The Magic Campervan, Book 2 - The Entelodont's Skull

Chapter 1

LONDON HEATHROW AIRPORT

Heathrow airport was packed with all shapes, sizes and colours of people and baggage. Alfie involuntarily sniffed the air as Jo and David ushered him into a queue that coiled around and along to Passport Control. Alfie’s big nose always smelled too much. He held onto it as unwashed feet and black tea drifted up his nostrils. But today he didn’t really mind. They had finally arrived. This would be the beginning of their long-awaited family holiday in Europe. They were hiring a campervan and travelling to a dinosaur world in Spain for his birthday, and collecting as many fossils as possible along the way. Alfie had counted the days down for seven months on his dinosaur calendar.

‘What time is it?’ Alfie asked in a nasal voice, still holding onto his nose.

‘Nine am London time. Still the middle of the night at home.’ David said, towering above Alfie. He brushed Alfie’s dark curly hair away from his eyes with his long gentle fingers.

Jo shoved their hand luggage forward with his black and silver sneakers. Jo, or João (pronounced Jo-ow as in cow), his father, had been born in Portugal. David, his other father, was from San Francisco, which is where they all lived.

That was far out. It was morning here even though it would still be dark in San Francisco. They had travelled forward in time. That meant he was nearer his birthday. He would be ten. He was so excited he let go of his nose.

‘It’s my birthday soon!’

‘It’s still another week, Alfie!’

‘But I’m a day nearer. There’s eight hours in a working day and we’ve just jumped forward a day.’

‘That’s kind of true.’ David and Jo looked at each other and nodded as if they’d never even thought of that. Grown-ups could be so slow.

‘England looked so small from the airplane. I can’t imagine dinosaurs here,’ Alfie said.

‘No, me too,’ Jo said, yawning. ‘This line is never end.’

Even though his father had lived in San Francisco for eight years now, Jo still didn’t speak good English.

‘Me neither,’ Alfie whispered.

‘Same thing,’ said Jo.

Alfie knew better than to argue.

‘They were everywhere, Alfred,’ said David. ‘Remember the world was different then. America was joined to Africa, Europe and India. It was one big land mass.’

‘Pangaea,’ said Alfie, moving forward. Alfie had a book on dinosaurs. Several in fact.

‘That’s right, I think.’ David sounded impressed. ‘Hey, we’re nearly there.’

Alfie had been born in London so he could have had a UK passport but a Portuguese one was better for Europe, apparently. A smiley officer with a moving moustache asked him what it was like to have two daas. Alfie’s eyes opened wide and he smiled. He had no idea what the man meant.

‘Yur a lucky bairn. I didnae have one. How long are ye stayin?’ the man asked.

‘Three weeks but we’re not staying long in the UK. We’re planning on travelling to Portugal and Spain,’ explained David.

‘A wee warmer. Have a nice jonnie.’ He smiled and gave them their passports back.

They all laughed politely and went to find their luggage.

‘What’s daas?’ Alfred asked.

‘I guess he meant ‘dads’,’ David said, shaking his head, putting his arm around Alfie.

‘What about ‘jonnie’?’

‘Journey.’

‘It’s way different.’

‘It’s Scottish. From Scotland.’

Alfie wasn’t sure where Scotland was but the man had sounded nice and he had said ‘wee’.

Alfie bounced his suitcase behind him, pretending it was a triceratops.

‘Don’t mess about, Alfie,’ Jo said. ‘We are in the city.’

Alfie didn’t say anything, even though they were in an airport, not a city. Another adult problem. They always thought they were right when they weren’t. But he calmed his triceratops and zig-zagged his way out into the grey drizzle. David fastened his three-quarter length black wool coat and wrapped his creamy cashmere scarf around him, before bending down to close Alfie’s dark red coat. Jo strode ahead, his leather jacket flapping open. Cars and taxis hogged the sidewalk. They followed some signs to the different car hire companies. Alfie ran his hand through some orange plastic tape that sectioned off some roadworks. It felt cool and smooth and smelled of sweaty hands,

‘Alfie! Did you not hear me?’ His father turned round to face him, frowning. His eyes grew darker as the twinkle went out.

