Enough Is Enough: An Addict's Guide to Self In-Power-Ment

PREFACE

I never went to an addiction meeting to get help overcoming and freeing myself from the power of addiction.

I know this may surprise some when they learn what addictions I overcame. The Social Worker assigned to my case with my first pregnancy in 2011 was taken aback by it.

One of the last urine samples I took during my third trimester came up positive for meth due to a mix-up when I left my urine sample in the same bathroom container as someone else's urine.

Though I felt uneasy, I thought everything would be alright because the nurses and technicians would know whose sample was whose.

So, imagine my surprise when I returned for my next appointment, and the nurse told me that my urine was positive for meth. I cried in disbelief. I hadn't touched that stuff since high school and was afraid to do it even back then. Afterward, I began to worry about what would happen to my son after I had him.

My son was born on November 9, 2011. Before the hospital released me, a Social Worker came to see us to ensure I wasn't on drugs, to see if I was a fit parent, and if my son would be in a healthy and safe environment after leaving the hospital.

So, of course, one of the questions she asked me was if I had any addictions. I told her I used to have an addiction to crack 2-3 years ago.

She then proceeded to ask me how I quit.

Boldly and confidently, I said, "God."

Y'all, this lady just looked at me like I was crazy. She couldn't believe it. So then, after she sat there in total shock and silence for a minute or two, she continued her interview.
Thankfully, she deemed me a fit mother and our son was safe to go home with us. Not like I needed her to confirm that. I innerstood the process, though, and was glad it was over.

Fast forward to the present.

In August 2019, I went to an A.A. meeting for the first time to help someone, which allowed me to observe the attendees introduce themselves.

Now, I had an idea of what people say when they introduce themselves in these meetings;

Hi, My name is_____, and I Am a(n)____.

I've seen the movies, and TV shows, picked up conversations here and there for me to N.O.E.E. with my Natural Observers Eyes and Ears. My husband, who has been to meetings for an addiction he was going through, shared his personal feelings and thoughts when he introduced himself.

Now I know being aware of something is one thing. However, when you experience something personally, it impacts you differently and changes you. It can open your eyes, brain, and heart more than before.

That's what happened to me. When I was in that room experiencing the introduction part first hand, seeing it with my own eyes, hearing it with my ears, feeling it with my energy, how the people claimed their addiction as themselves. I was shocked because of my innerstanding of the power and meaning of the words "I AM" and what one says after it.

My first thought was? Why do they allow people to keep claiming, calling themselves, and speaking on themselves of BEing that addiction?

When the group facilitator inquired if anyone in the back wanted to introduce themselves, which included me, I kept quiet because I was still in shock. I didn't want to claim the addiction that I experienced as me.

I finished helping with the food and left the building with more thoughts, ideas, questions, solutions, and inspiration than when I went in.

That experience is one of my inspirations and motivations to continue to write about Addiction differently, by revealing Addiction, in a new light that will help people have unique, regained, and reclaimed IN-SIGHT.

I had an insight into my journey of overcoming the addiction to crack and cigarettes combined.

Using my gift of analyzing, seeing things from different angles, and making connections to where they connected with me to see what was changed, where I needed change, and how I could do it.

And this book you are reading right now is a guide, a process I went through to overcome and free myself from the power of addiction and control its effects by remembering, acknowledging, and using the power I have inside me.

I'm not saying it was easy. It was challenging and still is at times. The thoughts, pain, relief, ease of letting go and giving in to withdrawals, mistakes, setbacks, memories, and so much more come with quitting and changing. To-Do and be better; to not go back and to keep moving forward.

It was worth it, though. Because I was, I AM worth it. And I want you to know that You Are Worth It too!!

I hope that my book will help you to remember your power and to give you assistance on how you can reclaim your power back if you ever felt that you’ve lost it when you need it, want it, or if someone told you that you don’t have any power or control over yourself, or what you’re going through.

This book is a guide to help you remember that you have the power of self-empowerment, with space to add notes in the back.

So thank you for choosing me to connect with to help you on your journey of overcoming the addiction experience that you are going through.

And thank you for choosing you.

Peace. Strength. Truth. Darkness. Light. Guidance. Love. And POWER to You and on Your Journey. ~~~

Always remember there is Peace In Your Blood,

Angelica Stevenson

PART 1

"Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum." -- General Publius Flavius Vegetius Renatus

CHAPTER 1: MY NAME IS ANGELICA

"I can do this."

