A Day on the Brine

2025 Young Or Golden Writer
Book Cover Image
Logline or Premise
With the wind in her hair and the salt tickling her nose, a Captain heads out for a day on the brine.

A story within a story, rhythm, rhyme, and repetition introduces life forms found in the Indian Ocean, while the imaging hints at the cycle of life.
First 10 Pages - 3K Words Only

Spread 04-05

A big blue boat

Is out on the brine,

And what do you think she sees?

Spread 06-07

A captain brave,

On a big bow wave,

That’s what the blue boat sees.

A captain brave,

Is out on the brine,

And what do you think she sees?

Spread 08-09

A bird large and white,

That flies with delight,

That’s what the captain sees.

A bird big and white,

Is over the brine,

And what do you think he sees?

Spread 10-11

[Illustration note: An albatross is diving into the water. A shy squid hides and watches. The captain of the Big Blue Boat is immersed in watching the action.]

Spread 12-13

A squid pink and shy,

That peeks at the sky,

That’s what the white bird sees.

A squid pink and shy,

Is out in the brine,

And what do you think he sees?

Children's Picture Book, Graphic Comic Book or Other Illustrated Book
Compelling Characters
0
Quality of Writing
0
Storyline Potential
0

Comments

Stewart Carry Wed, 21/05/2025 - 18:00

There's no question in my mind that the illustrations tend to dwarf the importance of the verse. I completely get what the writer is trying to achieve here but is there enough to keep a young reader engaged? The illustrations are so detailed and colourful, they really invite more comment; more speculation and conversation. What else besides the viewpoint of the different 'characters' could be included? It feels like a work in progress rather than the finished article but it does look very promising so far.