Alfie gave the tape another swipe. He couldn’t help it. It felt good. His father came towards him. Alfie charged around the trolleys imagining he was escaping from a T-Rex.

‘Hey, there it is!’ David said, pointing.

Alfie stopped, hoping to see a dinosaur but David was pointing at campervans parked up in an enclosed area. Alfie’s gaze narrowed to a girl about his age and a younger boy in front of a very strange-looking silvery camper. The boy was sitting down on the path reading something. The girl looked into the distance as if waiting for someone. When she saw him, she stared so hard that he looked down at the concrete in front of him. He tried not to talk to other children. They were always mean about his nose. Animals were nicer. Sometimes he wished he had a friend but, mostly, he wanted a pet.

‘Hello,’ said the girl, bounding over to him like a big cat. Her purple sneakers hardly seemed to touch the ground. Alfie waited for her to pounce but she stopped in front of him. The boy jumped up and followed her.

Alfie looked first at David, and then at Jo. Were these distant cousins? The smell of diesel and… and… snow… filled his nostrils.

They both shrugged and said ‘hello’ to the girl.

Alfie kicked the concrete.

‘Diz qualquer coisa!’ his father said. ‘Say something!’

But Alfie said nothing. He didn’t know what to say. He could feel his face reddening.

‘You must excuse us, we have had a long journey,’ apologised David to the girl.

‘I understand. Where from?’ the girl asked.

‘We’re from San Francisco in California, United States and we’re going to Portugal.’

A loud bang followed by a slow farting sound, like a balloon letting out air, came out of the camper’s exhaust. Alfie looked up and held his nose.

Chapter 2

MERIDA

‘Oh, ignore her,’ the girl said.

Her? Alfie thought. Strange to call a campervan ‘her’. At least, in English. In Portuguese it would be normal.

‘Sound like the campervan got problems,’ Jo said, scowling.

‘Oh no, she has no problems. She is the best. You will have an amazing time in Portugal. Portuguese is phonetic, you know – once you know the alphabet.’

‘And ‘autocaravana’ is a “she”,’ said Alfie suddenly. ‘Ela.’

‘Is it?’ said the girl. ‘That’s interesting. In English, it’s an “it”. But Merida is a she.’

Jo shook his head. ‘What are you two talking? I’m Portuguese. This is Alfie, our son,’ said Jo. ‘He also speak some Portuguese.’

‘Some?’ said David sharply. ‘He’s fluent!’

‘Hello Alfie. My name is Zoe. And this is Vincent. And this is…’ Zoe turned towards the camper and stopped.

Alfie looked at Zoe. Her dark eyes smiled at him. At that moment, the door to the campervan swished open on its own.

‘This is your camper, I think!’ declared Zoe.

Jo frowned. ‘I don’t think so…We ask for something big.’

‘She is big. What do you think, Vincent?’ Zoe asked.

Vincent nodded. ‘I will show you, Alfie!’ He bounced inside as if he had sprung from a trampoline. He was also wearing strange shoes.

Alfie hesitated one micro second, ignoring the angry words brewing between his dads, before clambering in after Vincent. Vincent began opening cupboards, showing him what was inside. Zoe called that she would be back and bounced towards the mobile office like a kangaroo.

‘Look!’ said Vincent.

‘Wow!’ Alfie said, staring into a cupboard full of dinosaurs. He bent down and started to pull them out. Stegosaurus, Iguanodon, Ankylosaurus, Allosaurus, Megalosaurus, Styracasaurus, Pterodactyl, T-Rex, Triceratops, Apatosaurus and one he didn’t even know the name of. It looked like a giant wild pig.

‘What’s this one?’ he asked Vincent.

‘Hm. I’m not sure,’ said Vincent.

The two boys began to play with the dinosaurs re-enacting battles. Roar! ROAR! Vincent had an impressive roar, Alfie thought.

‘Alfie!’ said his father, thrusting his head into the camper to roar. ‘The camper is not ours. Come out.’

Just then Zoe leapt out of the office and kangarooed back to the camper. A man in old jeans came out behind her and walked over to the little group.

