

1. What is one thing God has revealed to you?
2. Have you ever been disappointed by a closed door?
3. When has God moved mightily in your life?

Listen for God’s voice!