"I can beat this."

"No, that's not true."

"I am strong."

"I don't need it."

"I am not this addiction."

These are words that I had said in my times of battling the power of Addiction when he was telling me otherwise because before when I would agree. And say that I am what he says I am. I lost a battle inside of me.

I could feel it and would continue that addiction, if not more challenging. As a result, I was more dedicated to it by either smoking more than usual or spending more money, time, and energy than usual.

And that was a way that I was proving Addiction was right. That was a way I was helping him to establish he was right and in control, which was also one way I let and allowed Addiction to keep his power over me, my soul, my brain, my heart, and my body. So addiction had all my bases covered.

So though I may not have gone to any meetings, I had in common with those who claimed the addiction as themselves—agreeing with Addiction.

Until I remembered who I Am.

I claimed it and repeated it as needed until I quieted Addiction's voice, letting me know I won that round because my power overcame his.

That is why it is so important to know who you are. To remember who you were. To remember what you wanted to do before you met Addiction. No matter what Addiction may say or have you think contrary to it. You've got to remind yourself and Addiction of who you are.

Below is a picture of me during my addiction journey to crack. It was taken in 2009 when I went to my sister's house for a Sister Night Out with my three eldest sisters. We gave each other makeovers and talked. My addiction to crack was not one of the things I talked about. But my mind was on it the whole time, hoping that Bonnie saved some for me when I returned.

I was there and not there at the same time.

Continue reading to see the "After" picture when I remembered who I was so I could walk, live, and breathe in my freedom from addiction.

(Image in the book)

CHAPTER 2: I AM AN ADDICT

"Am I an addict?"

"Do I have an addiction?"

Questions I've asked myself—truths I've had to face.

What is an addict?

The first types of addictions that came to my brain were drugs and alcohol because that was mainstream and common.

Later in life, I heard about other addicts like workaholics, collecting, shopping, eating, sex, etc.

So what is an addict? What does it mean to be an addict? Since the type of addiction that someone could have didn't include drugs and alcohol anymore.

To find the answer to that question. I went to the Online Etymology Dictionary to learn the origins of the word "Addict."

And what I found confirmed what I knew internally and spiritually.

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1. Addict (n.):

"One given over to some practice," 1909, first in reference to morphine from addict (v.).

2. Addict (v.):

1530s, (implied in addicted) "to devote or give up (oneself) to a habit or occupation," from Latin addictus, past particle of addicere, "to deliver, award, yield; make over, sell," properly.....

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After reading these two etymologies of the word “addict,” I had to decide what to give myself over to. What did I want to devote my time, energy, money, and life to?

When it came to smoking cigarettes, I had to ask myself, “Do I want to continue to rely and depend on a cigarette to calm me down, give me peace, and clear my head?” Or do I want to learn how to be my peace and calm myself down that didn’t involve a self-destructive action, a secret, a shame, or guilt that I kept from my children and others if they happened to see me?

When it came to crack, the answer was definitely NO. However, when it came to cigarettes, I struggled with it, to be honest.

Now though, it's about managing myself with control and my power.

Because I knew I didn’t need to smoke, I could quit smoking and be okay without it. It was just a path I would run to when I stopped having patience with myself.

When I didn’t take the time and energy for myself and didn't use my power.

Then I would give my power to Addiction to do what I needed. I became caught up in the grasp of Addiction's effects on me until I learned how to recognize Addiction in my life, actions, words, choices, thoughts, and responses.

Until I learned how to innerstand Addiction for myself, who and what he was and is to me, to reclaim my power and overcome him when I needed to and wanted to.

So instead of being an addict to smoking, I would be an addict to myself. My goals. My dreams. My gifts. My peace. My strength. My power.

Becoming an addict to yourself is something that I hope to help you learn how to do and how not just to understand Addiction by standing under him. But how to innerstand Addiction, how he is to you on and in the inside of you.

So that when you are ready, you will be able to reclaim your power to overcome him.

CHAPTER 3: INNERSTANDING ADDICTION

In the Preface, I mentioned I wanted to help you overcome addiction by showing addiction in a new light. Give you a new angle to look at it that could help change your perception and point of view about addiction so you can overcome it.

By helping you have a knowing from within, inside of yourself to stand on. Hence the word innerstanding=inner-standing.

If you haven't noticed, I've already begun doing that by transferring or transforming Addiction into a noun, a "He." I PERSONalized him. Also known as personifying him.