‘Hello there. Jo Barroso and David King Barroso? I have been asked to deliver this camper to Barcelona by the end of May. In twelve days. I know you wanted a slightly bigger Hymer but as you were wanting to leave the camper in Barcelona anyway, I can offer it to you for free as long as you deliver it. And she is much better and worth far more than a Hymer.’

Alfie couldn’t believe their luck. He knew they didn’t have much money since his dads’ business had crashed. They were only here as this was a trip they had planned a year ago. David and Jo looked questioningly at each other.

Jo shook his head. ‘Why does someone borrow us their campervan?’

Alfie twisted the Pterodactyl’s long wings.

‘Well, think of it as payment for taking it to Barcelona,’ the man said. A smile broke onto his face. ‘These little people have just come back from the north of England in her. They will vouch for her.’

‘Iceland actually,’ said Zoe, jumping out of the camper. ‘Yes, she is the best!’

‘Iceland? Really? We’ve just flown over Iceland.’ David said. ‘In fact, we’ve just flown over Greenland as well and we could see the curvature of the earth.’

‘What’s that?’ asked Vincent.

‘It’s when you see the world like a football, you know.’

‘Wow. We didn’t see that. We were too close to the sea,’ said Vincent.

‘But we went on the fastest snow slide in the world,’ Zoe said.

‘Cool!’ said David. ‘So, is it your campervan?’

‘Not exactly,’ Zoe said. ‘We just went on a journey.’

Alfie didn’t say anything. He wouldn’t look at his father. He was going to say ‘no’. He could feel it.

‘It sounds like it has problem with engine,’ said Jo.

‘Oh, she has no problems,’ said the man. ‘She’s a beaut, she is.’

Jo stepped out and began to walk around the campervan.

‘I didn’t know you could take a ferry to Iceland,’ said David to Zoe. ‘That must have been awesome.’

‘We didn’t. But it was.’

‘We made friends with a troll,’ added Vincent. Zoe nudged him.

‘A troll?’ asked David. ‘What kind of troll?’

‘A naughty one,’ said Vincent. ‘He turned out good though.’

‘Oh, that’s awesome. Are you here on your own?’

‘Of course not,’ said Zoe. ‘We are children. Our mums are over there!’

Alfie saw two women chatting on the sidewalk. The two women waved to them and shouted something that Alfred didn’t understand. They started coming over. His father also rejoined them.

‘So, would you like to take it?’ the man asked. ‘I just need your name and address so I can arrange your insurance.’

His dads moved away and started discussing the campervan. Jo did not look happy. Alfie could see him shaking his head and saying ‘not a good idea’.

Alfie felt a ball of anger rolling around his body getting bigger and bigger. He was always saying ‘no’. No to sweets. No to chocolates. No to video games. No to television. No to iPad. No to a dog. No to a goldfish. It was a miracle they were here. Alfie suspected it was thanks to David.

‘No,’ said Jo, coming back. ‘We don’t know if we have the time to go to Spain now.’

This time Alfie roared louder than a T-Rex. They were going to the dinosaur park for his birthday. It was all planned. Before he knew what he was doing he was running to his father and pummelling him in the back. His father swiftly grabbed him and held both his arms together in front of him.

‘Não fazes isso!’ he said, squeezing his wrists.

Alfie felt tears tip out of his eyes and drip down his nose. They smfelled of salt and vinegar.

‘Jo,’ David said, gently.

‘Hey, hello!’ shouted one of the mums, running the last few steps and beaming at everyone. ‘Please don’t argue. You must have had a long journey. Travelling can be exhausting.’

Alfie felt the grip from his father’s hands relax a little. Alfie tried to break free. His arms were hurting. His father let him go. ‘Nunca me bates, Alfie. Never hit.’ The mum turned to face his father. Alfie wiped a grubby hand over his eyes. He hadn’t meant to hit his father. It was just so unfair. How could he even think of not going to Spain?

‘Hey, I’m Lizzie, Zoe’s mum. We have just spent five days travelling in this campervan. It’s been fantastic. Merida is very special.’

‘Who?’ asked David.

‘Merida. That’s the name of the camper. That’s what we call her anyway.’

‘But who does she belong to?’ David asked.

‘We don’t really know. But the idea is that she is passed on to someone else afterwards. Why don’t we go and have a coffee in the office and we can talk some more?’

