Black Snow

Other submissions by Steve Sloan:
If you want to read their other submissions, please click the links.
The Spiv (Drama, Screenplay Award 2023)
Genre
Drama
Screenplay Award Sub-Category
Film Script
Award Category
Screenplay Award 2023
Logline or Premise
Barnsley 1860s. A decimated family. A widow determined to improve safety at the colliery before her ten-year-old son, now the primary breadwinner is left to the mercy of deadly practices in the mine. The mine Manager has no intentions of helping her and suggests another way of solving her problems.
Submission file
Black Snow (first ten pages).pdf

Comments

Felicity Wren Fri, 04/08/2023 - 21:07

The script is very skilled in painting a vivid picture of the conditions for people mining in the late 1800's. I particularly enjoyed the scene with Davey on page 3 - this was incredibly evocative of the terror, dark and danger.

Overall the script needs a sweep for missing words and typos, and although we have a good set up of the family with Kate, William and John, and the corruption of Tusker, it needs to move a little faster for me. We have the same scene played out with Kate and William without learning much more when we revisit it.

Barri Evins Sat, 19/08/2023 - 08:22

Engaging and cinematic. Builds narrative interest in the opening pages. Some solid visuals, lean and evocative with a nice use of subtext to add depth and emotion.

Continent
Europe