“The Not So Great Escape” is a true story based on the Japanese American Shitara Sisters who were in the Amache internment camp in Colorado during World War II. They were part of an agriculture crew picking vegetables on a farm near Trinidad Colorado, where they met two German prisoners who were also picking vegetables. They became lovers and the women were prosecuted for “Treason” and “Conspiracy to Commit Treason” when they helped the two German prisoners to escape.
By the end of World War II there were 400,000 German prisoners in the United States including 3,000 prisoners in a prison camp in Trinidad, Colorado. Known as the “Fritz Ritz,” because of how good the prisoners had it, they were used as labor for area farms to pick potatoes and onions. They had a 150-foot tunnel that led out of the Trinidad prison. However, the tunnel was not used for a mass escape but was used so the prisoners could hook up at night with their American girlfriends and farmer’s daughters they met picking vegetables. The guards looked the other way in the “Fritz Ritz,” as long as the German prisoners were back in the prison by the time they took the count.
“The Not So Great Escape” is a romantic comedy about this love affair between two Japanese American Shitara sisters and two German prisoners named Heinrich Haider and Hermann Loescher. Worried about their families in Germany, after learning from new prisoners who told them about the toll the war was taking on German civilians, they decided to escape to Mexico and then try to get back to Germany to connect with other Germans who were trying to assassinate Hitler. They enlisted their lovers to help them by giving them money, buying them civilian clothes, and driving them to New Mexico so they could catch a train. The car broke down during their escape, and the German prisoners had to hitch hike the rest of the way which delayed their journey. They were caught at the train station in New Mexico and searched by the FBI. During the search the FBI discovered some photographs of the prisoners in a romantic embrace with two Japanese American women. They published the photos on the front cover of the Denver Post, and the FBI were able to find the women, who at this point, were back living in the Amache internment camp in Granada, Colorado. They arrested the Shitara sister and put them in a federal Jail in Denver.
Three of the Shitara sisters were arrested for “Treason” and “Conspiracy to Commit Treason.” If they were found guilty of treason they would have been put to death in an electric chair. The trial was the most scandalous trial in Denver history. The courtroom was crowded with 400 spectators who wanted to hear the salacious details of the Shitara sister’s adulterous relationship. The women refused to testify, but both Hermann Loescher and Heinrich Haider took the stand to defend their lovers. They explained that the women were only guilty of falling in love and their actions were not treasonous. All three women were found guilty of “Conspiracy to Commit Treason” and spent two years in a federal prison.
Comments
Funny, insightful,…
Funny, insightful, historically important. There is not enough I can praise about this script.
Thanks for your comment
It is a great story, but after their two years in federal prison, they returned to California and I couldn't find any information on them. I had to invent the three personalities of Flo, Billie, and Toots, which I enjoyed doing. Toots is short for Tsuruko. Here is a link to the true story on the Japanese American history website called Densho. Densho means "To pass on to the next generation"
https://densho.org/catalyst/the-shitara-sisters-scandalous-wwii-treason-trial/
Here is another link to an excellent book about the Fritz Ritz and the 400,000 German POWs in the United States by the end of the war. The book also has a chapter on the Shitara sisters.
https://www.amazon.com/Fritz-Ritz-German-POWs-America/dp/B0CGKQLKH2
Steve Antonucccio
It feels like the start of a…
It feels like the start of a great story but it's slow to get started. The premise is a good hook but something else is needed to really grab the reader's attention. The dialogue feels overly-formal with exposition that needs to be filtered in gradually to create a more natural, conversational tone. Work on these features and inject more energy into the writing.
Good story, but needs polishing
I like that this is a true story that has strong characters and history, however, I did notice that the dialogue in some places felt as if they were talking in a more modern-day style, while other places felt more formal or "telly". I'd rather see some of the dialogue in action as opposed to being told like a recap. Overall, I think with some revision, this could elevate the interest of the reader.
Great subject, could use a little polish
I'm a big history buff, and this is a fascinating story. My biggest suggestion is to try to adhere more to "Show, don't tell" with the writing. A lot of the scenes are pure exposition with the characters just talking. A lot of the dialogue sounds very movie-ish; nobody sounds like a real person. Several scenes are nothing but talking heads. I'd also suggest taking advantage of having a story set in an internment camp during such a turbulent time. The characters make it seem like more of an inconvenience than a hardship. Make us sympathize with them as we see what they're going through.
interesting presume with true story appeal
I find true stories fascinating, and from the logline, this looks compelling. Reporting to an interment camp seems all too easy and pleasant. The execution could benefit from added dimension. Description feels thin. Characters could be more distinctive and settings might be more vibrant. There is a lack of tension in the set up, with little conflict. The writing leans on description to tell and heavily on dialogue to advance the narrative. The voices could be more distinctive. The dialogue feels stiff. It can be overwritten, on the nose, and occasionally repetitive. Striving to create tension and conflict to advance the narrative could help this be engaging from the outset.
Great Material
The story is compelling and timely. However, it is expositionally heavy at the start. The writer might concentrate on the reader falling in love with the lovely little family of Toots and her children, leaning into their relationship and genuine love for each other. This can then carry into the camp so we see the real family connection with her parents, aunts, cousins etc. before we start to understand that everyone is actually trapped, and that Toots is having a hard time in her marriage to a white guy. The narration at the top, although informative, does not draw the reader in.
Historical Drama? Love Story?
Feels like you have great bones here... what a fascinating historical backdrop for a story. However, I would say i lost the throughline and the "emotional stakes"... You have a character piece, some historical interest and intrigue and and unrequited love story, but would love to see you pick one tack and go with it. Otherwise, it feels like we are just going from one scene to another with some interesting characters, but we still need the hook that really drives the energy of the piece. If anything, and you could find that throughline, this actually feels like a limited tv series to me. There is a lot of "tell" not show, and reads more like a novel than a script. Really good start... and based on true events (not a documentary) so lets amp up the stakes, and get our throughline... not just a romance, or a historical drama, or even a tone poem ode to people who would have never met under certain circumstances... it can be all of those things... but pick which one it is primarily and give it another pass. It's in there, because there is a loving way in which you present your characters...