‘Great,’ said David, calmly. ‘Come on, Jo. Alfie will be fine here for a minute.’

His father let him go, giving him his disappointed look. Alfie looked down, rubbing his wrists. David was kind but sometimes he hated Jo. Zoe came up to him and put her arms around him and gave him a hug. Alfie pushed her away. He wasn’t used to other children hugging him. He felt more salt and vinegar tears nudging his eyes but then Vincent poked him with the wild pig.

‘Entelodont!’ he said.

‘Ah yes, yes.’

‘Come on, Alfie,’ said Zoe. ‘Let’s show you around Merida.’

His father forgotten, he jumped back in. The camper was so cool. Vincent showed Alfie the buttons to operate the beds. There was a video screen on the back of the seat like on the airplane with all the latest dinosaur documentaries – that is, programmes about dinosaurs.

‘We didn’t use that,’ said Vincent.

‘That’s because you were always on your iPad,’ said Zoe. ‘And the best is yet to come…’

But Alfie and Vincent were too busy roaring at each other enacting ancient life-death battles.

‘Do you think you will find a dinosaur?’ Vincent asked him excitedly. ‘A real one? An egg was once found in the ice.’

‘That would be awesome. But I don’t think there’s any ice in Portugal. I hope to find some fossils and see footprints. If we go.’

‘I’m sure you will, Alfie,’ someone said. ‘Your father is just tired and he has difficulties trusting – which is understandable seeing as you have just arrived in another country. And he’s a bit confused. Imagine wanting a Hymer instead of me!’ The voice chuckled.

Alfie looked around, confused. The voice seemed to come from all around him. But there was no one else there. ‘Who said that?’

‘Oh, that’s Merida,’ said Zoe. ‘I thought she was going to keep quiet but I think she’s excited.’

‘What?’ Alfie had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

‘Merida is the name of the camper,’ Zoe explained. ‘She talks. A lot.’

‘I do not talk a lot young Zoe,’ said Merida. She chuckled. ‘Hello Alfred. Nice to meet you. Zoe is right. I am the camper. And I do talk. But not a lot.’

‘You talk?’ Alfie looked around in wonder. ‘A campervan that talks?’

‘Yes. I originally come from Portugal so I am very happy to be going back. It is far too cold and busy in these northern countries. And I get so fed up in traffic. I do know for a fact that there are dinosaur footprints in Salema, in southern Portugal. Also Lourinhã. And Terruel in Spain.’

‘How do you know?’ asked Alfie, his heart flapping. A campervan who knew his proper name and about the dinosaur park in Terruel. That was not possible.

‘I searched the internet. You can find anything you want on the internet.’

Not quite the answer Alfie had expected. ‘Are you AI? A kind of robot?’ he asked. David had created a robot that talked but it could only say ‘Hey Alfred, how are you today?’ Then it would fall over.

‘No, I’m a campervan.’ Merida sounded offended. ‘I’m not artificial. I’m just intelligent.’

‘Okay. But I think you might give my parents a bit of a shock. I think you might be impossible. They are computer programmers.’

‘Computer programmers? Interesting,’ Merida said.

‘Shall we switch her off?’ Zoe asked. She scrambled over to the driver’s seat. ‘Merida, do you mind?’

‘Of course I mind but it might be for the best. Maybe you are right: I do talk too much. And the truth can be a little too much for some of the older ones.’

Alfie felt his eyes opening wider as he went over to Zoe to watch what she was doing. A campervan that speaks the truth?

‘You need to press this button to switch her on and off, this green light here. Or ‘ME’. I can hear them coming. Merida, we are going to switch you off for now.’ Zoe said and pressed the button.

Merida gave out the same long farting sound like a balloon spitting out air that Alfie had heard earlier. He held his nose.

Zoe and Vincent laughed. Alfred smiled and let go. As soon as he did, he could smell rhubarb flavour chewing gum and bananas. The adults were coming closer. Zoe’s mum was talking:

‘Here’s our name and number if you would like to keep in touch. We are creating a little group of people who have been fortunate enough to journey with Merida. So, what do you say?’

David looked at Jo.

Alfie felt his heart about to explode in his chest. If his father said ‘no’ again he would run away and never come back. Never.