Why??

It made it easier to defeat the addiction when I was able to see and think of Addiction as a person. A person who was against me. A person who kept me down or kept me back from doing what I wanted to do and being who I wanted to be.

A person I let have power and control over me.

It made overcoming Addiction more attainable in my brain and my heart. Because I innerstood that I had let go of myself. I relinquished my power and control over to someone else. And in doing so, I realized that I could reclaim it back.

And I know that by seeing, thinking, and having a perception of Addiction as a "He," a person could help others with their journey of overcoming their addictions, understand it better, be more accountable to themselves, and not just have the understanding that it's a medical condition or disease that sometimes is as an excuse, justification, or forever powerless against it.

That addiction is something that could be internally understood, and internally analyzed, which can lead to internal awareness and consciousness. That can then lead to inner triumph and victory.

Because if anything, I do agree that addiction, whatever yours is, can and does create an imbalance within oneself. Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, Spiritually, Financially, Socially, Sexually, Professionally, Medically, Family, and Romantically. Which is all part of you PERSONally and your life.

These are "The 12 Areas of Life", which is in Level 2 from my Higher Connections & Communications Program, that you need to know for yourself to change it.

This imbalance is similar to other situations that I've had and have experienced from others telling me, hearing it, or seeing it for me.

Some Examples:

A disrespectful boss keeps popping off at the mouth, and you've put up with it as long as you could to stay professional and keep your job. Until one day, you've had enough, and you go off on them (going off looks different for everyone).

Or let's say a child who dreams of being an artist, however afraid at first to let down his parents of being a doctor or a lawyer. Until that child realizes it's their life, they must live out their dreams. The child refuses to stay caged, buried, in darkness anymore.

Ever had a partner your family and friends didn't like or didn't want you to be with, which motivated you to be with them more?

A job you finally decided to quit to pursue your passion, your goals, your dreams, or your purpose.

Or that person who finally realized that they would be better alone than staying with their mentally, emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive partner.

Though these scenarios are different and have different dynamics, they all have individuals who believed in themselves, who learned and remembered that they had the power to stand up for themselves and change their lives.

These individuals learned they had control and power over themselves, their lives, and not someone else.

There was an imbalance within that they needed to take action to tip the scales of their life back into a position of balance and peace. And to do that, they had to search within to remember who they were, what they wanted, and their power to decide, choose, change, and take action.

Seeing Addiction as a "He" is a perception to help you own up to your actions, choices, and, most importantly, your power by getting back to you.

Not the you that was shaped, molded, or programmed by the environment, circumstances, or the people around you.

Changing your perception can help you get back you, your soul, your purpose, your missions, your gifts, and talents, who you were born in the first place.

So just like these scenarios, once you've had enough of Addiction, his power. The havoc, chaos, control, and change he's done and caused in your life.

No matter how scary, unsure, unknown, or unseen the future might be. That uncertainty won't matter because what matters, what is more important, is that you'll be facing it—walking towards it and in it, with Freedom and Power.

CHAPTER 4: POWERPOINTS

Have you ever played a fighting game? My favorites are old-school Mortal Kombat, Soul Calibur II on Xbox, Tekken 6, and Tekken 7.

Sometimes, the player gets points for combos or power moves in fighting games. And with other games, you can get more points for hitting a specific spot on your opponent.

Or earn back your life with a unique weapon. Like Talim in Soul Calibur II. She was one of my fighters, amongst "My Bitches", as I called them.

My favorite weapons were the ones where she could either:

1. Take much of your life and lose a bit of hers with each swing.

2. Take a lot of your life with a hit.

3. Take your life while giving her life back with each impact.

The downside of one of these weapons is that it would still take your life if you swung but didn't land a hit. If your opponent hit you and you blocked it, your life would go down too. So I had to learn how to strategically and quickly land hits, combos, block, grab, and circle my opponent efficiently.

That's how Addiction is, and that's what Addiction does.

When it came to my actions as I battled the addiction to crack,
I got that rush to want to smoke more and get more. I was more hyperactive and energetic than usual. I talked more too. I had the illogical thinking of using my money to pay for it instead of bills, making paycheck advances that put me in debt—overdrawing my bank accounts.

Or when I thought about quitting smoking cigarettes, I felt it was my last smoke, or I wanted to quit. I got nervous, worried.

My brain started to overload, thinking about how I would be okay. I can be okay.